The HeartThread Journal - 1st Quarter, 1998
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* The HeartThread Journal *
- The Journal of
Marriage,
Parenting,
Family & Society -
----------------------------------
Vol. 3, No. 1
1st Quarter, 1998
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Published by FutureRealm Productions
* The HeartThread Journal *
- The Journal of Marriage, Parenting, Family & Society -
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Vol. 3, No. 1 1st Quarter, 1998
"To promote and encourage the 'thread' of unselfish heart and love
that invisibly connects husbands and wives, parents and children,
brothers and sisters, and then the world."
------------------------------------------
From the Editor
...............
My husband has entrusted the reins of this issue
into my trembling hands, and so my prayer is that it
pleases!
Our thoughts this week are with Paul McCartney as he
and his family suffer the death of his beloved wife,
Linda. We don't have an article about them in particular,
but Dr. Seidel's "Secrets for a Successful Marriage" and
my husband's poem reflect the theme of couples in love. I
saw a bit of an interview with Paul and Linda on the
news, in which they were asked about the key to their
success.
They both said that they loved each other, and that
they had barely spent a night apart in thirty years. Paul
said after her death that she "was the kindest woman I
ever met." That is really a testimony to the genuine love
they shared.
On other fronts we have a variety of topics to
share. We have a thought provoking article about the
movie "Contact" by Betsy Wright,(my favorite religious
writer,) and a very moving letter by Richard Panzer to
his son.
Eight year old Danny Dutton gives us a refreshing
look at God, and there's a tongue in cheek account of
Rupert the cat.
As it is with every issue, we hope that you find
something inspiring or something to make you laugh. We
are always looking for contributors, so if you have
something you would like to submit, please send it along.
We are so grateful for the positive feedback the journal
has received, and we thank you for your continuing
interest. God bless you all!
Kim Korman Brown
Co-Editor & Co-Publisher
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The HeartThread Journal Page 1
TABLE OF CONTENTS
* From the Editor, by Kim Korman Brown .................1
* Together, by Peter F. Brown ..........................5
* Parent's Pledge to Children ..........................6
* Secrets for a Successful Marriage,
by Dietrich Seidel ...................................7
* Third Grade Assignment:
"Explain God", by Danny Dutton ......................12
* Letter to My Son,
by Richard A. Panzer ................................13
* Love Nerves, by Tymon Brown .........................16
* Some Questions Raised by the Movie "Contact",
by Betsy Mathews Wright .............................16
* Kitchen Billiards,
by Kim Korman Brown .................................19
* The Sad Tale of Rupert and Eggbert,
by Peter F. Brown ...................................19
* The Movie Mom's Guide to Movies
and Videos for Families, by Nell Minow ..............20
(Reviews of "The Man with the Iron Mask", "Titanic")
* HeartQuestions / Questions & Reflections
about Marriage, Parenting, Family & Society
"Romance after Children; Abstinence v.
Pre-Marital Sex; the Commitment of Marriage",
by Peter F. Brown ...................................22
* A Picnic,
by Kim Korman Brown .................................25
* The HeartThread Resource Guide:
Resources for Couples, Parents & Families ...........28
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The HeartThread Journal Page 2
The HeartThread Journal
is published by FutureRealm Productions
Publisher and Editor - Peter F. Brown
Co-Publisher and Co-Editor - Kim Korman Brown
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Visit our web page, "The HeartThread Resource Page", at:
"http://futurerealm.com"
or our other site at "http://worldcommunity.com"
or email us at: "peterbrown@futurerealm.com"
or: "kimbrown@futurerealm.com"
You can mail us at:
FutureRealm Productions
P.O. Box 4131 ~ Virginia Beach, VA 23454 / USA
or you can call us at: (757) 468-6848
or fax us at: (757) 468-6461
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SUBSCRIPTION INFORMATION / Email Version & Printed Version
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The HeartThread Journal is a subscription-based publication
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Please mail US Bank Check or Money Order to the above address.
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end this special promotion and begin normal subscription rates.
Free subscribers will be notified when this happens,
and will be offered a regular subscription.
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WRITERS ARE ALWAYS NEEDED
*************************
If you want to write for The HeartThread Journal,
we will be happy to review your article, column or story.
Please review our "Writers Guidelines" on our web page,
and email us your proposal or actual work.
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The HeartThread Journal Page 3
ADVERTISING INFORMATION
***********************
Advertising products or services of value or interest
to parents, couples or families is encouraged.
Brief textual advertisements will appear in the
"HeartThread Resource Guide" at the end of this journal.
For a limited time, advertisements will be FREE.
When this special advertising promotion ends,
advertising rates will be published.
FREE ADVERTISING FOR AUTHORS
****************************
All authors receive FREE advertising space in
the issue that their article or column appears.
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COPYRIGHT INFORMATION
*********************
All materials contained herein are
(C) Copyright 1998 by FutureRealm Productions
except for individual articles and columns,
which are Copyrighted by their respective authors.
Individual authors retain all rights to their articles,
unless otherwise specified.
All Rights Reserved Worldwide.
No part of this journal may be used or reproduced
in any manner whatsoever without
written permission from the publisher,
or the individual authors
(in the case of their articles or columns),
except in cases of brief quotations
embodied in articles and reviews.
Opinions expressed by writers in The HeartThread Journal
are not necessarily those of FutureRealm Productions.
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LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
*********************
Readers wishing to submit a letter should email it to:
"peterbrown@futurerealm.com"
or send it by regular mail to the above address.
Letters may be edited for grammar or length.
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Together
(for my wife)
...............
by Peter F. Brown
Someday, when we're old and leathery,
Perhaps when we're two hundred and five,
Or more antique than that,
We'll move to spirit world
And take up residence.
There will be a white stone castle
On a seaside cliff
That rises from a moor.
Facing toward the west,
And each day's painting of the sun,
It will beckon us to walk through rooms
Filled with sunlight.
We will live there, with our children
And our children's loved ones,
A clan that lives to love others
And bring them to our castle
Of warmth and heart and love.
