DEAR PETER:

I have been dating my boyfriend for a year. Our relationship began on my birthday last year when I asked him out and he said yes. We work together, which has been no problem. We are an exclusive couple. I've met his friends and they really like me. He's met my family and they really like him. The problem is that I haven't met his family yet and he completely avoids the topic.

I love him and have told him so, but he hasn't reciprocated. He says he doesn't know. I try not to pressure him, but I need to know how he feels. It's really bothering me that I haven't met his parents. His parents live in Mexico, as do his two sisters and their children. His parents don't speak English. My Spanish is very limited. He visits his family every week. His father is 83 years old and my boyfriend is very devoted to him. His family is obviously a large and important part of his life. Why haven't I met them yet?

I'm 26. He's 28. We have a good relationship, respect each other and have fun together. But I don't know if he loves me. I don't want to issue an ultimatum. I don't want to pressure him or ask for more than he's willing to give. But I need to know where I stand. How long should I wait for him? Am I wasting my time?

Uncertain in Love, United States

Dear Uncertain in Love:

I recommend sitting him down and having a long heart to heart talk about your relationship with him, and what he expects from it. A major crossing point of any romantic relationship is sex. So, if you’re having sex with him, it’s more than fair to express to him that since you’re sharing everything with him, why isn’t he sharing equally with you? This also highlights why it’s truly better to wait to have sexual relations until a couple joins in a comitted marriage. At least with marriage you have a basic commitment (even if it doesn’t work out) that both parties are there for each other, without reservation. Too many men misuse women by encouraging sexual relations without a solid commitment of love and marriage. Then, the man moves on, leaving wreckage behind. It’s time for men to become honorable and stop doing that, and it’s time for women to insist that men fully commit themselves in a responsible marriage before sex begins.

Your boyfriend may have many reasons for hesitating to introduce you to his parents, including racism, or class differences. If he really loves you, he’ll overcome those issues (think Romeo and Juliet, but with a happy ending!) If not, perhaps it’s time to move on.

DEAR PETER:

I have broken my wife's heart. I have had an Internet relationship of a sexual nature with another woman. My wife found the e-mails and is totally crushed. She wants me gone, and is set on getting a divorce. That is not what I want. I want to do anything and everything to make it work with her again. How do I win her back?

Joe, America

Dear Joe:

If you really value your marriage with her, I would strongly recommend that you approach her with the following:

1. Apologize with absolute and utter humility, now matter how much she shouts and screams. Don’t express any anger. Accept total responsibility.
   
   
2. Express very clearly how much you love her and wish to rebuild your marriage. You might try getting on your knees, or bowing to the ground, as they do in the Far East. In other words, be humble, sincere and very expressive.
   
   
3. Tell her that you’ll go to any marriage counselor she wishes, for as long as she wants.
   
   
4. Tell her that you’ll never, ever do it again, and then ask her to help guide you to become a better husband.
   
   
5. Finally, ask yourself and talk to her about the ongoing state of your marriage. Why did this happen in the first place? Did you make enough effort in the marriage? Did you talk heart to heart with your wife on a daily basis? Did you value her and love her and let her know it? In other words, if you weren’t building a marriage of true love every day, then perhaps your marriage was in decline for a long time. How can that be prevented from happening again, even if she does forgive you?

Here’s a guy thing: Marriages are like cars: you have to maintain them every day for them to run well. But do guys put as much effort into their marriages as they do their automobiles?