The HeartThread Journal - 3rd and 4th Quarter, 1997
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* The HeartThread Journal *
- The Journal of
Marriage,
Parenting,
Family & Society -
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Vol. 2, Nos. 3-4
4th Quarter, 1997
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Published by FutureRealm Productions
* The HeartThread Journal *
- The Journal of Marriage, Parenting, Family & Society -
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Vol. 2, Nos. 2-3 4th Quarter, 1997
"To promote and encourage the 'thread' of unselfish heart and love
that invisibly connects husbands and wives, parents and children,
brothers and sisters -- and thus, the world."
---------------------------------------------
From the Editor
...............
This issue is a bit larger than normal, because
we've combined our 3rd and 4th Quarter issues into one
large Holiday issue. Truthfully, I was so busy this fall
that I just couldn't get the HTJ out any earlier. The HTJ
continues to be our labor of love, though, so you can
look forward to more issues in 1998.
I'm proud to say that this issue was almost entirely
put together by my Queen, Co-Editor, and wife, Kim. She
has found some very tasty and interesting tidbits for
your Christmas reading pleasure. Compare, if you will,
the beautiful heart expressed by Anne Bradstreet, in
1678, in her poem "To My Dear and Loving Husband", with
the dried up and withered advice proposed by Mrs. Ruth
Smythers in 1894, in "Instructions for the Young Bride"
(which we've included to demonstrate what we should NOT
do in our marriages.)
We've included a piece that was circulating around
the Net, "Who You Are Makes a A Difference", by an
unknown author (unknown at least to us.) It caught my
attention because of the high rate of teen suicide today.
We can never tell our children too often how much we love
them and cherish them.
And... for all of you who have been totally
convinced that hard rock rots your children's brains,
we've now got the proof. Check out the article by
Lorraine Eaton about mice and rock music, and then run
and check your children's CD rack.
Finally, Kim and I wish all of you a VERY wonderful
Holiday season, and the best of great, good fortune in
the new year. In between issues of the HTJ, hop on by our
HeartThread Resource Page website, at futurerealm.com and
leave a comment, if you like, in the discussion forum.
God Bless, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy
Kwanzaa, Happy Hunting and Happy New Year!
Peter F. Brown
Editor & Publisher
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The HeartThread Journal Page 1
TABLE OF CONTENTS
* From the Editor, Peter F. Brown ......................1
* To My Dear and Loving Husband,
by Anne Bradstreet ...................................5
* Parenting in a Changing World,
by Nora Spurgin ......................................5
* Organizing Feelings,
by Susan S. Campbell ................................12
* Mutton Bustin',
by Kiesa Kay ........................................13
* The Lion Sleeps Tonight,
by Betty St. John ...................................14
* Mozart or Rock? For these Mice it was a No-brainer,
by Lorraine Eaton ...................................15
* Instructions for the Young Bride,
by Mrs. Ruth Smythers ...............................17
* Okay, God,
by Jo Smith .........................................20
* Who You Are Makes a A Difference,
Author Unknown ......................................21
* The Movie Mom's Guide to Movies
and Videos for Families, by Nell Minow ..............23
(Review of "Flubber" and "Fairy Tale: A True Story")
* HeartQuestions / Questions & Reflections
about Marriage, Parenting, Family & Society
"Origin of the Wedding March;
Finding the Heart to Love Step-Children;
Winning a Daughter's Approval of a New Boyfriend"
by Peter F. Brown ...................................25
* Princess Diana and Ponette,
by Kim Korman Brown .................................28
* The HeartThread Resource Guide:
Resources for Couples, Parents & Families ...........31
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The HeartThread Journal Page 2
The HeartThread Journal
is published by FutureRealm Productions
Publisher and Editor - Peter F. Brown
Co-Publisher and Co-Editor - Kim Korman Brown
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Visit our web page, "The HeartThread Resource Page", at:
"http://futurerealm.com"
or our other site at "http://worldcommunity.com"
or email us at: "peterbrown@futurerealm.com"
or: "kimbrown@futurerealm.com"
You can mail us at:
FutureRealm Productions
P.O. Box 4131 ~ Virginia Beach, VA 23454 / USA
or you can call us at: (757) 468-6848
or fax us at: (757) 468-6461
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WRITERS ARE ALWAYS NEEDED
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If you want to write for The HeartThread Journal,
we will be happy to review your article, column or story.
Please review our "Writers Guidelines" on our web page,
and email us your proposal or actual work.
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The HeartThread Journal Page 3
ADVERTISING INFORMATION
***********************
Advertising products or services of value or interest
to parents, couples or families is encouraged.
Brief textual advertisements will appear in the
"HeartThread Resource Guide" at the end of this journal.
For a limited time, advertisements will be FREE.
When this special advertising promotion ends,
advertising rates will be published.
FREE ADVERTISING FOR AUTHORS
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All authors receive FREE advertising space in
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COPYRIGHT INFORMATION
*********************
All materials contained herein are
(C) Copyright 1997 by FutureRealm Productions
except for individual articles and columns,
which are Copyrighted by their respective authors.
Individual authors retain all rights to their articles,
unless otherwise specified.
All Rights Reserved Worldwide.
No part of this journal may be used or reproduced
in any manner whatsoever without
written permission from the publisher,
or the individual authors
(in the case of their articles or columns),
except in cases of brief quotations
embodied in articles and reviews.
Opinions expressed by writers in The HeartThread Journal
are not necessarily those of FutureRealm Productions.
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LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
*********************
Readers wishing to submit a letter should email it to:
"peterbrown@futurerealm.com"
or send it by regular mail to the above address.
Letters may be edited for grammar or length.
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The HeartThread Journal Page 4
To My Dear and Loving Husband
...............................
by Anne Bradstreet
(1612-1672)
If ever two were one, then surely we.
If ever man were lov'd by wife, then thee;
If ever wife was happy in a man,
Compare with me ye women if you can.
I prize thy love more than whole Mines of gold,
Or all the riches that East doth hold.
My love is such that Rivers cannot quench,
Nor ought but love from thee, give recompense.
Thy love is such I can no way repay,
The heavens reward thee manifold I pray.
Then while we live, in love lets so persever,
That when we live no more, we may live ever.
........................................................
Published in 1678 in "The Tenth Muse".
Anne Bradstreet was born in England in 1612, married
Simon Bradstreet at the age of 16, and two years later,
they, with her parents, came to the Massachusetts Bay
colony with the John Winthrop party. Her father and her
husband were later both Governors. Her poetry was com-
posed under many handicaps -- she was the mother of eight
children, and she wrote in a time when,(in her words),
women's hands were better fitted to a needle than a pen.