Art and music and growing things
Will fill the rooms,
Expressing how much we value
The chance to give and serve and love.
Our castle is waiting for us,
To live in its walls and dance with the world.
It will never change.
Its walls will never crumble.
My love for you is stronger than our castle.
If, on the way to the spirit world,
You found that your home was to be
A darkened hole of regretful muck,
But mine (through a clerical error)
Was still the castle,
You need not worry.
I would live with you in ooze,
Cleaning our swamp together,
Until our castle welcomed us
And watched us dance with the world.
.................................
Peter F. Brown is blissfully :-)
married to the Co-Publisher
and Co-Editor, Kim Korman Brown
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Parent's Pledge to Children
.............................
From a Mid-century Conference
on Children and Youth, Washington D.C.,
December 3-7, 1950, 6000 participants
In every home where this pledge is made and kept,
children will have a greater opportunity to grow into
healthy, intelligent and useful members of society:
From your earliest infancy we will give you our
love, so that you may grow with trust in yourself and in
others.
We will recognize your worth as a person and we will
help you to strengthen your sense of belonging.
We will respect your right to be yourself and at the
same time help you to understand the rights of others, so
that you may experience cooperative living.
We will help you to develop initiative and
imagination, so that you may have the opportunity freely
to create.
We will encourage your curiosity and your pride in
workmanship, so that you may have the satisfaction that
comes from achievement.
We will provide the conditions for wholesome play
that will add to your learning, to your social
experience, and to your happiness.
We illustrate by precept and example the value of
integrity and the importance of moral courage.
We will encourage you always to seek the truth.
We will provide you with all opportunities possible
to develop your own faith in God.
We will open the way for you to enjoy the arts and
to use them for deepening your understanding of life.
We will work to rid ourselves of prejudice and
discrimination, so that together we may achieve a truly
democratic society.
We will work to lift the standard of living and to
improve our economic practices, so that you may have the
material basis for a full life.
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We will provide you with rewarding educational
opportunities, so that you may develop your talents and
contribute to a better world.
We will protect you against exploitation and undue
hazards and help you grow in health and strength.
We will work to conserve and improve family life, as
needed, to provide foster care according to your inherent
rights.
We will intensify our search for new knowledge in
order to guide you more effectively as you develop your
potentialities.
As you grow from child to youth to adult,
establishing a family life of your own and accepting
larger social responsibilities, we will work with you to
improve conditions for all children and youth.
Aware that these promises to you cannot be fully met
in a world at war, we ask you to join us in a firm
dedication to the building of a world society based on
freedom, justice and mutual respect.
So you may grow in joy, in faith in God and in man,
and in those qualities of vision and of the spirit that
will sustain us all and give us hope for the future.
* * * * * * * *
Secrets for a Successful Marriage
...................................
by Dr. Dietrich Seidel
When it comes to building a successful marriage the
steps to take often seem hidden and enigmatic. However,
after taking a closer look, it involves a simple approach
and common sense. The reason that the obvious appears to
be concealed is due to undesirable habits which penetrate
our marital life. Routines within our daily lives and
frequent stretches of over-commitment can create a
certain fog for husband and wife in their marriage
relationship. Thus, we may lose sight of basic attitudes
and skills that are essential for a vital marriage.
However, once we realize the need for eliminating this
marriage fog, we find ourselves rediscovering simple
principles for marital happiness. We then can bring the
secrets for successful marriage into the daylight.
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How shall we decide what is really important for
strengthening our marriages? Last April, I experienced a
serious snow storm that left dozens of trees uprooted in
my neighborhood including two giant ones in my own
backyard. I vividly recall the rushing sound when the
trees came tumbling down with a great thump. Their mighty
trunks lying down with their roots exposed in the
sunlight seemed to convey to me one last message: "We
tried hard but we were not anchored deeply enough!"
This whole experience illustrated for me the
importance of strong roots and an unyielding foundation
as it applies specifically to the communion of marriage.
According to marriage experts Stinnet and Trotman, great
emphasis is given to the spouses' character development,
their attitude and internal disposition. In fact, most
advice has to do with strengthening the roots of human
relationships. Like the roots of a tree, our internal
disposition also needs to be firmly grounded in the solid
foundation of our value system and world view so that we
can brave even the greatest storms.
To achieve a good marriage, we need to develop two
areas, namely, internal attitudes and external skills.
Internal attitudes have to do with our spiritual lives
which define the roots of our marriages, while external
skills focus on building and nourishing our marital bond.
As we can well imagine, only the harmonious interaction
of these two areas will lead to the realization of
successful marriages. The following points of advice
address not only the roots of marital life but also basic
interactive skills with which we will be able to nourish
and develop our relationship as a couple.
1. Have a strong religious conviction. Husband and
wife discover the deepest roots of their marriage in
their living relationship with God. True family values
emerge from that relationship, providing consistent
guidance and inspiration for the life-long task of
marriage building. In fact, all internal attitudes are
rooted in our perception of God's will and the experience
of His parental love. Marriage without a solid spiritual
foundation is like a house built on sand. We should
always keep in mind that the fulfillment of all religious
ceremonies and theological doctrine lies in the
realization of a true loving relationship between husband
and wife.
2. Develop the habit of praying as a couple. Our
daily communication with God becomes the life line for
our spiritual development. In particular, our prayers as
couples for the sake of the well-being of family members
and other people cultivate our spiritual disposition to
live for the sake of others. Soon we will discover that
the habit of prayer in marriage is a win-win situation as
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The HeartThread Journal Page 8
we also develop the virtue of living for the sake of our
spouse. Be creative if differing schedules do not give
you enough time for daily prayers. Surprise your partner
with a prayer on the phone or by using E-mail.
