The HeartThread Journal - March, 1997 Issue
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* The HeartThread Journal *
- The Journal of
Marriage,
Parenting,
Family & Society -
----------------------------------
Vol. 2, No. 1
March 15, 1997
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Published by FutureRealm Productions
* The HeartThread Journal *
- The Journal of Marriage, Parenting, Family & Society -
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Vol. 2, No. 1 March 15, 1997
"To promote and encourage the 'thread' of unselfish heart and love
that invisibly connects husbands and wives, parents and children,
and brothers and sisters."
------------------------------
From the Editor
...............
It's spring in Virginia Beach, and Kim and I, with
Tymon, Gracie, Ranin and Tadin, are happily enjoying 82
degree weather at the beach. Followed by 40 degree
weather, huddled in our house. That's Virginia Beach!
This issue of the HTJ should have arrived in your
email boxes on January 15th -- but....
Ah, me, oh my. In between building a burgeoning web
site and design business (The World Community Network, at
http://worldcommunity.com) and doing non-profit work, and
this and that, as the saying goes, I yearn for the day
when I can just sit down and write -- and publish.
My idea of a vacation is sitting on a tropical beach
with a laptop, writing. Someday, I'll be there.
Until then, I will do my best to publish this little
labor of love as often as I can. It may come out monthly,
every two months, or even quarterly, as it did this
quarter. I WANT it to appear monthly. We'll see. :-)
I'm ALWAYS looking for articles and columns -- so
please email me as often as you like, with your
submissions. We have almost 400 subscribers now, with
more readers every month. I encourage you to send us your
comments or suggestions at any time. And don't forget to
tell your friends that they can subscribe with a simple
email.
Have a wonderful spring!
Peter F. Brown
Editor & Publisher
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The HeartThread Journal Page 1
TABLE OF CONTENTS
* From the Editor, Peter F. Brown ......................1
* Brother and Sister, by Lewis Carroll .................5
* Making Peace With Children:
Helping Them Find Their Connection,
by Sharon Goodman ....................................6
* Ex-Foster Child Urges Reform of System,
by Cheryl Wetzstein .................................11
* Celebrating New Life, Honoring Old,
by Betsy Mathews Wright .............................13
* Queen of the Angels, Queen of Saints,
by Ann Marie Hancock ................................16
* The Movie Mom's Guide to Movies
and Videos for Families, by Nell Minow ..............21
(Review of "The Preacher's Wife",
"Ghosts of Mississippi")
* HeartQuestions / Questions & Reflections
about Marriage, Parenting, Family & Society
"Commitment as a Husband and a Father",
by Peter F. Brown ...................................23
* Maybe I Should Take A Coif Drop,
by Kim Korman Brown .................................25
* The HeartThread Resource Guide:
Resources for Couples, Parents & Families ...........27
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The HeartThread Journal Page 2
The HeartThread Journal
is published by FutureRealm Productions
Publisher and Editor - Peter F. Brown
Co-Publisher - Kim Korman Brown
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Visit our web page, "The HeartThread Resource Page", at:
"http://futurerealm.com"
or our other site at "http://worldcommunity.com"
or email us at: "peterbrown@futurerealm.com"
or: "kimbrown@futurerealm.com"
You can mail us at:
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or you can call us at: (757) 468-6848
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WRITERS ARE ALWAYS NEEDED
*************************
If you want to write for The HeartThread Journal,
we will be happy to review your article, column or story.
Please review our "Writers Guidelines" on our web page,
and email us your proposal or actual work.
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The HeartThread Journal Page 3
ADVERTISING INFORMATION
***********************
Advertising products or services of value or interest
to parents, couples or families is encouraged.
Brief textual advertisements will appear in the
"HeartThread Resource Guide" at the end of this journal.
For a limited time, advertisements will be FREE.
When this special advertising promotion ends,
advertising rates will be published.
FREE ADVERTISING FOR AUTHORS
****************************
All authors receive FREE advertising space in
the issue that their article or column appears.
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COPYRIGHT INFORMATION
*********************
All materials contained herein are
(C) Copyright 1996 by FutureRealm Productions
except for individual articles and columns,
which are Copyrighted by their respective authors.
Individual authors retain all rights to their articles,
unless otherwise specified.
All Rights Reserved Worldwide.
No part of this journal may be used or reproduced
in any manner whatsoever without
written permission from the publisher,
or the individual authors
(in the case of their articles or columns),
except in cases of brief quotations
embodied in articles and reviews.
Opinions expressed by writers in The HeartThread Journal
are not necessarily those of FutureRealm Productions.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
*********************
Readers wishing to submit a letter should email it to:
"peterbrown@futurerealm.com"
or send it by regular mail to the above address.
Letters may be edited for grammar or length.
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The HeartThread Journal Page 4
Brother and Sister
....................
excerpted from
"Useful and Instructive Poetry"
1845
by Lewis Carroll
"Sister, sister, go to bed!
Go and rest your weary head."
Thus the prudent brother said.
"Do you want a battered hide,
Or scratches to your face applied?"
Thus his sister calm replied.
"Sister, do not raise my wrath.
I'd make you into mutton broth
As easily as kill a moth!"
The sister raised her beaming eye
And looked on him indignantly
And sternly answered, "Only try!"
Off to the cook he quickly ran.
"Dear Cook, please lend a frying-pan
To me as quickly as you can."
"And wherefore should I lend it you?"
"The reason, Cook, is plain to view.
I wish to make an Irish stew."
"What meat is in that stew to go?"
"My sister'll be the contents!"
"Oh!"
Moral: Never stew your sister.
...............................................
Lewis Carroll, (Rev. Charles Lutwidge Dodgson)
wrote, as we all know, "Alice in Wonderland"
Email: afterlife email not yet
available, perhaps next year.