[This poem expresses my feelings for Peter. - kkb]
* * * * * * * *
Parenting in a Changing World
...............................
by Nora M. Spurgin
We often look back to the "good old days" as the
model for a traditional family lifestyle, and remember
with nostalgia stories from our own childhood. Visions of
mothers at home baking apple pie, grandparents visiting
from nearby, uncles and aunts and cousins, and rural
settings where children could feel free and safe, float
across our minds.
For many of us, looking back to the values of the
traditional family in those years has little meaning or
connection to our present two career, urban family. In
this article, I want to take a creative look at the needs
of the often smaller family in our modern, highly
technological, career oriented world.
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No matter what the environment, or what our time
period, the needs of children are the same. They have
needs for love, security, nurturing, training,
relationship and a sense of belonging. Certainly the two
parent family with the availability of an extended family
is still ideal, but not always possible. Therefore we
must create a model of parenting that fits our present
circumstances.
Pride in Parenthood
*******************
First, I believe we need to reestablish the nobility
of parenting -- motherhood and fatherhood. Before mothers
worked outside the home, it was the mother who became the
glue to fill in the gaps and tie the family into a whole
unit. For example, if Junior was ill, Mom was at home to
care for him; if Dad couldn't find his important papers,
Mom searched the house and took them to the office. She
ran the errands, was the taxi service, supplied the
household, and was there when a parent was needed. This
role, although often sacrificial, had its own rewards in
experiencing the pride and joys of motherhood.
In our two career families, there oftentimes is no
such adhesive, although we cannot deny the need for it.
Parenting is a noble art. It takes thought, planning,
time and the right attitude to be a good parent in
today's world. The effort made will realize no monetary
returns, but the rewards of happy children and families
are more than we often want to recognize. After all, what
do we do with the money we earn? Some of it goes to buy
the pleasure which comes free with a happy family. Let's
look creatively at some of the problems that parents face
and some suggestions for solving them.
Lack of Time
************
Working parents have an eight-hour-plus chunk of
time already accounted for, cutting deeply into parenting
opportunities. Much as we might like to extend it, we
have only twenty four hours in a day. This requires
efficiency not only in the workplace, but also in the
home.
I believe that every family will do well to put time
and thought into organizing the family chores so that
parents and children can work and play together. Busy
parents have less time to play or relax, creating a
harried, frantic home atmosphere. First of all, more time
can be freed up to play together when the whole family
shares the work load. This works best if children are
included from a very young age, learning how to care for
a home, cook, etc. as they work side by side with their
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parents. Working together can be joyful; our attitudes
toward it may need to be changed.
Secondly, children need to be busy, or entertained.
How many of us sigh with frustration while we're trying
to get the kitchen floor mopped with a four year old
tugging at us and begging to be taken to the park? How
about including the little fellow in the mopping job?
Give him a wet sponge and let him work on the spots.
He'll challenge them as if they were armies to be
conquered single-handedly by his little self. The same is
true of the older child - there is a need for
constructive activity. Even a small job outside the home
may take the pressure off parents to fill the
"constructively occupied" need.
Some Suggestions from Personal Experience
*****************************************
When my four children were young, I often kept them
occupied with jobs which made them feel close to me.
Cleaning day found them with their own little plastic
buckets and sponges and a bit of soapy water. The job: go
around the house and wipe off any spots you see -
anywhere. This kept them occupied while I, too, was
cleaning. Contests are fun. My grown children still laugh
about the time I made a "strong man contest" for my eight
year old son and his friends who were looking for
something to do. I gave each a plastic bag and sent them
outside to pull weeds in the yard with a prize for the
"strongest man," the one who filled the bag first. They
were busily and joyfully looking for the largest weeds in
order to pull up first when suddenly one of them said,
"This is no contest - Mrs. Spurgin is getting us to pull
the weeds!" So ended the weed pulling, but we all still
laugh about it!
We also had a period of time when all the children
had a list of "jump starts." I figured they had a lot of
pent-up energy to express when they arrived home from
school. It is good to capture it before they settle into
the "couch potato" mode in front of the TV. Every morning
I made a list of five minute "jump start jobs" and posted
them on the refrigerator. Upon returning from school,
each child immediately did one job and checked it off.
This took place before I returned home from work. The
jobs included things such as:
- empty all the trash cans in the house
- tear up a head of lettuce in a bowl for salad
- put away a load of laundry
- gather all the dirty clothes and put them in the laundry
- vacuum the living room floor
- clean a bathtub
- water all the plants in the house
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I also found that children are overwhelmed by
general directions such as "put your toys away" or "clean
your room." So I approached their jobs with specific
directions. I called them bite-size jobs. For example: a
direction like "everyone pick up 100 Legos" would get
them all going, and thousands of Legos would be picked up
as they kept counting. Even the baby learned to count
this way. Cleaning the room gets done better when you
instruct, "pick up all the dirty clothes"; "now, make the
bed," etc. Not only is the job less overwhelming, but the
parent is involved and the child feels cared for.
Sometimes I gave each child a grocery bag and asked
them to pick up everything that wasn't in its right place
and put it in the bag. I sat at the kitchen table and
sorted out the dumped bags, telling them where to put
things that I'd sorted. Thus, pins, paper clips, pennies,
buttons, socks, papers, pencils and pens were cleared out
and put away in short order. How much more difficult
would it be for them to put each item away separately.
Mowing the lawn may seem overwhelming until you say,
"You mow for ten minutes while I trim the hedges." The
point of these stories is that with busy, working
parents, the whole family found joy in working together,
work became play, and by sharing the work there was more
time for other play.
Playing Together
****************
There are times when each of us enjoys our own
particular activity but it's wonderful to find something
everyone enjoys. For example, I found that doing
exercises was fun for all the children while I worked at
getting rid of my "tummy." We also found that shared
playtimes, trips and vacations with other families were
some of our greatest fun times. This puts less pressure
on the small family unit to enjoy each other's activity.
There was the time we spent a week at the beach with two
other families with children the same age. Sometimes a
family went fishing for a day together, other times it
was the men and boys who fished, while the girls sat
around and talked. Going camping as families is another
such activity. One dad may take a nap while another takes
the kids hiking. The tired dad may be ready to play a
game with kids in the light of a campfire later that
evening.
Today's families have become smaller; children no
longer have many brothers and sisters or even cousins
with whom to play. It is hard for parents to always fill
the need for companionship, but it's good to "be around."
By several families sharing trips and vacations, there is
great variety in fun-sharing. Parents spend time together
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The HeartThread Journal Page 8
while the children play. Or, there are enough people to
make a board game fun. This is especially true when a
family has only one or two children or is a single parent
with children.
Family-Mates with the Same Values
*********************************
When children are young, the parents' values are
easily passed on, but as the children grow older, values
of peers make the greater impact. My husband and I found
that the relationships made with other families (in our
case it was church families) became the relationships
which influenced our children most as teenagers. It is
worth cultivating extended-family relationships when they
are young, for they will often take such friendships into
their youth.