3. Make loving your spouse a conscious decision. The
internal disposition of a lasting commitment in marriage
is based on the daily decision to make your spouse the
number one priority in your life. Such a heartfelt
appreciation of your partner is rooted in an ever present
awareness of his or her absolute uniqueness as God's son
or daughter. In fact, we can develop an overwhelming
sense of appreciation of the special qualities of our
mate as a human being that in turn commands a response of
love and respect. With such a mind set, we will actively
avoid the trap of taking each other for granted. Rather,
we realize that a perpetual sense of newness in our
marital relationship emerges from the simple habit of
honoring our "better half". We may honor our spouse not
only by expressing gratitude, appreciation or a sincere
compliment, but more importantly by practicing a spirit
of service. "I love you" is then communicated as "I care
about our life together".
To persevere in our conscious decision to honor and
love our marriage partner may sometimes turn out to be a
challenging task when facing each other's immaturities
and weaknesses. We find ourselves battling a
self-centered interpretation of what it means to love our
mate. In fact, we are exposed to a culture that seems to
operate on a fifty-fifty proposition for living out the
marriage contract. This means, I love you if you love me.
It explains the impoverishment of the marriage bond in
terms of only offering conditional love to each other.
However, in order to succeed in marriage, we need to turn
to the hundred-hundred proposition of unconditional love.
Only such a proposition of genuine self-giving will
enable us to mobilize sufficient patience in times of
difficulties and stress. Decide to plan some time
together on a weekly basis, just you and your spouse
spending "essential time" removed from the "urgent time"
of our daily pressing agendas. Turning off the TV and
talking to your spouse is one step in the right
direction. Demonstrate in no uncertain terms that your
spouse is number one in your life by showing plenty of
affection, may it be through hugs or back rubs, or acts
of kindness and service like cleaning up that messy
drawer, washing the floor or doing other chores around
the house.
4. Learn effective communication skills. Kathy and
Mark are one of those couples who are serious about
improving their marriage. They have realized that it is
not sufficient merely to endure in a boring and estranged
relationship but they are looking for new avenues to turn
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their marriage into an exciting and satisfying adventure.
They have come to understand that one issue deserves
particular attention, namely, improving their
communication skills. They have decided to focus on
honestly communicating their feelings on a given issue or
event. Before starting their dialogue, they agreed to
follow certain rules that will enable them to build a
safe atmosphere for communicating. It is like agreeing to
the rules of a game. Within the framework of observing
clear rules one can expect a joyful and meaningful
result. This also holds true for developing communication
skills, especially if the couple wants to discuss
sensitive issues that underlie their marital
relationship. Here, an atmosphere of mutual trust and
openness becomes indispensable and it needs to be built
with patience, care and a clear focus.
Here is a set of rules Kathy and Mark agreed upon:
(1) we agree to make an appointment for discussing a
sensitive topic, clearly defining place and time.
(2) we determine to limit our dialogue to the one
topic that we previously selected
(3) we each write for ten minutes one brief but
loving letter to our spouse expressing with empathy our
feelings about the selected topic
(4) we read each other's letter carefully twice
(5) we start our dialogue explaining to each other
the feelings we have based on the letter we received
(6) we observe the rule of active and empathic
listening
(7) we patiently discuss possible solutions for
solving the previously defined difficulty or problem.
(8) we agree to implement a clear course of action
for improving our situation
(9) we limit our dialogue to thirty minutes (or any
suitable length)
(10) we agree when to meet again for discussing the
effectiveness of our course of action.
4. The above listed points outline one possible set
of rules. It is up to the couple to find rules they are
comfortable with. As long as they observe the essential
skill of empathic listening, their dialogue will move in
the right direction. Emphatic listening means that you as
the listener repeat the major points of your partner's
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The HeartThread Journal Page 10
message in an emotionally responsive manner so that your
spouse is assured of being fully understood.
5. Become best friends as a couple. Friendship is
the result of sharing common interests whereby the daily
practice of kindness and respect creates an atmosphere of
joy and trust. For the couple to build their friendship
they need to take time to share mutually fulfilling
activities. In this way they fill their hearts with
joyful memories and develop a team spirit that will
enable them to maintain an optimistic outlook on their
marriage even in difficult times.
To be best friends means to enjoy each other's
company, not in a pleasure seeking superficial way but by
exploring our partner's inner world, thus creating an
atmosphere of mutual understanding. Friendship is also
carried by the courage to have fun together. Often our
marriages are driven by a sense of duty, the calling to
fulfill a never ending list of responsibilities. Here, it
takes courage to break the routine and to share fun
activities together such as listening to our favorite
music, going on a skiing trip or spending an afternoon at
the bowling alley. The idea is not to escape our
responsibilities, but to allow new life and joy to enter
our marriages. The benefits from husband and wife being
best friends are indeed beyond any rational calculation.
In summing up the above issues, we can say that,
once our internal attitudes are firmly rooted in a
vibrant spiritual life, we are prepared to focus on
relational skills that will strengthen our marriages.
Today, we often find an imbalance between caring for our
spiritual life and becoming more proficient in
communication skills. On the one hand, there are numerous
sincere believers who practice a spiritual path but are
still ineffective in their attempt to improve their
marriages and family relationships. On the other hand, we
witness the rather limited success of secular marriage
counselors who would only employ psychological insights
in their practice, thus fighting a losing battle against
the alarming decline of family life. A balanced approach
is needed that combines the strengthening of internal
attitudes based on religious convictions with the
development of external skills that prove their
effectiveness within the daily interactions of husband
and wife.
..............................
Dr. and Mrs. Dietrich Seidel
are the co-directors of
Life Enrichment Enterprises,
P.O. Box 52, Barrytown, N.Y., 12507
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Third Grade Assignment:
"Explain God"
.........................
by Danny Dutton
One of God's main jobs is making people. He makes
them to replace the ones that die so there will be enough
people to take care of things here on earth. He doesn't
make grown-ups, just babies. I think because they are
smaller and easier to make. That way, He doesn't have to
take up his valuable time teaching them to talk and walk.
He can just leave that to mothers and fathers.
God's second most important job is listening to
prayers. An awful lot of this goes on, since some people,
like preachers and things, pray at times besides bedtime.