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Making Peace With Children:
Helping Them Find Their Connection
....................................
by Sharon Goodman
Through my diary of school stories, I offer you my
victories, my humiliating mistakes, and rewards of my
mistakes. In no way do I have the ultimate correct way.
We are simply traveling, investigating, pioneering the
path of the heart.
Brandt's Story
**************
A new student, Brandt, was an angry five year old.
He often acted out with much aggression, and it was a
challenge to know how to handle his tantrums. He was so
strong about what he wanted.
The water table was his favorite place to be. But
one day when he eagerly approached it, he saw that little
Simon was using the very thing he wanted. He wanted it,
and he wanted it immediately. He didn't know how to wait.
He didn't know how to ask. He just began to yell. When he
got no response, he hit Simon over the head. Fortunately,
Simon was more shocked than hurt. But this situation
could not be ignored.
I began to talk to Brandt about his "mistake," but
he hated hearing about having to do things differently.
He was enraged and refused to listen. Very quickly he
became violent. He acted as if no one had ever confronted
him before.
I took him to another room and calmly, but firmly,
explained the situation to him. "You must stay in here
for now," I said. "But we would love to have you join us
again when you are in control of yourself." I left.
His screaming continued for at least 20 minutes. I
basically ignored him, but every now and then I walked
through the room. For my benefit, his screams only became
wilder.
I went back to the classroom and apologized to the
other children. "I'm sorry it is so noisy in here, but he
is just having a tantrum. I hope he'll get over it soon
so we can all be together again. When he comes back,
please be sure to let him know you're glad he's back."
Just then Brandt began to yell, "I'm gonna tell my
mom! I'm gonna tell my Grandma! I wanna go home -- now!"
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The HeartThread Journal Page 6
As the teacher, I momentarily felt fear. "If he
tells his mom, what might she think?" I wondered. But I
brushed it aside. If I really cared about the future of
this kid, I had go the distance. So I said, "Brandt, here
are the choices. You can calm yourself and join us in the
other room, or you can stay in here by yourself having a
temper tantrum, which isn't a good choice for a wonderful
boy like you."
His screaming stopped momentarily as he took another
breath. I seized the moment. "Great," I said. "You
stopped." I quickly took him by the hand and brought him
to the classroom where everyone was busy with art
projects.
The children stopped what they were doing. "Hi,
Brandt, glad you're back," said three year old Joshua.
Brandt folded his arms stubbornly as if to say, "I'm
here, but I'm not going to play."
I approached him, but it was obvious he was going to
object. Then, four year old Clairin came to the rescue.
She said, "Brandt, the teacher is only trying to help you
grow." That's what I tell them a lot.
"Yeah," said three year old Korie. "We want you to
play with us."
With hands still crossed, Brandt announced, "I'm
just going to stand here. I'm not going to play."
"That's fine, Brandt," I said. "That's your choice.
You may just stand there if you want to. I'm just sorry
you'll miss the fun." I walked away and busied myself
with the other children.
Then, Simon at the water table invited him over. "Do
you want one of the animals for the water table?" I
pretended not to notice. Brandt looked around the room
and noticed the others were going about their business.
"Okay, I decided to play," he said softly.
Comment:
********
The other children were clear about the standard
which they had been taught; therefore their hearts could
be open toward him. They could operate freely with their
original minds showing. Compassionate understanding and
forgiveness, the heart of "wanting to be together", won.
Belonging was regained.
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Kristin's Story
***************
Kristin was an artistic four year old child. She
worked, quiet and absorbed, usually choosing the art room
during her free times. Her good friend was Clairin,
different in personality. Clairin loved to perform, sing
and dance. Most often you'd find her in the music area.
Then one day a terrible outbreak occurred. I heard
wailing from the two girls. Clairin was holding her head
saying that Kristin had hit her over the head. I saw
Kristin hiding in a corner sobbing.
It would be easy at this point to simply call
Kristin the offender, make judgment, and call a time out.
Instead I saw this as a "broken" moment in their
relationship. Both girls were victims, both girls' hearts
were suffering. So both were called. Kristin came from
her "hiding corner" very angry. Clairin, still in tears,
couldn't understand why she had been hit.
I had remembered seeing Kristin working on a very
ornate, paper necklace for most of her time in the art
room. I noticed it was ripped apart and on the floor. I
learned that Kristin came to the music room to show
Clairin her new necklace. Clairin, involved in her
whirling and twirling, caught her hand in it and ripped
it from Kristin's neck. Kristin, not knowing what else to
do, hit Clairin over the head. Both were miserable.
I called them together and explained that both their
hearts were hurting now. I explained what had happened.
(Sometimes you can ask one child to explain to the other
child what happened that they didn't like. In this
circumstance, I was the spokesman for both because they
were both so upset.)
I helped Clairin understand the heart of Kristin who
had worked so hard all morning to make the necklace, and
how in one second it was broken. I helped Kristin to
understand that she hurt her friend's head by hitting her
because she didn't know what else to do, but even more
so, she hurt her friend's heart.
Their little original minds [consciences] took over
and they hugged each other -- their heart connection
regained. Together they ran for the tape. As we were
taping it, I explained that their friendship was even
more valuable than the beautiful, paper necklace. At the
end of the day I noticed that Clairin wore a very
beautiful taped necklace home. Kristin had given it to
her.
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Christine's Story
*****************
It was Christine's first day of school. I had
observed her before to be a bright, strong-willed, four
year old girl. As she entered the school door, I prepared
to give her our customary handshake greeting. "Good
morning, Christine. We've been waiting to see you. Come
on in!" But she looked at me unconvinced, withdrew her
hand and threw it behind her back.