When our children were teenagers, we moved to
another state. We knew it would be hard for them to find
friends who shared our values. We knew a Japanese family
who was moving back to Japan, and whose teenage children
wanted to complete high school in America, so we offered
to have their teenage girls live with us and go to school
with our children. These built-in friends made the move
much easier for everyone and our families still share a
deep companionship. When there were four teenagers in the
house there was less need for the kind of "entertainment"
which can lead them into trouble. Finding "family-mates"
isn't always easy. One might even try a notice or ad
seeking to find a like-minded family to share time with
as an alternative to the extended family.
The Workplace
*************
I believe that our communities, employers and
corporations will begin to pay more attention to need for
a family-friendly workplace if we, as parents, make
creative proposals for the provision of family-friendly
workplaces. Take for instance, child care. For a working
mother, finding the right child care situation is
paramount. Some corporate parks and large corporations
provide child care facilities for their employees. Let's
push for more of this. I long to see the day when the
family can work and be cared for in close proximity.
Several years ago I worked as a psychological
consultant in a nursing home. Absenteeism among employees
was an enormous and expensive problem. Mothers of small
children worked different shifts, including night shifts.
I kept thinking that it would solve several problems if
we included a flexible-hours child care facility in our
large nursing homes. An additional benefit would be that
the residents of the nursing home could watch the
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The HeartThread Journal Page 9
children at play. Both parents and children could feel a
sense of comfort in such proximity and could enjoy the
convenience of flexible child care with no extra
transportation. Hospitals and any other employers who
hire round-the-clock help might consider this.
Shorter Days, Shorter Weeks, and Shared Jobs
********************************************
Jobs are jobs. Employers are employers. And work is
work. A bit of creativity, however, could bring about a
much improved situation for families with small children.
If employers made shorter work days available to both
mothers and fathers, precious extra family time would be
available. A four-day week option would allow time for a
parent to catch up on the extra needs of the family.
Other options to create or seek maybe nine-day
fortnights or "week-on, week-off" arrangements. Some
places of employment have created weekend only jobs.
Some husbands and wives have shared jobs, or two
employees share a job with the agreement to cover the
responsibilities between them. There is a wide variety of
part-time arrangements or individualized contracts to be
considered. What may seem impossible may, in fact, be not
only possible but desirable to employers. Working by
contract, for example, allows the employee flexibility
while the employer may prefer not having to provide a
benefit package. Penelope Leach, current spokeswoman for
good child care, addresses many of these considerations
in her book, "Children First: What Our Society Must
Do-and is Not Doing-for our Children Today." 1 We might
be able to be much more creative with our employers. It's
worth a try.
Working at Home
***************
According to a report from Link Resources
Corporation, a New York City based research and
consulting firm, the total number of full and part time
home based businesses recently hit 24.3 million; this is
an increase of 2.1 million people from the preceding
year. With the advent of computers, fax machines, and
even the Internet, our homes can easily be converted to
little work centers. Creative planning can change our
work patterns, allowing us to join the ranks of those who
work by contract from their homes. For a child, there's
nothing more comforting than a parent at home. Modern
technology is making it easier to conceive of working
there. The trend involving the family working from the
home rather than seeking both money and pleasure outside
the home is often referred to as "cocooning." This
growing trend is often attractive to both employers and
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The HeartThread Journal Page 10
employees and avoids costs such as transportation, child
care, and a more expensive wardrobe, as well as tax
breaks when having an office in the home. According to
Penelope Leach, "around six million American
telecommuters currently use computer modems, fax machines
and cellular phones installed for them by firms." 2
Conclusion: Seeking Creative Solutions
**************************************
In conclusion, I believe parents need to take a look
at the lifestyle trends of our times and think creatively
about making new opportunities for parenting within them.
The alternative is to turn a great deal of the parenting
relationship over to educational and other social
institutions, which might provide the training and
entertaining, but not the security and belonging.
Socializing institutions may turn out well-educated,
well-trained children, but seldom do they turn out
well-loved ones.
Ultimately, every child must know that somebody
loves him or her enough to make the sacrifices necessary
to parent that child. Parenting is a wonderful God given
opportunity to give and receive love. Carelessness or
lack of attention to parenting in our younger years may
deny us its rich rewards in later years.
The setting and the pace may be different from those
"good old days" -- but the exchange of love is the same
and every day is an opportunity to watch it grow.
Notes
*****
1. Penelope Leach, Children First: What Our Society
Must do-and is Not Doing-for Our Children Today. Alfred
A. Knopf, New York, 1994 2. Ibid
........................................................
Reprinted by permission from the book,
"Raising Children of Peace", 1997, published by HSAUWC.
Nora Spurgin has a masters degree in social work
with special training in psychodrama and hypnotherapy.
She is the author of "Insights into the Afterlife"
and is currently working on a book on angels.
She and her husband, Hugh, have four children.
* * * * * * * *
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ORGANIZING FEELINGS
.....................
by Susan S. Campbell, Ph.D.
We often deal with feelings about many things or
people. It's as if we have thrown them all in a closet,
and the closet frequently swings open and everything
dumps out on our heads!
So, we need to organize the closet: Mentally pull
everything out of it, then paint it and put shelves in
it. Next (still mentally), put boxes on the shelves, each
with a label representing a relationship, person or event
that we are struggling with. Then mentally put the
feelings where they belong in the boxes (usually we try
to do this quickly, without a lot of detail; kind of like
"Mary Poppins!"). We can give ourselves permission to
toss something in the box if it bothers us when we can't
deal with it. But, we need to agree to periodically get
down a box and go through what is in it.
To do this, prepare a loose-leaf notebook with
tabbed dividers which represent the box labels. Following
each divider, then insert 6 sheets of paper. On the top
of each is a level of feeling (borrowed from Barbara
D'Angelis' book "How to Make Love All the Time"). These
feelings include:
- Anger and Frustration
- Hurt
- Fears
- Remorse, responsibility and guilt
- Wishes and Intentions
- Love, Understanding, and Forgiveness
Then write on the pages as needed, depending on what
feelings seem to be most prevalent at that time. The
papers seem to help carry the load of those feelings so
we don't have to keep "processing" them. I have clients
star those feelings or thoughts that are particularly
meaningful or worrisome to them and we discuss them in
therapy. It has relieved many clients of recurring
feelings, so they could begin to progress and move
forward. They can tell that they are healing when they
are able to express the most positive feelings in the
last two categories!
...............................
Susan S. Campbell, Ph.D., is a
Marriage and Family Therapist
in Logan, Utah.
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Mutton Bustin'
................
by Kiesa Kay
My six-year-old daughter is swaggering tonight.