God doesn't have time to listen to the radio or TV on
account of this. Since he hears everything, not only
prayers, there must be a terrible lot of noise in His
ears, unless He has thought of a way to turn it off. God
sees everything and hears everything and is everywhere,
which keeps Him pretty busy. So you shouldn't go wasting
His time, by going over your parent's head asking for
something they said you couldn't have.
Atheists are people who don't believe in God. I
don't think there are any in Chula Vista. At least there
aren't any who come to our church. Jesus is God's son. He
used to do all the hard work like walking on water and
performing miracles and trying to teach the people who
didn't want to learn about God. They finally got tired of
him preaching to them and they crucified Him. But He was
good and kind like His father and He told His father that
they didn't know what they were doing and to forgive them
and God said OK. His Dad (God) appreciated everything He
had done and all His hard work on earth so He told Him He
didn't have to go out on the road anymore. He could stay
in heaven. So He did.
And now he helps His Dad out by listening to prayers
and seeing things which are important for God to take
care of and which ones He can take care of Himself
without having to bother God. Like a secretary, only more
important, of course. You can pray any time you want and
they are sure to hear you because they got it worked out
so one of them is on duty all the time.
You should always go to church on Sunday because it
makes God happy, and if there's anybody you want to make
happy, it's God. Don't skip church to do something you
think will be more fun like going to the beach. This is
wrong! And besides, the sun doesn't come out at the beach
until noon anyway.
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If you don't believe in God, besides being an
atheist, you will be very lonely, because your parents
can't go everywhere with you, like to camp, but God can.
It is good to know He's around you when you're scared in
the dark or when you can't swim very good and you get
thrown into deep water by big kids. But you shouldn't
just always think of what God can do for you. I figure
God put me here and He can take me back anytime He
pleases. And that's why I believe in God.
..................................
Danny Dutton is a 3rd Grader
from Chula Vista California
* * * * * * * *
Letter to My Son
..................
by Richard A. Panzer
Dear Son,
A while back you asked me why there was so much talk
on the news about the President, but before I could
answer, you were distracted. I'm glad we didn't talk at
that time because I needed a couple of weeks to compose
my thoughts.
You see when I was about your age, John F. Kennedy
was elected President. Like President Clinton, he was
young, dynamic, visionary and eloquent. I thought so
highly of him, and his beautiful wife, that in my mind
there was no career more noble, no higher calling, than
to be President of the United States.
Well, things have changed. We no longer live in an
Age of Discretion, and, in fact, President Clinton stands
accused of doing some of the same things that we now know
Kennedy did do. The White House doesn't look as pure
white as it used to...
I'm not one of those who think a President can or
should be impeached for having an affair with a
twenty-one year old intern. Those who see a violation of
a woman's virtue assume there was still some virtue left
to be violated. Even the concept of virtue itself seems
odd in an age of Sexual Rights.
I guess what troubles me the most are not the sexual
allegations themselves, but the lawyerly responses, the
clever, deceptive use of language by the President of the
United States. In my mind, a President should be more
than a Defense-Counsel-in-Chief.
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In the last election, I couldn't summon much
enthusiasm for either main candidate. Clinton was, and
is, a master orator, a spinner of dreams, but I doubted
we could trust his words. Dole was one of the most
inarticulate candidates in my lifetime. He never did
manage to blurt out why anyone should vote for him. The
American people, as they often do, voted for the voice of
hope, energy and optimism and overlooked allegations of
out-of-date improprieties.
Now we are told that because the economy is doing
well, the American people don't care if our President was
carrying on in the Oval Office with someone else besides
his wife. We are told that the Marriage Vow doesn't mean
anything anymore, that we should become more broad-minded
like the French, and accept Presidential Mistresses.
Maybe we should add on a bungalow to the White House for
a Presidential Concubine. It doesn't matter, as long as
the economy is good. Remember, "it's the economy,
stupid!"
Well, I, for one, cannot accept the idea that as
long as the money is flowing, all of us "animals down on
the farm" should be contented. We aspire to be more than
contented cattle, don't we? I appreciate and am grateful
that many people are doing well, but everything can't be
reduced to money. Can it?
What rankles me just as much is the herd mentality
we see in our country. The first week the Media jumped on
the sexual allegations with more gusto than an O.J.
trial, with sly innuendos and salacious double entendres
to boost their ratings. When Mrs. Clinton stood up to
defend her husband and bash the Investigation as a
"right-wing conspiracy" and "witch-hunt" the herd began
to stampede in the Clintons' direction.
Well, I have never liked the "race-horse" approach
to politics. I don't need or want to be always told who
is ahead and who is behind. I don't care what the poll
numbers for the past ten hours, ten minutes, or ten
seconds, tell us. The value of all things is not power
and political advantage. I feel insulted when the media
assumes that that is all I care about.
This isn't a game, where we can make a few dollars
by betting on the right horse. This is our country, for
God's sake! When will someone stand up and do what is
right, instead of what lawyers, spin doctors, and poll
analysts tell him to do?
I would have more respect for him if President
Clinton looked us right in the eye and told us the truth,
whatever it might be, instead of these clever and
byzantine deceptions: "Yes, I did inhale." "Yes, I did
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The HeartThread Journal Page 14
have sex with Gennifer Flowers." "Yes, I'll tell you the
truth about my relationship with Monica Lewinsky, because
truth is something we want our children to understand,
because without truth there is no trust, because it's
important to our country!"
I have come to the conclusion that my view of
President Kennedy more than thirty years ago was wrong. I
was deceived by the inspiring words, the glamour, energy,
and idealism, but now I know that those things, as
attractive as they are, can be manufactured and marketed
like any product.
In my mind, to be a man is to be someone whose words
can be trusted. To be a man is someone who is faithful to
his wife, who is able to see another beautiful woman and
say, "that is somebody else's wife, or the future wife of
some other lucky guy, but I have loved and will continue
to love my wife. By loving her, I am loving all women. By
setting aside these other attractions, I am setting an
example for other husbands, for other men."