Several thoughts flooded my brain. 1. She's shy so
I'd better not push it until she knows me better. 2. I
came on too strong; I'll back off. 3. She's stubborn and
wants things on her terms.
I judged by the look on her face, (jaw set like a
muppet character!), and chose '3'.
So I took the risk. "Christine," I said, very slowly
reaching around her back to take her hand, "I know that
you are a very friendly person but if you pull your hand
behind your back like that, it would be an UNFRIENDLY
thing to do. So, good morning, friend," I said, as I held
her hand gently between my two hands. Christine remained
skeptical. Her face didn't change, (still a straight-
mouthed, muppet face) but she walked slowly into the
school room thinking about what had just happened to her.
I knew that there would be another confrontation sometime
down the road.
To my surprise it came only minutes later as the
group gathered for a music lesson. The two, three, and
four year olds all knew the standard preparations for the
teacher's arrival. They were to sit in the circle, cross
their legs Indian style so as not to disturb anyone, and
be quiet. Christine came to the circle but wasn't about
to conform to any rules just yet. She sat down but stuck
her feet out as far as they could point. The students
were compassionate and kind. "Christine, here's how
you're supposed to cross your legs for the lesson."
Christine remained the same, not about to change; feet
still sticking out straight as a rod. Meanwhile all the
children became more eager to show her how to do it and I
pretended not to notice. I arrived from around the corner
quickly. "Okay, everybody, let's begin. But --"
(pretending to see Christine's legs for the first time)
"Uh oh, Christine. Maybe you didn't know but when you
prepare for the teacher, always cross your legs. That
way, your legs won't disturb anyone around you and you
can concentrate better."
I thought if I first tried to fix the situation in a
light, easy way, I could avoid a tug of will. But she was
clearly engaged for battle -- mouth and all -- and
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The HeartThread Journal Page 9
refused to change. If I chose to ignore this now I would
have a problem. Ten little eyes carefully watched to see
what I was going to do about this. If I did nothing, I
would disappoint them. I could also be in big trouble
because it would mean that what I say has no meaning, and
then all the other rules would be fair game. So I
thought, "I've GOT to do SOMETHING!" I slowly took both
her hands again. (That had worked before and had just the
right drama for the effect. So I tried it again.) I led
Christine just far enough around the corner to be unseen.
Everybody was absolutely silent wondering what was about
to happen.
I sat down eye level to Christine and held both her
hands in mine. I said, "Christine, I'm going to tell you
something really important. Your body and your face are
saying no to me and I don't want you to say no to me, as
your teacher, and I also don't want you saying no to your
mom and dad. And now I'm going to tell you why. We love
you and we are trying to help you grow. And when you say
no, you are saying no to growing and that would be very
sad. We love you too much for you not to grow up into a
beautiful person. Now, Christine, I'm going to stay here
for a few minutes and I want you to go out to the circle,
sit down, and do the right thing." She left and after a
short pause, I went out to see what she had chosen to do.
(I was already thinking about what might be a good
natural consequence if she chose to say no.) But I
arrived to find her legs neatly crossed. To my bigger
surprise, she had a big smile on her face! No words
needed to be exchanged. The lesson promptly began.
Everyone was happy. But the best part came later when her
mother called that night to tell me that Christine had
decided what she wanted to be when she grew up -- a
teacher!
Not all scenarios work out so swiftly or completely.
Throughout this particular day I felt I was taking a
risk. Perhaps I could have read the situation wrong. I'm
always looking for clues from within the child that tell
me if I am right or wrong. But I work on three premises:
1. God is my partner and will help me. 2. If I make a
mistake, but it's out of the right heart, I can always
apologize to the child. 3. If I can convince the child
that I live to help them grow -- then I am met with
little resistance as they become self-motivated to do the
right thing. These three elements are constant guidelines
for both parents and teachers. They can take us all
gladly along the path of mutual heart growth with our
children.
....................................................
Mrs. Goodman is the director and primary teacher of
Happy Hearts Day School in Avondale, Pennsylvania.
Email her care/of kimbrown@futurerealm.com
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The HeartThread Journal Page 10
Ex-Foster Child Urges Reform of System
........................................
by Cheryl Wetztein
She doesn't know her age, where she came from or who
her parents were. Friends guess that she's Chinese,
Latina, Polish, Norwegian, Hawaiian or Korean.
But Connie Craig, a former foster child and
co-founder of an organization dedicated to reforming the
foster-care system, takes such memory holes in stride.
"Not having those types of reference points makes me
realize they are nowhere near as important as knowing
that someone loves you and that there's a family that
will always be there for you," says Miss Craig, who was
adopted by her California family when she was around
eight years old.
Miss Craig recently came to Washington to receive
the first annual $25,000 Salvatori Prize for American
Citizenship from the Heritage Foundation. The prize was
donated to the group she founded in 1993, the Institute
for Children in Cambridge, Massachusetts.
The institute's goal is to see widespread reform of
the $14 billion-a-year, foster-care system and the
adoption of all 50,000 foster care children who are now
free for adoption.
More than anything, children want to have
"stability, a family that will last longer than a few
months, a last name," Miss Craig said in a widely
reprinted article she wrote last summer, titled "What I
Need Is a Mom."
Child-welfare experts estimate that there are about
500,000 children in the foster-care system.
About 50,000 children have been legally freed for
adoption, but most have "special needs" - they are school
age, part of a sibling group that must be adopted
together, a racial or ethnic minority, or have physical,
emotional or developmental problems.
Few families want to adopt such children, the
experts say. According to the National Council for
Adoption, about 15,000 of the 50,000 adoptions each year
involve "special needs" children.
Miss Craig, whose foster family has cared for 110
foster children in the last 40 years and who has adopted
or assumed guardianship for nine of those children,
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The HeartThread Journal Page 11
insists that there are no "unadoptable children" and that
the system actually works to discourage families from
adopting these children.
