The HeartThread Journal
November - December, 1996 Issue
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* The HeartThread Journal *
- The Journal of
Marriage,
Parenting,
Family & Society -
----------------------------------
Vol. 1, Nos. 11-12
Combined Holiday Issue
December 15, 1996
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Published by FutureRealm Productions
* The HeartThread Journal *
- The Journal of Marriage, Parenting, Family & Society -
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Vol. 1, Nos. 11-12 * Combined Holiday Issue * December 15, 1996
"To promote and encourage the 'thread' of unselfish heart and love
that invisibly connects husbands and wives, parents and children,
and brothers and sisters."
------------------------------
From the Editor
...............
With this Christmas Issue, we're watching our first
year of publishing the HeartThread Journal draw to a
close. It's been a year with a bump or two, but all in
all, I'm exceedingly grateful that we've brought out a
year's worth of issues. The bump or two caused us to
bring out two combo issues -- this one being our second.
It's the holiday season, so we can wiggle a little. (We
have to bake cookies for Santa, you know.)
Since the last issue, we've expanded the scope of
our web site, the HTJ and the HeartQuestions column. They
all include the word "Society" now, because we felt that
family issues, social issues and world peace are
inextricably linked. We therefore will sometimes address
social and world issues that directly or indirectly
affect the family.
This issue also sees the first reprint from the
Washington Times -- a newspaper that's on the cutting
edge in terms of family and social issues. If you don't
get the Washington Times National Weekly Edition, visit
our web site and register to get 4 free issues with your
no-obligation trial subscription.
As we go into the new year, and another round of
issues, I'd like to solicit your opinions about the
HeartThread Journal. Send me an email, if you will, (to
peterbrown@futurerealm.com) and let me know your thoughts
about the content or other aspects of the HTJ. I want to
improve the journal -- your input is priceless.
Finally, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Peter F. Brown
Editor & Publisher
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The HeartThread Journal Page 1
TABLE OF CONTENTS
* From the Editor, Peter F. Brown ......................1
* The Name Game, by Betty St. John .....................5
* A Christmas Reminiscence, by Phyllis Korman ..........6
* Book Review by Ann Iparraguirre
[Grandparents Are Forever, by Carolyn Gutowski] ......8
* More Girls Say No to Sex with Best Friends' Help,
by Cheryl Wetzstein .................................10
* All My Children, by Sylvia Jo Smith .................15
* The Movie Mom's Guide to Movies
and Videos for Families, by Nell Minow ..............16
(Review of "101 Dalmatians",
"Space Jam", "Twelfth Night")
* HeartQuestions / Questions & Reflections
about Marriage, Parenting, Family & Society
"The Heart Within a Gift", by Peter F. Brown ........18
* Clothes Don't Make the Man,
Clothes Make Dirty Laundry,
by Kim Korman Brown .................................21
* The HeartThread Resource Guide:
Resources for Couples, Parents & Families ...........24
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The HeartThread Journal Page 2
The HeartThread Journal
is published by FutureRealm Productions
Publisher and Editor - Peter F. Brown
Co-Publisher - Kim Korman Brown
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Visit our web page, "The HeartThread Resource Page", at:
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or our other site at "http://worldcommunity.com"
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You can mail us at:
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WRITERS ARE ALWAYS NEEDED
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If you want to write for The HeartThread Journal,
we will be happy to review your article, column or story.
Please review our "Writers Guidelines" on our web page,
and email us your proposal or actual work.
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The HeartThread Journal Page 3
ADVERTISING INFORMATION
***********************
Advertising products or services of value or interest
to parents, couples or families is encouraged.
Brief textual advertisements will appear in the
"HeartThread Resource Guide" at the end of this journal.
For a limited time, advertisements will be FREE.
When this special advertising promotion ends,
advertising rates will be published.
FREE ADVERTISING FOR AUTHORS
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All authors receive FREE advertising space in
the issue that their article or column appears.
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COPYRIGHT INFORMATION
*********************
All materials contained herein are
(C) Copyright 1996 by FutureRealm Productions
except for individual articles and columns,
which are Copyrighted by their respective authors.
Individual authors retain all rights to their articles,
unless otherwise specified.
All Rights Reserved Worldwide.
No part of this journal may be used or reproduced
in any manner whatsoever without
written permission from the publisher,
or the individual authors
(in the case of their articles or columns),
except in cases of brief quotations
embodied in articles and reviews.
Opinions expressed by writers in The HeartThread Journal
are not necessarily those of FutureRealm Productions.
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LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
*********************
Readers wishing to submit a letter should email it to:
"peterbrown@futurerealm.com"
or send it by regular mail to the above address.
Letters may be edited for grammar or length.
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The HeartThread Journal Page 4
The Name Game
...............
by Betty St. John
I'm refinishing furniture for my first grandchild.