Ameli rode a sheep for fifteen seconds at the Estes Park
Rooftop Rodeo. She wore her blue jeans, cowgirl shirt,
cowgirl boots, pink suede vest and pink chaps. That girl
looked great.
In Mutton Bustin', six kids compete to see who can
have the best ride on sheep. Each sheep runs, turns, and
bucks a bit coming out of the chute. Yep, it's exciting.
Ameli was the first one out of the chute on a sheep, and
since the event's new this year, she's the first person
to ride a sheep in competition in Estes Park. As you
probably have guessed, this whole thing was totally her
idea from the get-go. She found out about it on a
brochure, filled out the paperwork, and woke me up at
midnight on the registration day to ask if I'd registered
her. Once we got to the place, she kept saying, "I hope I
get the biggest sheep. I hope I get a fast one." And I
kept saying, "Honey, if you change your mind, we can go
on home."
We had a wonderful time. The winner got new cowboy
boots, and everybody got really nice belt buckles.
Ameli's proud of her belt buckle.
She's thinking now that she'd like to barrel race
when she gets bigger. Would somebody tell me how I
managed to give birth to a cowgirl who loves math? And an
athletic son, too? With Benjamin, I've gained a stronger
appreciation for baseball and basketball. Now, with
Ameli, it looks like I'll be learning about rodeos and
horses in a major way.
I've been one of the liberals, worrying about how
rodeo animals get treated and all. (They seemed to be
healthy, fit and fine. Bulls have it best, steers have it
worse. No surprises there.) The most surrealistic moment
came when the rodeo crowd sang along to the Village
People's "YMCA" song. "Do you think these folks know that
the Village People are cross-dressing gay icons?" I asked
Clark.
Clark and I got to feel like Super Dad and Super
Mommy, because we let our baby girl make a choice and
take a chance that mattered to her, even though it wasn't
our big thing. I love marriage, and this mommy stuff is
the best. Still, wasn't I a Radical Feminist Vegetarian
Activist a couple of years ago? Maybe my life's living
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The HeartThread Journal Page 13
proof that God likes practical jokes and long naps. Then
again, when the Dalai Lama was asked to summarize life in
one word, he said, "Change."
Change? But Life makes no cents!!!
..............................................
You can e-mail Keisa Kay at: clarkcyr@msn.com
* * * * * * * *
The Lion Sleeps Tonight
.........................
By Betty St. John
Spending the night at my Grandmother's was special.
Her bed was huge. When we'd wake, she'd make us coffee.
She would bring the cups into bed and we'd sip and watch
the sunrise, listening to the lions roar for their
breakfast at the zoo, just a few blocks away. And as I
sipped, I would plan my day at the zoo. Great white
hunters always planned their day over coffee in bed.
The Ft. Worth Zoo is one of the best zoos in the
country. Originally it was a WPA project, and the
beautiful craftsmanship of the rock walls and benches is
something you don't see anymore. As a child, my mother
could go to the zoo alone and be utterly safe. So could
I. I would walk over from Grandmother's house, arriving
early, and spend what seemed like eternity there, having
adventures, eating snow cones, and riding the rides. Yes!
There were RIDES! I would climb on the same carousel that
my mother rode as a child. It's a huge, affair with hand
painted horses, benches and all sorts of animals to sit
on. It had mirrors in the center, and it played old
fashioned, calliope music. There was a Tilt-O-Whirl too.
That was my favorite. I once dared myself to ride it ten
times in a row! There was an aquarium, and when it got
too hot, I'd go in and cool off in the air-conditioning.
Way back in a remote area of the park, there's a tree
with my mother's initials carved in the trunk. Once, when
I was nine, I carved my initials under hers. I showed it
to my children, and wished we didn't "know better." If we
didn't, then they could have carved their initials under
mine, and made a memory; carried on a tradition.
By the time my children were old enough to go to the
zoo, it had doubled in size. Children couldn't go there
alone to play "explorer," or "lost in the woods." It
wasn't safe. My children's memories of the zoo are of
school trips. Of being supervised and educated as they
wandered the beautiful park under the shade of hundred
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The HeartThread Journal Page 14
year old oaks, and rested on the same rock benches I hid
behind, hoping to bag a lion. They sat on the carousel I
rode with Gene Autrey as my side kick. Their teacher
stood by, shouting do's and don'ts. They rode on the
Tilt-O-Whirl I once dared to challenge. It had seatbelts,
and there was time for only one ride. My rides cost
fifteen cents. Their's cost a dollar. I think about my
memories of the zoo; of endless summer days playing
"Great White Hunter" till the sun set. And I think about
my children.
When we talk about rising crime, it's mostly in
terms of stolen property. If you ask me, "crime" has
stolen something much more precious. It has stolen our
children's chance to be carefree and imaginative and to
feel safe, alone. They get no opportunity to be brave,
fearless and independent. They're missing something
magic.
Today, when I go to the zoo, my heart quickens. I
become the Great White Hunter again, hiding in the
shadows, stalking a lion, ready for action.
I see adventure everywhere! I don't know what my
kids see...
.............................................
Betty St. John is a Southern writer
living in Baton Rouge, LA. She co-hosts
a story telling web site at mommydearest.com
Email: iseek2@popalex1.linknet.net
* * * * * * * *
Mozart or Rock? For these Mice it was a No-brainer
....................................................
by Lorraine Eaton
Your mom was right. Rock 'n' roll really does rot
your brain.
That's according to David Merrill, a 16 year old
Nansemond River High School student whose high school
science experiment supports what parents have been saying
for years: Hard rock taints the brain - well, at least
the brains of mice.
Using 72 male laboratory mice, a stopwatch, a 5-by
3-foot maze and the music of Mozart and Anthrax, David
worked with an Old Dominion University statistician to
establish that hard rock impedes learning.
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The HeartThread Journal Page 15
In the process, the rising junior captured top
honors in regional and state science fairs and earned
accolades from the Navy and CIA.
"Don't let kids listen to hard rock music," he said.
"I think it has a major negative effect."
To prove his point, David assembled three separate
groups of 24 mice: A control group, a hard rock group and
a classical group. To ensure scientific validity, each
white mouse weighed between 15 and 20 grams, was 4-6
weeks old and was bred to ensure that no genetic
abnormalities existed.
The mice spent the first week getting used to their
controlled environment in David's parents' basement. They
received measured feedings and 12 hours of light each
day. Each mouse navigated the maze to establish the base
time of about 10 minutes.
Then David started piping in music 10 hours a day.
The control group navigated without music. He put each
mouse through the maze three times week for three weeks.
The results: the control group shaved five minutes
from its original time.
The mice that navigated the maze with Mozart knocked
8 1/2 minutes off their time. But the group listening to
hard rock bumped through the maze, dazed and confused,
taking an average of 30 minutes, tripling the amount of
time it previously took to complete the maze. Most
noticeably, the hard rock mice didn't sniff the air to
find the trails of the others that went before them.