"Unadoptable, in essence, means unlovable and that's
just not true," says Miss Craig, noting that private
adoption agencies have for years found families for all
types of children and there are people waiting to adopt
children with Down Syndrome, AIDS and other "special
needs."
The foster-care system's bigger problems are the way
its funds are spent and its inherent bias against
adoption, especially transracial adoption, she says.
Currently, more than $14 billion a year goes to
foster parents, state child-welfare agencies and a vast
array of service providers, including "family
preservation" programs that work to keep troubled
families intact.
Despite these efforts, the foster care system is
grossly overburdened - overworked, underpaid, demoralized
social workers are forced to make Solomon-like decisions
without proper education or training, child-welfare
experts say. As a result, scandalous mistakes are made
and almost half the country's foster care systems are
under court supervision.
Miss Craig, a Harvard graduate, argues that states
should redirect their resources to move children out of
foster care and into permanent homes by:
- Giving biological parents no more than one year to
prove their fitness to have custody of their children or
lose parental rights.
- Requiring putative fathers to formalize paternity
within 30 days or lose their right to contest a child's
adoption.
- Requiring foster parents to meet adoptive-parent
standards so they can adopt a child if they wish. "No
more foster parents on welfare", Miss Craig asserts.
Once a child is legally free for adoption, the state
should be given 30 days to find a family for that child.
If the state can't find a family, the child's case should
be contracted out to a private agency that is financially
motivated to find an adoptive family.
Michigan tried such a plan and increased the
adoption of black children by 121 percent, Miss Craig
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The HeartThread Journal Page 12
says. In Massachusetts, foster-child adoptions increased
by 47 percent after state agencies stepped up recruitment
efforts.
Congress is helping by passing a bill allowing a
$5,000 tax credit for adoption expenses and easing
barriers to transracial adoptions.
But in the end, Miss Craig says, the bottom line is
what a 10 year old foster-care boy once told her: "What I
need is a Mom."
.......................................
Reprinted by permission from
The Washington Times (5-28-96)
Cheryl Wetzstein is a reporter for the
Washington Times, in Washington, DC
Email: dwetzstein@aol.com
* * * * * * * *
Celebrating New Life, Honoring Old
....................................
by Betsy Mathews Wright
Today I hold a new life in my arms, giving thanks to
the Lord for providing this miracle.
I love being a midlife mommy! While I certainly
thanked God and rejoiced when my two teen-agers were born
years ago, I know for sure that I didn't have a clue then
as to what this mommy gig was all about.
Now, having been through the trials and tribulations
of parenthood for 16 years, I know what I'm getting into.
I know it will not be easy. I know I will not always like
the child I now hold. (Love this child: always. Like this
child: not always.) I know how much patience, money and
sheer hard work it's going to take to raise this kid.
I also know all the joy this endeavor called
parenthood will bring. And because I know this is my last
time around the parenting block, I find myself seeing
things with different eyes. When you're young, you think
you've got all the time in the world and that you'll see
everything more than once.
By the time you reach midlife, you realize that most
of the precious, really good things are rare,
one-of-a-kind treats.
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The HeartThread Journal Page 13
These are the jewels of my current days: Watching
Jordannah marvel at a butterfly. Smelling the top of my
newborn's head. Listening to the laughter of my teen-age
children as they drive off to school together.
Money purchased none of these delights. They were
provided by God and love. I appreciate that now more than
ever.
Did I come to such a place on my own? No, I've been
brought to this place by God, by my parents, by my family
and friends.
Looking back, however, I realize that one of the
most influential persons in my life is the woman my
husband calls The Queen Bee. It is this woman who first
taught my mother, who then taught me, about the true
treasures of life.
This woman is my grandma, Mama Charles.
Married at 15, Mama Charles had my mother, her
firstborn, when she was just 17 years old. Three more
children and 17 years later, the love of her life, her
husband Henry Elliott, died in a tragic shooting
accident.
"I thought I was puny before Henry died," said my
grandma recently. "I guess I just didn't know then how
much strength the Lord could give me."
A widow at 34, Mama Charles went to work to support
her brood of four. A few years later she remarried, but
the fellow had severe troubles and divorce became the
only way my grandma could escape the abuse.
At 42, with two strong-willed teen-agers at home and
a rocky marriage, the unthinkable happened to my grandma.
She discovered she was pregnant. At the time, it seemed
like the worst thing in the world. My grandma's faith -
always strong - faltered.
"That was the only time in my life that I felt that
the Lord had turned his back on me," she said. "and yet
he was really working a miracle in my life and I just
didn't know it."
With all her strength, my grandma turned once more
to God and prayed through her crisis. She even went to
the altar of her church, rededicating her life to Jesus.
She asked God to forgive her for originally not wanting
the child and prayed God would bless the child and give
her the strength to raise the child.
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The HeartThread Journal Page 14
God did just that and in the process, Mama Charles
got the miracle of her lifetime. At 42, she became a
midlife mommy to Widdie, a beautiful brown-eyed boy.
Widdie has been a blessing to my grandma since the moment
of his birth. Now grown to manhood, he's the child my
grandma says, "never gave me a minute's worry."
Today, he and his wife and two daughters live and
work near my grandma. Widdie - my grandma's miracle -
continues to bring joy to his family and friends with his
kind ways and his wry sense of humor.
When I had Jordannah 18 months ago, Mama Charles
called to congratulate me.
"I only pray," she said, "that this child brings you
as much pleasure and happiness that Widdie has brought
me."
Like Mama Charles, I cherish my older children, the
children of my youth. And like Mama Charles, I have no
favorites. I could never love Jordannah or this new baby
any more than I love Luke and Caroline.