She's due in April. How, in the name of God, can I be a
grandmother? I was at Woodstock! I still buy big, funky
earrings, and wear bluejeans. I read Tom Robbins and
UNDERSTAND him.
In order to avoid thinking about being a
grandmother, I think about the new baby, as I work on her
furniture. I call her "her" because I'm hoping for a
girl. Not for any particular reason. It's just that I had
a girl first, and all of my special baby outfits,
carefully wrapped in tissue, for posterity, are girl's
dresses. By the time I had a son, my 4th and last child,
I was trying to save my sanity, not clothes. To hell with
posterity!
So I am sanding and painting this furniture for
"her." And because I am delusional, and think I have some
say in the matter, I am considering names for this child.
I, of course, want the name to have historical
significance within the family. I've come up with a name
that embraces our lineage from England to the present.
The name is Meri Rose Kilgore. Meri is my daughter, Rose,
my mother, and ...ta da ...Mary Kilgore was one of the
first women of our family to come to America. Get it?
By my 4th pregnancy, I was desperate for girl's
names. It never occurred to me that I would have a son,
and I was fresh out of ideas for a daughter. One day I
read about a woman named Jemimah. It was a beautiful
story, and the name caught my fancy. I called my mother
and announced I had finally come up with a great name for
the baby.
"I'm going to call her Jemimah. Isn't that neat?"
Silence...
"Mom?"
"Honey, what about your other daughters?"
"What about them?"
"Do you want their children to have an "Aunt
Jemimah?"
"Oh mom, that's silly. Besides, it's a Hebrew name.
It means peace."
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"Yes, honey, but to whom?"
T. S. Elliot said, "The naming of cats is a serious
matter...not one of your everyday, common place games..."
The crisis was averted when, against all odds, I had
a son. Jeremy was named and embraced without another
thought about the loss of a Jemimah in our family tree. I
still think the name is pretty. But I have learned that
the naming of children can be fraught with peril. And in
this particular case, the peril is not mine. That honor
goes to the parents.
But it's a lead pipe cinch, that no baby was ever
left at the hospital, for lack of a name.
The sanding done, I move on to the paintbrushes.
Wonder what they will call it if it's a boy?
.............................................
Betty St. John is a Southern writer
living in Baton Rouge, LA. She co-hosts
a story telling web site at mommydearest.com
Email: iseek2@popalex1.linknet.net
* * * * * * * *
A Christmas Reminiscence
..........................
by Phyllis Korman
At the holiday season I am reminded of Christmases
of long ago on the ranch near Buena, Washington, when I
was a teenager. There was a fragrant Christmas tree
glowing with flames of dozens of wax candles, scalloped
with ropes of silver tinsel and glittering with fragile
ornaments in rainbow hues. On the very top of the tree
floated an angel with spread wings made of spun glass. We
lit the candles once each evening and for a time watched
the tree shine in the mellow light.
On Christmas morning, as soon as we got out of bed,
the bulging stockings were explored down to the orange in
the toe. After breakfast came the excitement of opening
the red-and-green papered, ribbon bedecked packages under
the tree. Some of the gifts had come by mail from
California, Idaho and Vermont. I especially recall the
oriental things from California -- a wicker basket made
in China with a lid decorated with beads and a tassel, a
sandalwood fan with end staves perforated in a design,
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and my favorite -- a packet of thin, tinted wood discs
that magically became "flowers" when dropped into a glass
of water.
There were books that gave us hours of pleasure,
handmade clothing, and maple sugar boiled down from sap
in the sugarhouse on my aunt's farm in Vermont. But soon
we had to tear ourselves away from these treasures to
help prepare Christmas dinner.
It was often a cooperative affair. In the early
1900's many of the fruit ranchers in the Yakima valley
where we lived were in a sense pioneers and were
separated from relatives, so two or three families would
get together for the feast.
When it was at our house, Dad set up a table of
planks laid on trestles in the living room. A silence
cloth was spread over it and that was covered with the
long white linen tablecloth with the hand embroidered
monogram in the corner. There were matching monogrammed
napkins too.
I remember the care with which we brought down from
the top shelves of the kitchen cupboards Mother's
treasured gold-bordered Haviland china (my favorite piece
was the long celery dish with a gold-beaded, scalloped
edge), and how, before setting them by the napkins, we
polished the solid silver forks, knives and spoons of
various patterns which had been wedding gifts. Sparkling
cut glass water glasses and individual salt cellars were
arranged on the table. How beautiful and opulent it
looked to me.
With the table ready, Mother, Jean and I carried on
the preparation of the meal which had begun the day
before. Our home-grown turkey had been put in the oven
before breakfast. Now potatoes were peeled and celery
cleaned, and creamy hard sauce was made for the suet
pudding Mother had steamed the day before. All the while
little Patty Lou, the youngest of our family, seemed to
be underfoot everywhere.