Son, you will often hear on the radio that probably
the majority of married couples commit adultery. But that
is a lie. The truth is that less than 1 in 5 couples in
America experience infidelity. 80% of husbands and wives
are trying to live by a moral code and succeed in doing
so, not because they are dumb, not because they are blind
or somehow disabled, not because they are unsophisticated
as the Europeans would tell us. (They can take their
corrupt "sophistication" and corrupt values and shove
them you know where.)
The vast majority of couples in the U.S. are
faithful to each other because they know that there are
some things more important than immediate gratification.
To put it simply, they put a high value on being decent,
as quaint as that might seem to some.
Of all the honorable things a man can do in life,
one of the most honorable is to become a father. I'm not
talking about becoming a "sperm donor," I'm talking about
becoming a father, someone who can pass on something to
his son(s) or daughter(s) to be proud of. Not money or
power, but pass on a tradition worth emulating: "Son (or
Daughter), these are the principles I lived by. Fashions
may change, but these ideals are real for our family. You
can trust them. When you practice them, you'll grow."
I feel deep shame and sadness for our country and
for the First Couple. A marriage of political
convenience, or of sacrifice for shared ambitions and
political goals however laudable is not a marriage that I
would want or wish on my worst enemy.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The HeartThread Journal Page 15
"Son, I did this and I achieved that, but I had sex
with all these others while married to your mother."
These are shameful words, and no media analyst or
socalled "expert" will ever convince me otherwise.
Son, be a man who will honor his commitments,
especially the commitment of marriage. When I was your
age, I thought being the President was the highest
position you could aspire to. I was wrong.
....................................................
Richard Panzer is the founder of Free Teens, and the
President of the Center for Educational Media.
You can email him at: CenEdMedia@aol.com.
Check out his website at: www.freeteens.org
* * * * * * * *
Love Nerves
.............
by Tymon Brown
written at age 7
Wouldn't it be great
if we only had nerves
that could feel love?
Then the whole world
would only feel good things,
And nobody would feel anything bad.
* * * * * * * *
Some Questions Raised by the Movie "Contact"
..............................................
by Betsy Mathews Wright
Until I saw the movie "Contact" this week,(July
'97) I doubted the worthiness of debates on whether or
not there is intelligent life beyond earth. After all,
most folks have their minds made up on the topic, so
there really didn't seem like much more for thoughtful
people of faith to discuss.
The pragmatist in me wanted to yell at all those
arguing: "Why does it matter? Aren't there enough
pressing matters here that need our attention? So beam us
back to Earth, Scottie, and let's get back to the
business of this planet, without worrying over another
world."
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The HeartThread Journal Page 16
Well, like I said, that's how I felt before I saw
"Contact."
Walking from the theater, I felt as if I'd had my
theological socks knocked off. It made my brain swim with
questions about God, science, technology, truth and of
course, the existence of intelligent life "out there".
In case you've been living in a cave, "Contact" is
the new Jodie Foster film based on Carl Sagan's novel
about man's search for intelligent life beyond this
planet. What the movie attempts - and succeeds to do so
eloquently - is draw closer the wide gulf between science
and religion. It shows that both are relevant. That we
don't have to exclude one for the other in our attempt to
find truth. Both can help individuals answer the eternal
question, "What is the meaning of my life?"
I've always assumed there is other intelligent life out
there. I guess I've seen enough "Nova" programs to
understand the sheer statistical probability of it. With
all the billions of stars in the universe, it seems
incredibly arrogant to believe that our solar system, via
our planet, is the only one that contains life.
What "Contact" did for me, though, is help me see
the religious ramification of that assumption.
If we do find other intelligent life out there, will
it look like us? And if it doesn't, what does that do to
our belief that we are made in God's image? Also, how
will God have revealed himself to these others? If the
revelation is different from our own, and they are more
advanced than us, will we take that to mean they know God
better than we do and accept their version of God?
As a Christian, I naturally must wonder how Jesus
fits into this picture? Has Jesus been to their planet,
too? If so, would that convince the millions of
non-Christians here of his divinity? If not, does that
mean Jesus was just a man and that Christians like me
have spent the past 2,000 years worshipping a piece of
fiction?
Conversely, what if we are the only sentient beings
in the universe? Why would God waste so much space - to
borrow a phrase from the movie - with a cosmos? Is it
just for our viewing pleasure? Is it there just as a
centuries-old navigational tool for humanity? Did God
made the cosmos just to make us feel tiny and
unimportant? Did he make it to make us feel his majesty?
In "Contact", the main character says she wishes she
could share her extraterrestrial experience with every
human, filling them with both awe and humility in order
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The HeartThread Journal Page 17
to give them hope. She says she'd like all humans to
understand that we are both insignificant and yet rare
and unique.
Isn't that what religion does? Religion tries to
balance our feelings of insignificance with our feelings
of preciousness. Religious faith can fill us with awe for
a creator who is much greater, wiser and wonderful that
we can ever imagine, humbling us with the realization
that we can never fully know our maker.
Religious faith can also make us feel precious to
God, a creator who knows every one of us intimately down
to the number of hairs on each of our heads.
"Contact" makes you think about all of this. It also
deals with the uglier side of religion, examining the
fear that the discovery of other life in the universe
would bring. It shows how extremist groups might
violently react when traditional tenets of faith are
threatened. That's something to ponder.
The movie made me realize we have several options.
We can choose to believe we are probably not alone in
this universe and get comfortable with the vulnerability
that mystery brings. We can choose to dismiss this
notion, which means believing that we are truly God's
chosen species and that all those other stars and
galaxies and planets have no life forms and were created
by God for us alone. Or we can choose to believe that
there are other planets, with other life forms, but that
those aliens certainly resemble us and they certainly
follow one of our faiths.
I'll go with choice No. 1. I believe having a
relationship with God is about learning you are not God.