It's just that being a midlife mommy has made me
more aware of that love. It has made me more awestruck by
God's gift to each of us: individuality. Having Jordannah
and Jonathan hasn't diminished my love for Luke and
Caroline. It has only enriched that love.
Today, I thank my grandma - Katherine Whitehurst
Charles - for helping me grow both emotionally and
spiritually. Often when I've felt the Lord had turned his
back on me, I've looked to Mama Charles' life and found
the strength to seek God just one more time.
"When I look back and see all I've been through,"
said my grandma recently,"I still think God has been
something wonderful to me...I guess I've said it a
million times: It's a great life if you don't weaken."
With God by her side, my grandma has kept her faith
strong.
Thank you, Mama Charles, for letting God's strength
shine through you.
........................................
Reprinted by permission from
Ms. Wright's column, "Issues of Faith",
The Virginian-Pilot, November 9, 1996
* * * * * * * *
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The HeartThread Journal Page 15
Queen of the Angels
Queen of Saints
.....................
by Ann Marie Hancock
It was hard for me to comprehend that angel voices
come from within where love is cherished above all else
and where we do not think. I have been a former debater
and hard nose reporter for twenty-five years. I have been
on the cover of magazines with the caption, "The Lady
Packs a Punch."
I had always thought, "Truth existed in a far away
place." I now know that God hid all the secrets inside us
because He knew it was the last place we would look. I
also realize that truth is not dogma that the mind can
comprehend when the heart strays from its home.
My spiritual journey has taken me to many places. I
have been to the pyramids in Cairo, Egypt and to the
Coptic Church where the Blessed Mother Mary appeared to
thousands of Muslims. I have climbed Machu Picchu. I
spent three weeks studying the Mayan ruins on the Yucatan
Peninsula and took an extended journey into the jungles
of Bonapek.
I found that special place inside me in a remote
Communist village in Medjugorje, Yugoslavia in 1982. The
Blessed Mother had been appearing to six children in a
small village of 400 families comprised of Croatians,
Moslems, Jews, Montenegrans and Macedonians. I thought
even then that if Our Lord could create a small oasis of
peace there that it could be done anywhere. I was amazed
to see that people open their homes seven days a week to
people from all over the world. They never complain, and
their faces register great joy. These same people don't
even lock their doors, and the village has been described
as impoverished . . . yet they had found clouds of love
wrapped around a mountain called Krizevak. I had watched
a terminally ill child carried up the rocky cliffs. She
was carried by a Dutchman, Frenchman, an Italian, and
there was no language barrier. The universal language was
love, and it needed no interpreter.
I was privileged to go into the room of apparitions
while the Blessed Mother was appearing to these (then)
six children. I experienced pink lights in my rosary
beads. I heard Mary's voice. My rosary beads turned from
a silver color to a gold color. I saw the cross spin at
Krizevak and I was witness to the miracle of the sun.
What remains as an indelible mark on my soul is seeing
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The HeartThread Journal Page 16
people from all over the world come together in love and
prayer. There was no social, political or religious
labeling.
The beautiful Queen of the Angels. . . the one I
call the Blessed Virgin Mary was beaming silent truth,
love and hope into the depths of each heart. Heaven spoke
to me through her and through all the people there. I was
consoled, rejuvenated and brought to my knees with
emotion and love.
I wanted to bring it home . . . take it everywhere
... to everyone. I wanted each to experience that slice
of paradise that reverberates in love within each of us.
I was the first lay person to write about
Medjugorje. I wanted a book that belonged to everyone.
Catholic comes from the Greek meaning "universal." We are
all God's children. There are no exceptions. Our Lady has
said at Medjugorje, "God didn't divide you; you divided
yourselves." I know this as truth.
I returned home to Richmond, Virginia with a full
heart. On the third day home, I was awakened in the night
by a beautiful Lady. She was standing at the foot of my
bed. She was the Blessed Mother Mary. She didn't speak a
word, but the love that I felt and the sense of things to
come was incomprehensible. I was totally enveloped in
silent truth, totally caressed to the depths of my soul.
I wrote "Be a Light, Miracles at Medjugorje." The
book poured through me. I thought it would be my last.
Once we walk through the window of Love, our work just
begins. It has been an unending journey which has taken
me to network television and the taping of NBC's "Other
Side", "Rolanda", "The Bertrice Berry Show" and "Ancient
Prophecy," "Inside Edition" and others. Jesus in His Love
and Mercy is using the communication skills for Him and
His Mother. His master plan for me continues to unfold
like an intricately woven tapestry. Our Lady continues to
whisper in my ear, reinforcing me and my mission for Her
Son. "Take My Love. Love is on their lips. Take it to
their hearts."
I continue to be humbled by the magnitude of Their
love. It was on the Feast of the Immaculate Conception,
December 8th, in Conyers, Georgia that I knew I was to
write again. I was praying with several people of mixed
faiths. It had been sleeting in the morning. The sky
suddenly turned golden. I turned golden.. my hair, my
eyelashes, the people around me.. everything was gold. A
blind couple witnessed this. A large heart formed in the
sky, and there a figure of a woman started to form. I
took three pictures. The Blessed Mother Mary came out on
my film. I wept like a child. What did it mean? I smelled
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The HeartThread Journal Page 17
a strong floral scent of roses which has remained with me
for two years. It remains in my home.
Signs and wonders have their place. They get one's
attention and then with the grace of God, these signs
take us into the depths of our hearts to re-examine and
re-evaluate one's direction. The unlimited potential of
Heaven caused me to shake and wonder; what is it all
about? What am I to do? The visionary, Nancy Fowler, in
Georgia had seen gold light pouring from my heart. What
did it mean? The old debater in me was trying once again
to figure it all out. I was pathetic!
