What is it that we love, in ourselves and in others? At first, our answers might include a variety of personality traits, such as humor and wit and charm. We are drawn to others for many reasons, both noble and ignoble. Even though we may be temporarily fascinated by glitter or power or celebrity, is it not common to us all that we recognize that a person’s true value is found in their internal world?

It is in the depths of a person that we find their loveliness. The nineteenth century French writer and mystic, Léon Marie Bloy, wrote that “Every human face is a very special door to Paradise, which cannot possibly be confused with any other, and through which there will never enter but one soul.”

Unfortunately, it is far too easy to perceive the faults in others. When we feel aggrieved, it is hard to look upon the faces of those who hurt us. Our pain casts a shadow over them, causing us to focus on their impurities and sins, both real and imagined. Chewing on our anger, we may dwell on their transgressions until we can see nothing good in them at all. A relationship of love with them seems hopeless, for as Rabbi Yitzhak Meir of Ger wrote, “Turn mire hither and thither, and it remains mire.”

To find the door to Paradise in the face of another may be very difficult indeed. There is a story of an old woman who couldn’t think of anything good to say about a bad child. Determined to find something good about him, she said, “Well, he kin whistle good.” Finding the smallest particle of goodness in a person opens the door to the discovery of more goodness as we probe more deeply. Everyone has beauty in them, including each of us.

We often forget that our natural tendency to dislike the impurities we find in others spills over to ourselves. How many of us can say, “I’m my own worst critic?” I certainly can say that about myself. Yet, we may be able to “whistle good”, too. Do we not have at least one good point that we can admit to ourselves? Finding the beauty in ourselves holds at bay the destructive spirit of self-hatred that lies crouching at our doors, waiting to accuse us of our selfishness and sin. I don’t believe we should wallow in ignorant bliss, blithely unconscious of the harm that we cause others, by omission or commission. It is balance that we need; an awareness of our innate goodness as well as a patient and parental commitment to improve ourselves.

The third century philosopher, Plotinus, wrote in his first Ennead, in the sixth treatise, “On Beauty”:

But how are you to see into a virtuous soul and know its loveliness?

Withdraw into yourself and look. And if you do not find yourself beautiful yet, act as does the creator of a statue that is to be made beautiful: he cuts away here, he smoothes there, he makes this line lighter, this other purer, until a lovely face has grown upon his work. So do you also: cut away all that is excessive, straighten all that is crooked, bring light to all that is overcast, labour to make all one glow of beauty and never cease chiselling your statue, until there shall shine out on you from it the godlike splendour of virtue, until you shall see the perfect goodness surely established in the stainless shrine.

Looking at ourselves like this is not necessarily easy. It’s not easy to see our faults, but it may be even more difficult to see our beauty and goodness. Claude M. Bristol, in his book, The Magic of Believing, recommends what he calls “the mirror technique”. He tells of a man who hosted a dinner party and had a plan to convince his guests of a certain matter. During the dinner, the host drank too much alcohol. Before he made his pitch, the host excused himself and went into another room. Bristol was able to see the host through the door. The man stood in front of a mirror and gave himself a pep talk, affirming to himself that he was sober and in full possession of his faculties. When the host came back to the table, he spoke clearly and powerfully, and convinced his guests of his purpose.

Bristol explored the mirror technique, and discovered that it was very powerful. When we look at ourselves in a mirror, and affirm our good points to ourselves, we get a sparkle in our eye, and gain the strength to improve ourselves and reveal our inner beauty. I found the mirror technique to be a creative and inspiring tool. To use the technique effectively, it may be necessary to write out an affirmation or prayer that leads us through the various barriers of doubt and self-hatred that may exist in our minds, and then convinces us that we do indeed possess a golden core of goodness in the center of our being. If we reflect about ourselves fairly, I believe that we’ll find that we also deserve the compassion that we would give to others.

An attitude of compassion and forgiveness is the starting point of our search to find the golden sphere inside us all. The Roman Catholic book of Ecclesiasticus states, “Love thine own soul, and comfort thy heart: and remove sorrow far from thee; for sorrow hath destroyed many, and there is no profit therein.”

Peter Ustinov, the late British actor, said, “Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit.”

Forgiving ourselves and others with compassion will allow us to see with new eyes. It will allow us to acknowledge the prayer of the Hebrew Morning Service which states, “O my God, the soul which thou gavest me is pure.” It doesn’t mean that we have removed all of our faults. It is simply an affirmation of the truth that inside each person there dwells an incorruptible soul of pure love that is directly connected to God. The fourteenth century Dutch mystic, Jan van Ruysbroeck, wrote, “God in the depths of us receives God who comes to us: it is God contemplating God.”

The seventeenth century German poet, Angelus Silesius, wrote, “God is the fire in me, I am the glow in Him.”

When we stand in front of a mirror and gaze upon our faces, does it not give us tremendous hope and inspiration to say to ourselves that God is all of us and we are part of God? The golden sphere of love inside us gives us the ability to resonate with the love that permeates the universe and dwells inside every other person that we meet. Can we not say with complete accuracy that we love the glow of God that dwells at the core of each one of us?

Knowing this, we can look beyond the layers of defects that we may find in others. Instead, we can love, with true sincerity, the golden sphere of love that dwells inside our children, our spouses, our friends and coworkers, and everyone that we meet. A husband and wife can say to each other that they married the golden core in the other, the beautiful soul of their mate that will one day flower and blossom for eternity.

As we recognize the scintillating beauty of our own souls that resonate with the love of God that streams through us all, we will be able to say, as Silesius did:

        I am a single drop; how can it be
        That God, the whole ocean, floweth into me?