"It was like the music dulled their senses," David
said. "It shows point-blank that hard rock has a negative
effect all around. I can't think of a positive effect
that hard rock has on learning."
In fact, David thinks that the negative effects go
well beyond learning.
During the four month experiment David housed each
mouse in separate aquariums. That's because last year,
for a similar project, he kept all of the hard rock mice
together, all the classical mice together and all the
control mice together. The results were horrific. "I had
to cut my project short because all the hard rock mice
killed each other," David said. "None of the classical
mice did that."
David's awards include first place in the behavioral
science division at the Virginia State Science and
Engineering Fair and the Tidewater Science Fair. He also
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The HeartThread Journal Page 16
won Northern Virginia Community College's Veterinary
Technology award and accolades from the Newport News Arts
Commission, the Science and Humanitarian Symposium at
James Madison University, the Navy and the CIA.
David himself isn't a fan of hard rock, so his
discovery won't effect his lifestyle too much. But other
teens may feel the heat.
"At the actual fairs parents would see it and come
with their kids," David said. "They'd say, "See, I told
you hard rock would do that.'"
................................
Reprinted with permission from
the Virginian-Pilot, 07/24/1997
* * * * * * * *
Instructions for the Young Bride
on the Conduct and Procedure of the
Intimate and Personal Relationships of
the Marriage State for the Greater Spiritual Sanctity
of this Blessed Sacrament and the Glory of God
.......................................................
by Mrs. Ruth Smythers
[Editor's Note: Mrs. Smythers, a pastor's wife,
wrote this in 1894. Readers take note; we do NOT
recommend her advice, but have included it for both its
humorous and tragic elements. It's unfortunate that she
was unaware of the depth of love that can grow between
husband and wife, based on open and honest communication,
and physical affection. One wonders how much marriages
have suffered because of advice like her's.]
...........
To the sensitive young woman who has had the
benefits of proper upbringing, the wedding day is,
ironically, both the happiest and most terrifying day of
her life. On the positive side, there is the wedding
itself, in which the bride is the central attraction in a
beautiful and inspiring ceremony, symbolizing her triumph
in securing a male to provide for all her needs for the
rest of her life. On the negative side, there is the
wedding night, during which the bride must pay the piper,
so to speak, by facing for the first time the terrible
experience of sex.
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The HeartThread Journal Page 17
At this point, dear reader, let me concede one
shocking truth. Some young women actually anticipate the
wedding night ordeal with curiosity and pleasure! Beware
such an attitude! A selfish and sensual husband can
easily take advantage of such a bride. One cardinal rule
of marriage should never be forgotten: GIVE LITTLE, GIVE
SELDOM, AND ABOVE ALL, GIVE GRUDGINGLY. Otherwise what
could have been a proper marriage could become an orgy of
sexual lust.
On the other hand, the bride's terror need not be
extreme. While sex at best is revolting and at worse
rather painful, it has to be endured, and has been by
women since the beginning of time, and is compensated for
by the monogamous home and by the children produced
through it.
It is useless, in most cases for the bride to
prevail upon the groom to forego the sexual initiation.
While the ideal husband would be one who would approach
his bride only at her request and only for the purpose of
begetting offspring, such nobility and unselfishness
cannot be expected from the average man.
Most men, if not denied, would demand sex almost
every day. The wise bride will permit a maximum of two
brief sexual experiences weekly during the first months
of marriage. As time goes by she should make every effort
to reduce this frequency.
Feigned illness, sleepiness and headaches are among
the wife's best friends in this matter. Arguments,
nagging, scolding and bickering also prove effective, if
used in the late evening about an hour before the husband
would normally commence his seduction.
Clever wives are ever on the alert for new and
better methods of denying and discouraging the amorous
overtures of the husband. A good wife should expect to
have reduced sexual contacts to once a week by the end of
the first year of marriage and to once a month by the end
of the fifth year of marriage.
By their tenth anniversary many wives have managed
to complete their child bearing and have achieved the
ultimate goal of terminating all sexual contacts with the
husband. By this time she can depend upon his love for
the children and social pressures to hold the husband in
the home. Just as she should be ever alert to keep the
quantity of sex as low as possible, the wise bride will
pay equal attention to limiting the kind and degree of
sexual contacts. Most men are by nature rather perverted,
and if given half a chance, would engage in quite a
variety of the most revolting practices. These practices
include among others performing the normal act in
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The HeartThread Journal Page 18
abnormal positions; mouthing the female body; and
offering their own vile bodies to be mouthed in turn.
Nudity, talking about sex, reading stories about
sex, viewing photographs and drawings depicting or
suggesting sex are the obnoxious habits the male is
likely to acquire if permitted.
A wise bride will make it the goal never to allow
her husband to see her unclothed body, and never allow
him to display his unclothed body to her. Sex, when it
cannot be prevented, should be practiced only in total
darkness. Many women have found it useful to have thick
cotton nightgowns for themselves and pajamas for their
husbands. These should be donned in separate rooms. They
need not be removed during the sex act. Thus, a minimum
of flesh is exposed. Once the bride has donned her gown
and turned off all the lights, she should lie quietly
upon the bed and await her groom. When he comes groping
into the room she should make no sound to guide him in
her direction, lest he take this as a sign of
encouragement. She should let him grope in the dark.
there is always the hope that he will stumble and incur
some slight injury which she can use as an excuse to deny
him sexual access.
When he finds her, the wife should lie as still as
possible. Bodily motion on her part could be interpreted
as sexual excitement by the optimistic husband.
If he attempts to kiss her on the lips, she should
turn her head slightly so that the kiss falls harmlessly
on her cheek instead. If he attempts to kiss her hand,
she should make a fist. If he lifts her gown and attempts
to kiss her anyplace else she should quickly pull the
gown back in place, spring from the bed and announce that
nature calls her to the toilet. This will generally
dampen his desire to kiss in the forbidden territory.
If the husband attempts to seduce her with
lascivious talk, the wise wife will suddenly remember
some trivial non-sexual question to ask him. Once he
answers she should keep the conversation going, no matter
how frivolous it may seem at the time.
Eventually, the husband will learn that if he
insists on having sexual contact, he must get on with it
without amorous embellishment. The wise wife will allow
him to pull the gown up no farther than the waist and
only permit him to open the front of his pajamas to thus
make connection.
She will be absolutely silent or babble about her
housework while he is huffing and puffing away. Above
all, she will lie perfectly still and never under any
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The HeartThread Journal Page 19
circumstances grunt or groan while the act is in
progress. As soon as the husband has completed the act,
the wise wife will start nagging him about various minor
tasks she wishes him to perform on the morrow. Many men
obtain a major portion of their sexual satisfaction from
the peaceful exhaustion immediately after the act is
over. Thus the wife must insure that there is no peace in
this period for him to enjoy. Otherwise, he might be
encouraged to soon try for more.