My heart had its answer in one mystical effortless
moment on February 14, 1992. I'd returned from Georgia
where Mother Mary was appearing as "Our Loving Mother."
My home was filled with the scent of roses . . . inside
and out. I ran through the house trying once again to
"figure it out." My family joined me in this effort. The
Blessed Mother must have been silently smiling, maybe
giggling at all of us.
It was later that night that she appeared to me for
the second time. It was different. She showed me a book
... a title ... a cover. It was as if I were watching a
movie. The book is "Wake Up America, Take My Hand. Take
My Heart." Our Lady is on the cover. The proceeds go to
my love and Hers ... terminally ill children. It made
sense. What does our precious Lord say, but "Suffer the
little ones unto me." Unless you be like children you
shall not enter into the kingdom.
Of course! Children are the honest, open, recept-
acles of love. Mary brings to Jesus and Jesus loves all
His children.
However, my own special love has always been
children, particularly sick children. Tom, my husband of
twenty-six years, and I lost a little girl to a lung
disease many years ago. Three years ago we were in danger
of losing our oldest, Cori, to another physical disorder.
I was told after Cori was born not to attempt having any
more children since I had several challenging health
problems.
After losing our precious Stacy, I became pregnant
in 1975. I was three months pregnant when I knew "Faith"
would be a she. She is now a beautiful, loving, healthy
girl at the University of South Carolina. She too loves
and works with children.
God has blessed Tom and me with three healthy
wonderful offspring. I had spent several months in bed
with each pregnancy. Jesus rewarded my belief in Him and
commitment to His children.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The HeartThread Journal Page 18
I wrote "Wake Up America" for our Lady. She sent me
bouquets of roses each day I wrote for Her and Her Son.
It is and remains Her book. I am blessed, graced and
privileged to work in Her service for Her Son. Remember,
Our Loving Mother brings everyone to Jesus, not to
Herself. She is the Mother, the Universal Mother to all
of us. As a Catholic, I do not worship or adore Mary. I
love her with my heart and soul as the Mother of the
Savior. She is the warm, nurturing, compassionate heart
of every home. Who could Jesus love more than that "woman
bathed in the sun" (Revelations) who walked the sorrowful
passion with him?
I referenced earlier that my husband and I almost
lost another child two years ago. I was at that time
traveling the world teaching love and faith. I know, as
never before, that we teach best what we need to learn
most. . . love and faith.
I was almost in a state of total despair at this
crisis in my own home. I had lost one child. Why would
our Lord take another from me? I was back in my
left-brain "figure it out" mode and suffering beyond my
own comprehension.
I was at the lowest point when Our Lady appeared to
me a third time. She was holding a child, but the child
was not Jesus, but Cori. In an instant I knew the
obvious. "Without faith we are alone." I knew as never
before, that when we give ourselves or our children, or
our problems, to Jesus and His loving Mother that they
accept them with love. I knew in one precious moment that
every prayer is heard, not one prayer goes unanswered!
When I gave Cori to Jesus and to Mary, They were holding
her in Their arms. I knew then that Their love and mercy
is unfathomable. Not even the best of human relationships
can shadow their love.
Just when I thought the Lord and His sweet Mom were
finished with me, I was brought to my knees with another
experience. On May 15, 1993, there was a large burst of
light in a room in Georgia and the visionary, Nancy
Fowler, said, "Jesus is giving you an extraordinary gift
of healing." My body was on fire. Two days later I was
asked to pray with a little boy, who was my son's age.
Danny was ten years old and had experienced multiple
strokes. The day after I prayed with him, he was at
Shoney's Restaurant blowing up a green balloon. That
summer he was able to attend camp for the first time with
children his own age. Jesus is so awesome!
One week went by and a thirty-year-old psychologist
presented herself at my home. Robin Hickey had multiple
sclerosis and cerebral palsy. She has been healed of
these diseases and she has grown an inch. You may have
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The HeartThread Journal Page 19
seen her on network television sharing her experience.
Another woman, Pat Luth of Lynchburg, Virginia was healed
of hepatitis C. Several have been healed of cancer.
I can't explain the extraordinary heat in my body. I
don't try. I know that I am just a broom for Jesus. My
prayer is that when He is finished with me, He will
lovingly put me back in the closet. My prayer is that He
keep me humble for Him.
I now have an office at Mary Mother of the Church
Abbey, in Richmond, Virginia. I have a holy spiritual
director -- the Abbot Benedict McDermott of the Order of
Saint Benedict. The people come from all over the world
including places like Chile, Bolivia and Nigeria.
The Blessed Mother continues to speak to me. I see
Her, and I see Jesus. I see angels and I see saints. I've
stopped trying to figure it out. My prayer is "Jesus, I
trust in You." I live in a special place now, in the
sunshine of love. I choose only to look in His Light. I
choose only to serve Him better and to take His love to
as many as possible and pray that I will have been a life
that mattered for Him.
I know as never before that no one need remain in
darkness except by his or her own choice. I know that if
we are separate, it is because we choose not to love. She
(Mary) told me so.
Love is our divine inheritance. I invite each to
Take His Heart; Take His Hand; Take Her heart; Take Her
Hand.
My journey reminds me of a story in the "Wizard of
OZ," when Dorothy finally realized she never needed to
leave Kansas. We need only journey into our own hearts to
find home.
May Jesus and Mary hold you all in Their arms. I
will carry you all in my heart and in my prayers! May we
. . each of us. . . travel in the mystical depths of love
and truth that shine and surround us everyday in the
silence of our hearts.
.......................................
Ms. Hancock can be reached at
804 784-2214 or write to her at
Mary Mother of the Church Abbey,
12617 River Road, Richmond, VA 23233.
All proceeds from Wake Up America are
contributed to Make A Wish Foundation.