It's understanding that we humans can't know all that God
has going on, here or elsewhere. It mean's humbling
ourselves with wonder, not hoisting ourselves upon a
pedestal of arrogance.
Once more, there comes a debate that reminds us
humans that having a relationship with God means knowing
there's much more that we don't know than there is of
what we do know.
And that makes the debate worthwhile.
............................................
Betsy's column comes to us with permission.
She writes for the Virginian-Pilot
at 921 Battlefield Blvd., Chesapeake VA 23320.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The HeartThread Journal Page 18
Kitchen Billiards
...................
by Kim Korman Brown
I chalk the end of my mop
and pop
that watermelon chunk off the baseboard.
Look at the lineup on the floor:
A puddle of sticky apple juice,
a variety of crumbs,
a bacterial homestead.
I press against the table and take aim at stray toys
and lob them into the next room
with a vengeance.
I clean up that green felt linoleum like Minnesota Fats,
gather my winnings, and flick off the light.
* * * * * * * *
The Sad Tale of Rupert and Eggbert
....................................
by Peter F. Brown
Rupert was a peaceful cat.
He lay in the sun all day, dreaming of nice things
that walked on four legs.
He was a playful cat.
One day, a small, timid mouse named Eggbert danced
across Rupert's nose.
But Rupert wasn't upset at all. No, not at all.
He lay there calmly, wondering why Eggbert had two
g's in his name. He wondered if the mouse had a brother
named Bacon.
Eggbert was a merry fellow. He danced and played and
frolicked around Rupert for quite a long time -- a long
time, that is, for a mouse. He twirled his tiny whiskers,
and danced, and danced, thinking all the while about New
York Cheddar.
Rupert was glad that Eggbert had come to see him. He
didn't mind the dancing -- at least not for a little
while.
After a bit, Rupert gazed out of the window, and
dreamed of nice things that walked on four legs.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The HeartThread Journal Page 19
He yawned and smiled, rather sleepily.
When Rupert glanced away from the window, Eggbert
was nowhere to be seen.
But Rupert didn't mind at all.
No, not at all, for Rupert's tummy was now full.
* * * * * * * *
The Movie Mom's Guide to
Family Movies and Videos
..........................
by Nell Minow
Reviews for parents of the best of current films and
old movies available on video and cable, by Nell Minow,
author, film critic, and mother. Reviews will be updated
each week with recommendations and replies to questions
about movies on special topics, suitability of particular
movies for children, and movie trivia--try to stump me!
I'd also love your suggestions for a new book on movies
for families. The best kids' comments I receive will be
published. The Movie Mom (TM)
Now in Theaters
***************
The Man in the Iron Mask
........................
(1998) Rated PG-13 for
violence and sexual references
It's more than 20 years since the "all for one and
one for all" days and the Three Musketeers and their
friend D'Artagnan (Gabriel Byrne) have gone their
separate ways. Athos (John Malkovich) is a loving father
to his son, Raoul, himself a Musketeer; Artemis (Jeremy
Irons) is a priest; and Porthos (Gerard Depardieu) is
something of a libertine. Only D'Artagnan is still in
service to the cruel and selfish young king, forever
loyal to the crown, if not the man who wears it, and to
his own true love, the king's mother.
A mysterious prisoner in an iron mask turns out to
be the king's identical twin brother, and the original
Musketeers free him so they can substitute him for the
king, whose subjects are rioting in the streets to
protest his neglect and abuse. The result is a
respectable -- if slow-moving -- swashbuckler with teen
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The HeartThread Journal Page 20
idol Leonardo DiCaprio appearing as the twins. With
double the roles he plays in "Titanic" and some good
swordfighting scenes, this will have strong appeal for
boys and girls in the 8-16 range. Parents should know,
however, that there is some coarse language, overheard
sex, suggested group sex, and a young woman who kills
herself when she finds out that the king deliberately
caused the death of her beloved (Athos' son Raoul) so
that he could seduce her. Families who do see the movie
should take the opportunity to talk about some of the
issues of conflicts and loyalty it raises.
Titanic
.......
(1997) Rated PG-13 for brief nudity, sexual
references, tension, and tragedy
Classic Greek tragedies explored the theme of hubris
as human characters dared to take on the attributes of
the gods only to find their hopes crushed. This is a
real-life story of hubris, as the ship declared to be
"unsinkable" (and therefore not equipped with lifeboats
for the majority of the passengers) sank on its maiden
voyage from England to the United States.
In this blockbuster movie, winner of ten Oscars
including Best Picture and Best Director and on its way
to becoming the highest-grossing movie of all time, the
disaster serves as the backdrop to a tragic love story
between Rose (Kate Winslet), an upper class (though
impoverished) girl and Jack (Leonardo DiCaprio), a lower
class (though artistic) boy who won the ticket in a poker
game. Parents should know that the movie features brief
nudity (as Rose poses for Jack) and suggested sex (in a
steamy car). A much more serious concern is the tragedy
itself, with hundreds of frozen dead bodies floating in
the water, which may be upsetting or even terrifying for
some kids.
The movie raises important questions about choices
faced by the characters, as we see a wide range of
behavior from the most honorable to the most despicable.