One heartening factor for which the wife can be
grateful is the fact that the husband's home, school,
church and social environment have been working together
all through his life to instill in him a deep sense of
guilt in regards to his sexual feelings, so that he comes
to the marriage couch apologetically and filled with
shame, already cowed and subdued. The wise wife seizes
upon this advantage and relentlessly pursues her goal
first to limit, later to annihilate completely her
husband's desire for sexual expression.
...............................................
Mrs. Ruth Smythers was the wife
of The Reverend L.D. Smythers, Pastor of
the Arcadian Methodist Church of the
Eastern Regional Conference.
Published in 1894 by
Spiritual Guidance Press, NYC
* * * * * * * *
Okay, God!
By Jo Smith
As a divorced parent with four teenagers, there were
many nights that I sweat buckets wondering how to rob
Peter to pay Paul.
I made a list once, of everything that had broken or
died in just one month. There was: the refrigerator, the
heating element in the dryer, and the transmission in the
car. Lightening struck the fuse box and blew out the TV,
the electrical sockets on one wall, and the compressor in
the deep freeze. The only thing working seemed to be me.
Now don't get me wrong, there were miracle days. I once
had five bucks to my name with Christmas around the
corner, and in my stack of bills came a letter from the
mortgage company telling me, "You are $1,500.00 overpaid
in your escrow account." A check from heaven.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The HeartThread Journal Page 20
But one night as I tossed and turned, I prayed and
said out loud, "God, I know you don't give us more trials
than you think we can handle...but I'm really sick of all
this money business!"
Immediately, I heard a cracking noise...and all four
bed posts fell to the floor. My bed had just fallen
apart!
I sat up and shouted, "OK! all right! I promise! I
will stop griping!"
..........................................
Sylvia Jo Smith lives in Baton Rouge, LA.
She co-hosts a story telling web site at
mommydearest.com
* * * * * * * *
Who You Are Makes A Difference
................................
Author Unknown
A teacher in New York decided to honor each of her
seniors in high school by telling them the difference
they each made. Using a process developed by Helice
Bridges of Del Mar, California, she called each student
to the front of the class, one at a time. First she told
them how the student made a difference to her and the
class. Then she presented each of them with a blue ribbon
imprinted with gold letters which read, "Who I Am Makes a
Difference."
Afterwards the teacher decided to do a class project
to see what kind of impact recognition would have on a
community. She gave each of the students three more
ribbons and instructed them to go out and spread this
acknowledgment ceremony. Then they were to follow up on
the results, see who honored whom and report back to the
class in about a week.
One of the boys in the class went to a junior
executive in a nearby company and honored him for helping
him with his career planning. He gave him a blue ribbon
and put it on his shirt. Then he gave him two extra
ribbons, and said, "We're doing a class project on
recognition, and we'd like you to go out, find somebody
to honor, give them a blue ribbon, then give them the
extra blue ribbon so they can acknowledge a third person
to keep this acknowledgment ceremony going. Then please
report back to me and tell me what happened."
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The HeartThread Journal Page 21
Later that day the junior executive went in to see
his boss, who had been noted, by the way, as being kind
of a grouchy fellow. He sat his boss down and he told him
that he deeply admired him for being a creative genius.
The boss seemed very surprised. The junior executive
asked him if he would accept the gift of the blue ribbon
and would he give him permission to put it on him. His
surprised boss said, "Well, sure."
The junior executive took the blue ribbon and placed
it right on his boss's jacket above his heart. As he gave
him the last extra ribbon, he said, "Would you do me a
favor? Would you take this extra ribbon and pass it on by
honoring somebody else? The young boy who first gave me
the ribbons is doing a project in school and we want to
keep this recognition ceremony going and find out how it
affects people."
That night the boss came home to his 14-year-old son
and sat him down. He said, "The most incredible thing
happened to me today. I was in my office and one of the
junior executives came in and told me he admired me and
gave me a blue ribbon for being a creative genius.
Imagine. He thinks I'm a creative genius. Then he put
this blue ribbon that says 'Who I Am Makes A Difference'
on my jacket above my heart. He gave me an extra ribbon
and asked me to find somebody else to honor. As I was
driving home tonight, I started thinking about whom I
would honor with this ribbon and I thought about you. I
want to honor you."
"My days are really hectic and when I come home I
don't pay a lot of attention to you. Sometimes I scream
at you for not getting good enough grades in school and
for your bedroom being a mess, but somehow tonight, I
just wanted to sit here and, well, just let you know that
you do make a difference to me. Besides your mother, you
are the most important person in my life. You're a great
kid and I love you!"
The startled boy started to sob and sob, and he
couldn't stop crying. His whole body shook. He looked up
at his father and said through his tears, "I was planning
on committing suicide tomorrow, Dad, because I didn't
think you loved me. Now I don't need to."
...................................
We received this contribution via
e-mail. The author is unknown.
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The HeartThread Journal Page 22
The Movie Mom's Guide to
Family Movies and Videos
..........................
by Nell Minow
Reviews for parents of the best of current films and
old movies available on video and cable, by Nell Minow,
author, film critic, and mother. Reviews will be updated
each week with recommendations and replies to questions
about movies on special topics, suitability of particular
movies for children, and movie trivia--try to stump me!
I'd also love your suggestions for a new book on movies
for families. The best kids' comments I receive will be
published. The Movie Mom (TM)
For Kids
********
Flubber (1997)
..............
Rated PG for cartoon-style violence
and mild language, Recommended for 5 and up
This remake of one of Disney's most fondly
remembered films, "The Absent-Minded Professor" adds some
terrific special effects, but loses some of the sweetness
and heart of the original. As the titles suggest, the
star of this version is not the professor, but his
creation, the "flying rubber" that makes objects defy
gravity. And the presence of producer/co-screenwriter
John "Home Alone" Hughes means that the bad guys will get
banged on the head many, many times.
Robin Williams plays Philip Brainard. a professor at
a small, financially troubled college, engaged to the
dean, played by Marcia Gay Harden. Christopher MacDonald
plays a rival scientist from a nearby college who wants
both Brainard's discovery and his fiancee.
I saw the movie in a theater filled with kids who
laughed and applauded at the slapstick, but squirmed and
chatted during the quieter spots in between. Robin
Williams is very subdued as the professor so engaged in
his work that he forgets to show up for his wedding. His
best moment is in his lab, when he first sees flubber. He
does not let his excitement in his new discovery overcome
his job as a scientist in testing and analyzing the
properties of his substance.