Reprinted by permission from
ANGEL TIMES Magazine, Atlanta, GA
1-800-36-ANGEL - angelmag@mindspring.com
http://www.angeltimes.com
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The HeartThread Journal Page 20
The Movie Mom's Guide to
Family Movies and Videos
..........................
by Nell Minow
Reviews for parents of the best of current films and
old movies available on video and cable, by Nell Minow,
author, film critic, and mother. Reviews will be updated
each week with recommendations and replies to questions
about movies on special topics, suitability of particular
movies for children, and movie trivia--try to stump me!
I'd also love your suggestions for a new book on movies
for families. The best kids' comments I receive will be
published. The Movie Mom (TM)
For Kids
********
The Preacher's Wife
.....................
Penny Marshall, PG, 8 and up
Whitney Houston's voice and Denzel Washington's
subtle and endearing performance are the highlights of
this uneven remake of a 1947 Cary Grant movie about an
angel sent to help a beleagered clergyman (Courtney
Vance). Many kids will find it hard to get interested in
the story, about a minister's efforts to keep his
community together; help one boy who is wrongly accused
of a crime and another who needs a foster home; and
reconnect with his wife and child. Washington is truly
heavenly as the angel, overjoyed at a chance to return to
earth. Houston's acting range is limited, but she glows
nicely when seen by Washington's appreciative eyes; her
genuine pleasure in returning to her roots (her mother is
gospel singer Cissy Houston) is evident, and her songs
are frequent enough to keep the plot from sagging too
badly. And the movie gives us a most welcome view of a
middle-class black community working and worshiping
together.
For Teens
*********
Ghosts of Mississippi
.....................
Rob Reiner (1996) Rated PG-13 for language
(some profanity and some racist epithets)
and one violent shooting, recommended for 12 and up
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The HeartThread Journal Page 21
This movie tells the true story of the trial and
conviction of Byron de la Beckwith (James Woods) for the
murder of civil rights leader Medgar Evers, thirty years
after it happened. Evers was murdered in front of his
home in 1963. Beckwith was tried twice for the crime, by
two all-white juries, both ending in mistrials. The case
was dormant for thirty years, while Evers' widow (Whoopi
Goldberg) tried to persuade local authorities to
prosecute him again. Finally, assistant district attorney
Bobby DeLaughter (Alec Baldwin) reopened the case,
despite the hostility from much of the community, and
Beckwith was convicted.
Like all major feature films that focus on the civil
rights era, this one finds a way to make the story
revolve around the whites. While DeLaughter's persistence
and integrity are laudable, one cannot help thinking that
the very fact that he is the hero says more about the
state of race relations in this country than the
long-overdue conviction of a racist murderer.
Even with some weaknesses, however, this is an
important film for today's teens of all races to watch
with their families. It is filled with telling details,
from the reactions of DeLaughter's family (his wife
leaves him, though the decision to pursue the case is
clearly only the most recent of a series of disputes; his
mother says she preferred the days of segregation) to the
restroom door that swings shut behind DeLaughter in the
courthouse showing a carved sign that once read "white
men." And the movie recognizes the complexity of the
problems it depicts, as DeLaughter must deal with his own
family's legacy of racism.
Parents should use this film as a starting point for
a discussion of the civil rights era and the questions
and injustices that continue to haunt us.
NOTE: Evers' son, Darryl plays himself, and other family
members appear as well.
...............................................
The Movie Mom's Guide is on the web at:
http://pages.prodigy.com/moviemom/moviemom.html
"Movie Mom" is a trademark of Nell Minow
All material (C) 1997 Nell Minow
Email: nellm@aol.com
* * * * * * * *
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The HeartThread Journal Page 22
- HeartQuestions -
Questions & Reflections about
Marriage, Parenting, Family & Society
---------------------------------------
Commitment as a Husband and a Father
......................................
by Peter F. Brown
DEAR PETER:
I'm single and my girlfriend is divorced with three
children. I'm confused, as she probably can't give me a
child, but I really love her. Should I continue my
relationship and become husband and wife? Or should we
not see each other, and let our relationship die?
Larry
DEAR LARRY:
What is true love, after all? Since you say that you
really love her, I have to assume that you want to bring
her joy, and also want to care for her children, whom she
undoubtedly loves very much. Her children must also need
a loving father to take care of them. Is having your own
physical children more important than the unselfish love
that you hopefully feel for her and her children? There's
no question about it -- marry her, and care for her with
all your heart. Raise her children as your own, and build
a family based on selfless commitment.
DEAR PETER:
I am a 38 year old Hispanic married man, father of
two beautiful girls (5 and 8 years old.) My marriage has
been very difficult since the beginning and we were
married 12 years ago. My wife is mean sometimes even with
the kids. I think she has little or no respect for me.
Sometime she behaves lovely but when I disagree with her
she becomes angry and talks to me in a very unpleasant
voice. Her face, voice and expression change completely
and she starts using nasty vocabulary. She even gets
violent and starts to hit me, at the beginning I refused
to hit her back but sometimes I can't control myself. I
responded and I hit her back on several occasions.
We both work and she demands a lot from me, she
doesn't take care of the house, complaining she works
very hard or doesn't have time. I do most of the cooking,
the cleaning inside and outside the house, and still it
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The HeartThread Journal Page 23
is not enough for her. I don't believe in divorce and I
don't want to leave the kids, that's probably the reason
why I stay. But things get very tough. I can't explain
all the details here, but I hope you would give some
advice on how to handle this kind of situation. Maybe you
can give my wife some kind of advice. I appreciate your
help. Thank you very much.
