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Top Page of Journal :: view all articles in:
:: From the Back Porch

Crouching Glutton, Hidden Cupcake

August 3, 2003
   

The column is from last year, one day when the kids were discussing their last night's dreams. Tymon, a 13 year old boy with curly brown hair, is seated at the table having lunch with his brother, Ranin, a solidly built boy of 10 with a blond crewcut, and his sister Gracie, an 11 year old girl with a pretty face and long, light, brown hair. They are eating and laughing uproariously.

Tymon: So I was having this dream, and I had to pee, and I was trying to pee, and I was standing there dying because I had to go so bad, and I was yelling COME ON, COME ON, but my body knew I was sleeping and my body was saying Nooooo, don't pee, you'll wet the bed!!! But I didn't know I was dreaming, I really had to go and somehow I woke up JUST IN TIME!

Gracie: Me too, me too, that happened to me too...

Ranin: Me too, and you're in the bathroom and someone's pounding on the door and you can't go...

Tymon: But last night I dreamed this guy was chasing me shooting poison darts --

Gracie, interrupting: Me too, I had a dream about poison darts too...

Ranin: Me too, it must be because we just watched Ace Ventura, When Nature Calls....

Gracie: Yeah, well I was in this place and these evil ladies were making poison darts, and when I came in the room they said, THERE SHE IS! And they started chasing me and this girl and we were running but all of a sudden we couldn't run and it-- was -- like---sloooooowww-- mooooo-tion-- and we --had--no--strength and we couldn't move and they were coming at us in real speed --

Tymon: Yeah that happened in my dream too, (makes agonized face) I was trying to run away but I had no strength and my voice is gone and I can't scream, and when I try to punch them there's no power -- Like I use all my force to punch and it's like, stopped, it just won't punch.

Ranin: Yeah, like, when, when the zombies, it's like when the zombies, when the zombies come after you and you're terrified and running and trying to scream and the darts hit you,

Tymon: Yeah, the darts hit you and you, like, you can't moooove, be---cause---you're dying......

Gracie: Hey, you guys interrupted me -- I was telling my dream --- so then I was in this building and it turned into a parking lot -- and these guys were chasing me and I was trying to do my red belt self-defense moves but I had no power --

Ranin: Hey! That reminds me! Do you remember when Michael got sick in the locker room at Hapmudo?

Gracie: Huh? When? Hey wait a minute, I was just telling my dream--- but what happened?

Ranin: Last week after class. He went in the locker room and put a penny in his mouth and it got stuck and so he put his finger down his throat and he threw up in three places in the locker room...

Tymon: Did you try to help him?

Ranin: I did but you know when someone throws up, then you start going like this: (Demonstrates his tongue protruding from his mouth and going back in, then his tongue protruding again and going back in, kind of like a gag reflex) And I thought I was gonna be sick, I felt it come up into my throat and I made it go back down --

Gracie: Oh YUCK, I don't want to hear about that.

Ranin looks at her gleefully, demonstrating the gag reflex a few more times. She covers her face in disgust making noises of distress.

Tymon: Why didn't you try the Heimlich maneuver?

Ranin: What's that?

Tymon: It's where you put your arms around them from the back and force your fists against their stomach and whatever's in their throat pops out.

Ranin: Oh.

Tymon: And if that doesn't work you try the hiney maneuver.

Ranin: What's that?

Tymon: That's when you pinch their butt and they scream and whatever's stuck in their throat pops out.

Ranin: You remember the movie, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, when they were up on the treetops?

Tymon: Yeah.

Ranin: Well, how did they do that?

Tymon: Like when your cupcake is on the table and nobody's looking and I take it. It's a trick!

Gracie: Hey who took my cupcake?

Tymon: I don't know. It was prophesied in your dream.

Kimmy Sophia Brown has loved humor and music for as long as she can remember. She writes the column "From the Back Porch" as well as reviews of music in her column "MusicViews". Her goal in her music reviews is to introduce music she loves to people who may not have heard that particular artist or CD. For information about how to submit a CD for review, click here.


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