Parents may want to discuss whether the use of
flubber to win a basketball game is cheating (the
professor dismisses this question by explaining that it
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The HeartThread Journal Page 23
is all right because the other team is so much better).
It is worth pointing out that Brainard has no interest in
getting rich -- he sells his discovery to an auto company
only to save the college. (Note that in the original, the
professor gave flubber to the U.S. government, an
indication of how times have changed.) Brainard has a
delightful and highly anthropomorphic floating robot
companion named Weebo, reminiscent of Tinkerbell. "Her"
sweet voice is provided by Jodi Benson (also the voice of
Ariel, the little mermaid) and her commentary is spiked
with a kaleidoscope of video clips. Weebo's jealousy of
Brainard's fiancee may need some explaining, and her
"death" may be upsetting for some children.
Fairy Tale: A True Story
.........................
(1997) Rated PG for brief mild language and brief
scenes of wounded soldiers, recommended for 7 and up
In 1917, two little English girls captured the
attention of the world when they took photographs of what
appeared to be fairies. As this movie makes clear, the
appeal of the girls' story was especially powerful in a
country devastated by the first World War. While the
charming special effects and appealing heroines will make
this movie enjoyable for younger children, it is truly a
more ambitious meditation on the nature of fantasy and
reality and on growing up, well worth using as a
springboard to discussion with middle schoolers and even
high schoolers. At one point, the movie cuts back and
forth between three scenes showing variations on the
theme: Houdini's escape act (illusion), a chess
tournament (logic), and a reporter's attempt to look
through the girls' house to find the truth about the
photos (reality and fantasy are combined, as he seems to
find the answer but then has an encounter of his own).
The fairies are (enchantingly) portrayed as real, and the
girls' belief absolutely genuine. Interestingly, though,
in the final scene, the younger girl finds a reality far
more important than any fairy tale.
In real life, two of the most legendary figures of
the day, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (creator of Sherlock
Holmes) and Houdini (the great magician and escape
artist) were on opposite sides. Ironically, the creator
of the world's most resolutely logical detective was a
fervent believer that the photos were authentic, and the
world's most famous illusionist was convinced that they
were faked. And in real life, long after Conan Doyle and
Houdini were gone, the girls confessed that they had
faked the photos.
In the movie, the fairies are real, and the special
effects are as enchanting as an Arthur Rackham
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The HeartThread Journal Page 24
illustration. Conan Doyle, played by Peter O'Toole, and
Houdini, played by Harvey Keitel both support the girls.
Conan Doyle, still struck by the loss of his son in the
war, needs badly to believe. Houdini, the master
illusionist, sees them as peers, not out for anything for
themselves, just adding joy and wonder to the world.
If you would like to look at the photos that started
all of this, try this link: Fairy Photos
...............................................
The Movie Mom's Guide is on the web at:
http://pages.prodigy.com/moviemom/moviemom.html
"Movie Mom" is a trademark of Nell Minow
All material (C) 1997 Nell Minow
Email: nminow@usa.net
* * * * * * * *
- HeartQuestions -
Questions & Reflections about
Marriage, Parenting, Family & Society
---------------------------------------
[Origin of the Wedding March;
Finding the Heart to Love Step-Children;
Winning a Daughter's Approval of a New Boyfriend]
by Peter F. Brown
DEAR PETER:
Where did the wedding March come from? Why is it
used? You kinda get tired of hearing "tum tum tum, etc."
We really need to know; it's driving us crazy.
Jessika Flores
DEAR JESSICA:
The wedding march that you're talking about is known
as the Wedding March Processional, or "Here Comes the
Bride." It was written by Wagner, as part of his opera,
"Lohengren." It was first used at a wedding during the
Civil War. The original manuscript can be viewed at the
Karpeles Manuscript Library. More information can be
found at their web site, at
www.rain.org/~karpeles/wedmchdis.html. The other famous
wedding march is the Wedding March Recessional, from
Felix Mendelssohn's "A Midsummer Night's Dream." This
manuscript is also kept at the above museum.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The HeartThread Journal Page 25
DEAR PETER:
I need help. I am torn between what I know is right
and what I feel. I have been married for nine months and
we have been having ongoing problems. My husband has been
married before which resulted in three, count them three,
children. He doesn't see them often but when he does he
expects me to be with him. To be honest, they mean
nothing to me. I do not wish to spend time with them at
all. It is not that I don't like them. I do. It is just
that my own time should be my own time. It is almost like
I am fighting with myself.
I know I shouldn't feel this way, but how do I stop
these feelings? I dread the thoughts of them [the
children] coming, especially for the night. How can I
overcome this? I just want them to disappear. Isn't that
awful? Help me. Help my marriage. Help !!!!! What can I
do to get rid of these feelings? I really love my husband
and most of the time our marriage is great. What can I
do??
Julie Mckinnon
DEAR JULIE:
I think that the burden that step-parents have to
overcome is far greater than the difficulties of physical
parents. It's very difficult to adequately love our own
children -- caring for children that are not ours is even
harder. Mothers have nine months to gain a heartistic
relationship with their soon-to-be-born babies -- a
gradual and mysterious process that often surprises them
in its intensity and results. Women who had no desire to
have children suddenly find themselves overwhelmed with
love for their new infants.
Step-mothers have no physical relationship with the
husband's children, and thus have to deal with the fact
that they may not feel very parental to the children.
There may also be complicated feelings toward the
children caused by the fact that their mother is the
husband's former wife -- who probably isn't on very good
terms with the step-mother.
You also didn't marry the children -- you married
your husband after falling in love with him. Having to
love his children is a new, and frankly, a sacrificial
burden that probably wasn't in your mind at all when you
met him. The question then, is how to develop the heart
that can love his children with a sense of genuine joy
and gratitude.
Parents often fail at this, even when the children
are their own. Step-parents really do have a hard job. I
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The HeartThread Journal Page 26
believe, though, that it is possible to develop the
ability to care for and love step-children, just as it's
possible to love any children.
The real issue is the quality of parental love that
we are able to feel and express. A person of parental
love is very much like a furnace. A furnace casts its
warmth on anyone within its range, because that's the
nature of furnaces. The heat springs forth from within
the furnace as a creative force. Everyone has the
capability to become a creative force of parental love.
Everyone has the ability to freely give to others, serve
others and love others. It's our nature to want to bring
joy to others, and to feel joy ourselves, by giving and
receiving love. That's the good news.
The bad news is that even furnaces have to be stoked
with fuel, and it's a sad fact that human beings
regularly run out of fuel when it comes to loving others.
When we're out of gas, we just can't seem to muster up
the strength of heart to express love to those who
require a "parental" heart.