The captain (whose decision to try to break a speed
record contributed to the disaster) and the ship's
designer (whose plan for additional lifeboats was
abandoned because it made the decks look too cluttered)
go down with the ship, but the owner and Rose's greedy
and snobbish fiance survive. Molly Brown (dubbed
"Unsinkable" for her bravery that night) tries to
persuade the other passengers in the lifeboats to go back
for the rest. But they refuse, knowing that there is no
way to rescue them without losing their own lives. They
wait to be picked up by another ship, listening to the
shrieks of the others until they are all gone.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The HeartThread Journal Page 21
Many parents have asked me about the appeal of this
movie to young teens, especially teen-age girls. The
answer is that in addition to the appeal of its young
stars, director James Cameron has written an almost
perfect adolescent fantasy for girls. Rose is an ideal
heroine, rebelling against her mother's snobbishness and
insistence that she marry for money. And Jack is an ideal
romantic hero -- sensitive, brave, honorable, completely
devoted, and (very important for young girls) not
aggressive (she makes the decision to pursue the
relationship, and he is struck all but dumb when she
insists on posing nude). If he is not quite androgynous,
he is not exactly bursting with testosterone either, and,
ultimately, he is not around. As with so many other
fantasies of the perfect romance, from Heathcliff and
Cathy in "Wuthering Heights" to Rick and Ilse in
"Casablanca" the characters have all the pleasures of the
romantic dream with no risk of having to actually build a
life with anyone. It is interesting that the glimpses we
get of Rose's life after the Titanic show her alone,
though we meet her granddaughter and hear her refer to
her husband. Parents can have some very good discussions
with teens about this movie by listening carefully and
respectfully when they explain why it is important to
them, as this is a crucial stage in their development.
...............................................
The Movie Mom's Guide is on the web at:
http://pages.prodigy.com/moviemom/moviemom.html
"Movie Mom" is a trademark of Nell Minow
All material (C) 1998 Nell Minow
Email: nellm@aol.com
* * * * * * * *
- HeartQuestions -
Questions & Reflections about
Marriage, Parenting, Family & Society
---------------------------------------
[Romance after Children; Abstinence v. Pre-Marital
Sex; the Commitment of Marriage]
by Peter F. Brown
DEAR PETER:
We are the parents of a one year old daughter and
the opportunities for romance are now very few and far
between. What can I do that is romantic for my husband
that I can do while she's sleeping? Basically, I'm saying
a get away is needed but impossible.
Billi Wagner
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The HeartThread Journal Page 22
DEAR BILLI:
Life does change when we have children, doesn't it?
I remember taking our (then) two year old boy to a
restaurant, and having him throw his milk bottle over the
railing, directly onto the shiny bald pate of an adjacent
diner. What an evening! You still have time, though,
because you have only one young child (so far.) One
possibility for you is to make a scrumptious dinner for
your husband, with candlelight, etc., and create a
romantic ambiance right at home. I would recommend
dressing up for dinner -- wear that fabulous gown that he
may not have seen in awhile. Just make sure you mutually
agree to it - so he doesn't decide to go to a baseball
game instead, on the way home. Knowing that such a
romantic dinner awaits him will fill him with such eager
anticipation that he'll look forward to it all day.
DEAR PETER:
I have just read Julie Mckinnon's letter [from Dec.
22, 1997]. I'm on the other side and wonder if there is
anything I can do to promote my husband of 9 months'
feelings to grow toward my son. We married and moved 3
states away from all family. My son is 7 and his father
has broken all communication with him unless he is
visiting with other family and is asked to see him. My
husband is a very good man and has handled a few
disciplinary problems very well. There just doesn't seem
to be any relationship budding. My son is a loving little
boy and has never resented my husband. He seems to want
to have a relationship with him. My husband has never
been around children much because he is the baby of his
family. Is there anything I can do beside the prayer and
waiting I've been doing?
K.L.
DEAR K.L:
You might recommend parenting classes to your
husband, as a natural outgrowth of his new
responsibilities as a step father. Additionally, it's
very effective to have him spend time with his new son -
one on one. Of course you can join in - perhaps you can
all play games together. I think it would help to just
get to know him better - which requires a lot of personal
and casual interaction, with your husband listening to
your son, in order to find out about his feelings.
DEAR PETER:
What is the origin of the traditional marriage vows?
Thank you.
TV
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The HeartThread Journal Page 23
DEAR TV:
I traced the vows back to the Wedding Ceremony
contained in the 1662 Book of Common Prayer used by the
Anglican Church in England. You can read the unedited
text at "http://paul.spu.edu/~kst/bib/1662boc.txt", a web
site dealing with Medieval and Renaissance wedding
information. The vows end with the familiar words, "WITH
this Ring I thee wed...".
DEAR PETER:
My 19 year old foster daughter has just stated that
she no longer believes that -- absent pregnancy or STDs
-- it is wrong to engage in premarital sex. I have no
hard evidence to present to her about the near and long
term emotional negative impacts of such activities. She
has pledged to abstain until graduation from college (2
years) and has acquiesced to my attempting to return her
to our (formerly) mutual way of thinking. Can you offer a
resource that would provide data about those long-term
ill affects? She is as left-brained as I and responds to
rational argument and data - although it needs to be
fairly convincing because the hormones are starting to
rage!
DWT
DEAR DWT:
I highly recommend the "FreeTeens" program. You can
learn about it at "freeteens.org". It's a program for
teenagers that speaks to them in their language, about
the perils of pre-marital sex. It very clearly and
strongly recommends abstinence as the only good method of
avoiding STDs such as AIDS. It also recommends abstinence
because of its good effect on young people, in terms of
character building, and building the foundation for a
healthy marriage. It has a lot of statistics to back up
its arguments for abstinence.
DEAR PETER:
Is marriage possible for the future? I have been in
a relationship for 6 years with someone that I love very
much. However, I am sorry to say that I do not think that
it will go any farther than our situation now we are
living together. We have been, for most of the 6 years.
We each have one son; they both live with us and get
along fine. The problems we have always seem to come
around the time that we have set to actually get married.
I just don't understand. I feel in my heart that he
really does not want to be married again. I am not sure
that I want to continue on in this relationship with
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The HeartThread Journal Page 24
someone that does not consider me good enough or right to
marry. Please give me your opinion.
Lil
DEAR LIL:
I recommend marriage, because of its eternal
commitment to one's spouse (among other reasons.) A
relationship of real love requires an unwavering
commitment to go through the bad times or struggles that
happen between couples. Marriage is many things, but one
of its primary components is (and should be) that the
spouses pledge their love to each other. How will it last
if they can't do that? You have children, so it's more
complicated for them if you break up with him, even
though you're not married. I would recommend that you try
to get him to understand that committing to marriage is
easy if he is truly committed to his love for you and the
children. If he's not committed, then why isn't he?