Angel
DEAR ANGEL:
You have a difficult cross to bear -- my heart goes
out to you! It is always hard when the other spouse
doesn't respond, or doesn't accept responsibility for
creating a harmonious relationship. It would seem that
with the heart that you've expressed, your two girls
really need you as their father, to love them, and give
them stability of heart. Stay for their sake, and stay
for your wife's sake as well. It's similar to being a
rock in the ocean. With the waves breaking all around,
and the storm beating against the rock, you, as the rock,
have the opportunity to save your family from drowning.
They'll cling to you as their savior and their
"heartistic" doctor. What will happen to the hearts of
your daughters if you left? It's unthinkable.
Fighting with your wife, and responding in anger, to
the degree of hitting her back, will create serious
damage to the heartistic atmosphere in your family, your
own heart and spirit, and the hearts of your children.
Granted, you have a very difficult situation. An
aggressively loving approach, combined with heartistic
education, may help your wife understand the value of
harmony and unselfish love. Praying for your wife, and
praying to gain more strength to love her, is something
that you may wish to consider.
I recommend that you both attend some type of
marriage program, where you'll have a chance to really
communicate with each other, and where she'll have a
chance to learn new methods of relating with you and the
children. It's difficult to progress, sometimes, without
real, solid education of heart. My best wishes to your
family.
........................................................
Peter F. Brown is the author of the book,
"Striving for Parental Love" and lives in
Virginia Beach, VA with his wife Kim and their
four children, Tymon, Thea Grace, Ranin and Tadin
HeartQuestions is published as a column on
The HeartThread Resource Page at:
"http://futurerealm.com"
Email: peterbrown@futurerealm.com
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The HeartThread Journal Page 24
Maybe I Should Take A Coif Drop
.................................
by Kim Korman Brown
I went to a "swanky" haircutting place in April of
1991, and unintentionally got my hair cut into the shape
of a french poodle's head. Of course, I didn't know it
was going to turn out like that. I thought it was going
to be very glamorous and becoming.
When I came home my husband said, "You look like an
old lady. Why don't you dye it blue?"
I have never cut my hair since, (except for having
the ends trimmed.) I was standing in front of the
bathroom mirror today, trying to braid my hair (which I
have never figured out how to do.) My arms got tired and
I went and sat down across from my husband in our living
room. As he was speaking to me I pulled my hair back and
put a barrette in it.
"Unique style," Peter said. "You look like Bram
Stoker's Dracula -- or Leslie Nielson in "Dracula, Dead
and Loving It"".
"Huh?"
"You've got two poofy things like Mickey Mouse's
ears up there."
I took the barrette out and let my hair fall loose.
I once saw the movie,"Sullivan's Travels", with Veronica
Lake. She had long, liquid blond hair, parted on the
side, shiny like a Breck girl. It rippled to her
shoulders and didn't move. She gave Joel McRae sidelong
glances, peeking out from behind the luxuriant, blond
waterfall. Bewitching and cool. One wondered if she could
turn her head. Whenever I let my hair loose, it's the
"Cousin It" effect, all the way. If I sit still it stays
put. If I move, it's in my face.
Most of my life, glamour has been a foreign port.
I'm a graduate of the Granola Eating, Armpit Hair Growers
of America, 1973. I wanted to be a natural woman.
Plucking my eyebrows, wearing pantyhose and putting on
makeup was not an expression of freedom! Holy epilady, I
had razor-free legs. I was "a child of God, walking along
the road, going to Yasgur's farm to camp out on the land
and set my soul free", woman.
Then around 1979 I took a job in a mall during the
Christmas season. I decided to take the plunge and go to
a makeup counter at a large department store for a free
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The HeartThread Journal Page 25
makeover. The girl behind the counter was tall, thin,
blonde, and chic. I timidly sat down on the little stool.
"I don't usually wear make-up, and I thought it
would be a good idea if I learned how. Hee hee. I'm only
24, hee hee. I wondered if you could do my face and give
me an idea of how it would look. Hee hee. Gulp. I'm
actually quite nervous, I've never done this before. Hee
hee. Not too much, please, just a little bit, I'm not
used to the way it looks. Hee hee. Gulp. Thanks."
I sat patiently on the stool as the girl cleaned my
face with cotton balls, wiped it with solutions, rubbed
it and sponged it with all kinds of cool, dabbing
sensations. "Oh, this is beautiful," she said. "You're
going to love this." She oohed and aahed a few more times
and then swung the makeup mirror toward me so I could
look. "Gee, thanks." I said. The first word that came to
mind was "ghoul". I had on black eyeliner, heavy purple
eyeshadow and mascara, and dark red lip-liner out lining
dark red lips. My look went from 'granola' to 'shameless
hussy'.
I went to the ladies room and wiped most of it off.
When I heard the words, "You're going to love
this!", I knew it was time to start worrying. In the
eighth grade, a lady I sometimes baby-sat for offered to
do my hair. She kept saying, "You're going to love this.
You're going to love this!" I smiled dumbly at her. When
she finished setting my hair and combing and coifing it,
she turned me toward the mirror, smiled breathlessly, and
said "Ta Da!" I looked in the mirror and saw a french
poodle's head. Arf.
.......................................
Kim Korman Brown is a writer and a Mom,
living in Virginia Beach, Virginia
Email: kimbrown@futurerealm.com
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The HeartThread Journal Page 26
The HeartThread Resource Guide
- Resources for Couples, Parents & Families -
...............................................
If you have any books, products, services, seminars,
or other helpful items that you would like us
to mention in this space, please email us at
"peterbrown@futurerealm.com".
Ad spaces are 23 character wide x 18 lines long.
Submissions should be formatted correctly and emailed.
This advertising space is FREE for a limited time.
Items do not have to fall within specific categories,
but we do reserve the right to selectively approve
any and all advertisements.
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| Beach, VA 23454 / USA | futurerealm.com" | info. Call 757-468-6848 |
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The HeartThread Journal Page 28