How do we refuel ourselves? To me, this question can
only be answered by asking the 64 million dollar
question, "Where does love come from?" No one has seen
love, but it's still commonly regarded as the most
powerful force in the universe. I think that it's very
logical to say that love -- and most especially
unselfish, parental love -- comes from God. If so, a
practical method to use to re-stoke our internal furnace
of love and heart would be to simply pray that we can
love others more. If all of us, from any and every
religion, knelt down each day in repentance, and prayed
to love others more, serve others more, and give to
others more, families -- and the world, would be far more
peaceful and harmonious.
By the mere fact that you wrote such a heartfelt
letter, one can see that you, too, have the capacity to
give the beautiful part of your heart to your husband's
children. Your heart just needs to be encouraged a bit,
and watered. Prayer will do that.
DEAR PETER:
I have a 14 year old daughter and have been divorced
for 3 years. She is very UNACCEPTING of me dating and
going out. I have become seriously involved with a man
who she says she really likes. But, when he jokes around
with her, she gets very upset and says hateful things to
him and to me.
How and what can I do to explain (without getting in
a fight with her) that this is who I want the
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The HeartThread Journal Page 27
relationship to work out with? He is very understanding
and tells me not to worry, that it won't affect our
relationship, but I have my doubts. Thanks!
Liz H.
DEAR LIZ:
It may be that the type of joking he's doing with
your daughter makes her uncomfortable. One tact that you
can take is to work with him to see what he can do to win
her heart and help her to feel that he cares about her.
What are her hobbies? Perhaps he can participate with you
in helping her with her favorite activity. He may also
wish to give her a small gift once or twice.
You can also talk honestly with her about your new
boyfriend, and the whole issue of getting married. At
fourteen, she would feel honored to be trusted by you,
and be treated as an ally in the quest to establish a new
family. Ultimately, your love for her, and his love for
her, as her new step-dad, should win her over.
........................................................
Peter F. Brown is the author of the book,
"Striving for Parental Love" and lives in
Virginia Beach, VA with his wife Kim and their
four children, Tymon, Thea Grace, Ranin and Tadin
HeartQuestions is published as a column on
The HeartThread Resource Page at:
"http://futurerealm.com"
Email: peterbrown@futurerealm.com
* * * * * * * *
Princess Diana and Ponette
............................
by Kim Korman Brown
The weekend of August 31, I went to see the movie,
"Ponette", a French film about a four year old girl
coping with the death of her mother by car accident. The
performance of the little actress, Victoire Thivisol, was
vivid and profound. When she prayed to God that her
mother could come back, tears spilled as if we were
viewing the scene in reality. I wonder how they got this
little actress to pull up such deep and real emotion
without manipulating her in the tradition of 1940's
Hollywood movie making. A famous example of that is the
scene from "Meet Me in St. Louis" in which the child
actress Margaret O'Brien ran outside in tears, and
smashed the snowmen in her yard. Interviews with fellow
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The HeartThread Journal Page 28
cast members later revealed that the producers or
director had lied to her about the death of her dog, (or
something similar,) to evoke the desired intensity for
the scene.
Whatever techniques were used to guide the
performance of Victoire Thivisol, I was deeply moved. It
is pitiful to see a little child crying for the mother
that she will never see again in this life, and to know
there is nothing you can do to help her. That night I
thought and prayed about the situation of children all
over the world, who have had their parents taken from
them suddenly.
When I came home from seeing "Ponette", I gathered
my children around me and kissed and hugged them and
reassured them of my love for them. It made me pledge
anew to try to be a better parent.
I opened my newspaper the very next morning to read
the tragic headline that Diana, Princess of Wales, had
died in a car accident. The irony of the fact that I had
just been thinking of that topic the night before, and
had prayed for children thrown into such a situation,
made it all the more eerie. In the case of Ponette, her
father didn't believe in God, and accused her of being
crazy when she prayed for answers about her mother. With
Prince William and Prince Harry, I hope that their father
will be able to do more for them. In his own way, I think
Prince Charles truly cares, and I am sure that the whole
sad event is causing him to go through deep soul
searching.
Princess Diana once said that she knew she could
give love to people in need; for a minute, for a half
hour, for a day. I think that she believed that giving
love to others was the most valuable work she could do.
So many others in her position have not risen to such
dedication, when they were blessed with the same benefits
of money, status and good looks. It was the best legacy
she could give to Prince William and Prince Harry.
My prayer for Prince William and Prince Harry is
that they will pray and cling to God during this terrible
time in their young lives. As they grow to adulthood, I'm
sure they will think of her every day and will miss her
love profoundly. The testimony to her life is a world
that grieves her death and would not do so unless the
love she expressed was genuine. Because the world will
not forget her, those boys will always have her with them
until they are reunited one day in eternity. Hopefully,
they will pick up the torch and carry on her work. I'm
sure that if they do, it will make her smile down on them
all the more.
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The HeartThread Journal Page 29
Many people are thinking that it is more than a
coincidence that Princess Diana and Mother Teresa died in
the same week. As a friend of mine said, Mother Teresa
was a mother figure representing the religious world, and
the princess was a mother figure representing the secular
world. The world is grieving for both of them. Another
friend said that she imagined them holding hands in the
next life, and thought that their deaths underscored the
fact that God is still in charge of things.
I have been deeply saddened to hear some people say
that Princess Diana brought the disaster upon herself
with her adulterous lifestyle. They have stated that she
was divorced, that she should have been a better role
model, and that she wasn't setting the right example.
I think that she had flaws like all of us who are
imperfect, and that those flaws influenced her to make
decisions that she may have regretted later in life.
Still, I think that those mistakes are just details,
things that could have been repented for and gotten
beyond. There are many people who have never committed
adultery but have never served or loved anyone outside
their immediate circle.
In spite of the fact that prior to her wedding, she
discovered that her husband was involved with another
woman, she went ahead with the wedding. In spite of the
fact that she suffered from insecurity, eating disorders,
depression, and had attempted suicide, she maintained her
public life. She never felt truly accepted by the royal
family. The fact that she dealt with these things from
the age of 19 is doubly hard. Few among us could have
weathered what she went through without becoming
resentful, cynical or completely self-centered. Her
brother Charles, the Earl of Spencer, said that because
of her suffering she could understand the suffering of
others. She chose to rise above her trials and devote
herself to a public life of charity. That decision is to
her credit.
Wasn't it an adulterous woman who recognized Jesus'
value and poured expensive oil on his head, while the
disciples whispered their criticisms? Mother Teresa said
of Diana, "She was very concerned for the poor. She was
very anxious to do something for them. That is why she
was close to me."
If she was good enough for Mother Teresa, she was
good enough for me.
.......................................
Kim Korman Brown is a writer and a Mom,
living in Virginia Beach, Virginia
Email: kimbrown@futurerealm.com
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The HeartThread Journal Page 30
The HeartThread Resource Guide
- Resources for Couples, Parents & Families -
...............................................
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The HeartThread Journal Page 32