Perhaps you can lead him through the process of answering
those questions.
........................................................
Peter F. Brown is the author of the book,
"Striving for Parental Love" and lives in
Virginia Beach, VA with his wife Kim and their
four children, Tymon, Thea Grace, Ranin and Tadin
HeartQuestions is published as a column on
The HeartThread Resource Page at:
"http://futurerealm.com"
Email: peterbrown@futurerealm.com
* * * * * * * *
A Picnic
..........
by Kim Korman Brown
My husband and I recently went to a book sale at the
Chrysler Museum of Art, in Norfolk, Virginia. 40,000
books were donated to the museum for the fund raiser.
Peter and I were drooling, hoping to find old copies of
N.C. Wyeth illustrated classics, maybe some Thornton W.
Burgess, or other treasures to add to our children's
library.
We ended up buying 102 old books which cost us a
whopping $42. We didn't find everything we were looking
for, but we still got some great stuff. We got several
anthologies packed with stories and essays from the 19th
and early 20th centuries. One story I read from these
impacted me very much. It was written by someone named S.
Libin, a Russian born writer, who specialized mainly in
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The HeartThread Journal Page 25
stories about Jewish immigrants living in urban America.
This story was reprinted in a 1935 collection of stories
and essays entitled, "Today's Literature, An Omnibus".
It doesn't say, but it probably takes place around the
turn of the century.
The story deals with Shmuel, the cap maker, and his
wife, Sarah, who once went for a picnic that went wrong.
They live in a crowded tenement where they "sit day and
night, sweating in the dark", with their six children.
One day, Shmuel comes home and proposes to his wife that
they go on a picnic. They've been in America for a long
time now, and his wife only knows her way to the market
and back. They've never seen anything or been anywhere.
It's time to take a little time and enjoy life like
normal people.
So they struggle to decide if they can afford the 80
cents for carfare and food. (The picnic will be a bottle
of milk, a damaged pineapple, a few bananas and some
rolls.) They spend an entire Sunday morning scrubbing the
children, sewing a button on where it's needed, and
grooming themselves to get ready to go out. Sarah wears
her old, satin wedding dress. They board the streetcar
and are on their way.
After traveling a while, the baby, who had been
dozing, wakes up feeling sick and starts to cry. The
mother tries to hush him and then all the children start
to cry. The conductor gives the mother a dirty look, and
the father drops the bag of refreshments, breaking the
bottle of milk.
They get off the streetcar at a park, exhausted and
disheartened. Sarah says to Shmuel, "So nothing would
content him but a picnic? Much good may it do him! You're
a workman, and workmen have no call to go gadding about!"
But the mother sits down and nurses the baby, the
children play in the grass, and they hear the music of a
street musician nearby. They begin to feel better. The
couple sit, lost in thought. The wife puts her hand on
her husband's knee, and she nearly cries thinking about
their hard, bitter life. It seems like they are on the
verge of a breakthrough in communication, a moment of
beautiful closeness.
Suddenly, it begins to rain. They dash to a shelter
and all the children start to cry again, this time with
hunger. Shmuel opens the bag of food to find everything
soaked and smashed. Sarah's heart fills with venom, and
she whispers to him, "The same to you, my good man."
Shmuel has 5 cents left and goes to a refreshment
stand to buy something for his children to eat. It costs
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The HeartThread Journal Page 26
20 cents for a glass of milk and a roll. He is completely
crestfallen and comes back empty handed. His wife curses
him saying, "I'll pay you out for...the whole of my
miserable existence."
They return home, separated in heart. Sarah refuses
him dinner and he goes to bed hungry, repeating all night
in his sleep, "A picnic, oi, a picnic."
It said in the "Omnibus" that this story was
supposed to be extracting humor from a distressing event.
I cried when I finished reading it. I thought this story
was completely heartbreaking. It was the only time in
this couple's entire lives that they ever tried to have a
little fun. It backfired, and they never tried again.
The story plainly illustrates the hardship
experienced by working class people, at a time when
freedom was not easily enjoyed. They had little
discretionary time or money. Communication between
married couples wasn't stressed as much as it is today.
Even though married couples tended to stay together more,
people held grudges against each other and endured their
loneliness separately. Sarah's harshness is hard to
forgive, especially when it follows the tender feelings
she had for Shmuel briefly in the park. You think that
because they've stuck it out together for so long that
they will finally get to enjoy the beautiful intimacy
that can develop from suffering together. The saddest
part of the story is that Sarah cancels their chance for
the ecstasy of unity, by having a hard heart toward her
husband. His only crime was wanting to enjoy life a
little. When he gives up too, he succumbs to the
historical tendency that infers that it's not the place
of working people to have fun.
Happily, human relationships have improved since
this era, and society is less class-oriented. It is now
universally accepted that all levels of society have the
right to pursue happiness. It is pitiful to consider all
of the people who have lived and died in utter drudgery,
rarely knowing a fulfilling moment.
Reading about different historical time periods
makes us aware of the generations who became the
foundation of the world we enjoy now. America was settled
by immigrants seeking a better future for themselves and
their children. Very few of them actually tasted those
benefits. Things change slowly. The sacrifice of those
who came before us is dignified when we don't take our
blessings for granted. So, the next time you go on a
picnic, have a good time.
........................................
Kim Korman Brown is a writer and a Mom
Email: kimbrown@futurerealm.com
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The HeartThread Journal Page 27
The HeartThread Resource Guide
- Resources for Couples, Parents & Families -
...............................................
If you have any books, products, services, seminars,
or other helpful items that you would like us
to mention in this space, please email us at
"peterbrown@futurerealm.com".
Ad spaces are 23 character wide x 18 lines long.
Submissions should be formatted correctly and emailed.
This advertising space is FREE for a limited time.
Items do not have to fall within specific categories,
but we do reserve the right to selectively approve
any and all advertisements.
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The HeartThread Journal Page 28
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The HeartThread Journal Page 29