As the guests arrived there was a lot of talk and
laughter. The men found some place in which to keep out
of the way and socialize, while the women busied
themselves with putting the ruby cranberry sauce and the
spicy-smelling peaches in their cut glass dishes. I loved
the bustle and the women's chatter, the fragrance of the
roasting turkey and the aroma of coffee perking in the
new electric pot. I enjoyed every minute of it until
after dinner when it came time for me and Jean to wash
all those dishes.
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After it was cleared, the table was taken down and
the adults settled down to conversation. By five o'clock
our guests had gone home. Our family relaxed and we
children spent some more time enjoying our gifts. And
then about nine o'clock we brought the day to a happy
close by once more enjoying the magical glow of the
lighted candles on our beautiful Christmas tree.
NOTE from Kim Korman Brown
**************************
Phyllis Korman is my great-aunt, the wife of my
father's Uncle Jerry. When I was a child, they were the
aunt and uncle whose visits brought the greatest joy to
me. My Uncle Jerry always looked rather jaunty, with a
goatee and some sort of neat cap on his head. My mother
always said that Aunt Phyllis reminded her of Amelia
Earhart, with her trim figure and short hair. Once when
they were visiting, I was crying about something and my
Aunt Phyllis distracted me by saying, "Taste your tears!
They taste like salt!" and I did, and they did, and I
calmed down.
They drove a black Volkswagen and always brought me
some sort of unusual gift when they visited. My most
prized possession was from them, -- a little treasure
chest encrusted with seashells that came from Trinidad.
Uncle Jerry was killed most tragically some years
ago, struck by a car while riding his bicycle. My dear
Aunt, now in her eighties, resides in Chula Vista,
California where she has done extensive volunteer work.
She is currently writing her memoirs.
* * * * * * * *
Book Review of
Grandparents Are Forever
by Carolyn Gutowski
..........................
Review by Ann Iparraguirre
"Grandparents Are Forever" is a warmly written book
that reminds its reader of the importance for children of
having a relationship with grandparents. In the various
chapters of her book, Gutowski describes grandparents as
Nurturers, Family Historians, Mentors, Models of Aging,
and as Sages. Quotes from the Bible are liberally
sprinkled throughout the book giving it an added depth,
and showing God's own intention in creating grandparents.
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Grandparents as Nurturers:
Fashioning the Heart
..........................
We cannot love without first being loved. Initially,
we come to know the message of love through nurturing.
The love in nurturing makes it a God-like act. Indeed,
the human need for love has its roots in the divine, for
"God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God and
God in him." (I John 4:8) But even here the relationship
is primarily a nurturing one on God's part, "because he
has first loved us." (I John 4:10) As children of a
loving Father, we must carry on this tradition of
nurturing: "If God so loved us, we ought to love one
another." (I John 4:11) These words proclaim the great
mission to which grandparents are called.
Grandparents as Family Historians:
Retrieving the Past
..................................
Important though our secular history is, with its
socio-cultural dimensions, success in fashioning our
lives and remaking the world is ultimately a religious
achievement. Through storytelling, grandparents can play
a decisive role in the religious formation of children by
depicting for them their religious history. As living
ancestors they have a special place in the family: they
can make the word of God come alive for their
grandchildren. Experiencing personally and concretely how
the providential plan has worked in their own lives, they
bear witness that those created by God in His image and
likeness are loved and guided by Him, "whose wisdom
reaches from end to end mightily and orders all things
graciously." (Wis 1:8)
Grandparents as Mentors:
Teaching Skills
........................
Grandparents as mentors make a commitment of
friendship and trust. Building on this personal
foundation, they use wisdom, talents and skills to
facilitate full development. Grandparents are also
practical guides in helping a new generation avoid life's
pitfalls, in enabling them to envision good opportunities
and creative ways of doing things, and patiently standing
by while they take up the challenges for which the mentor
prepared them.
Grandparents as Models of Aging: Facing the Future
..................................................
Life is a journey which begins at conception. Each
life has its own particular destiny, yet somehow it
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The HeartThread Journal Page 9
intertwines with those of others. Finding ourselves to be
immigrants in time, we experience the same life stages -
infancy, childhood, adolescence, adulthood, old age and
death - as others do, yet in different existential
settings. Those who are years ahead of us in age have had
different historical experiences yet share current ones
with us as well. All of us, however, must relinquish old
and familiar settings and move toward the unknown.
Grandparents as Sages:
Enlightening the Spirit
.......................
Information is necessary, but insufficient. Wisdom,
even more necessary, is often elusive. Grandparents, like
matchmakers, can bring young minds and wisdom into
enduring union. Wisdom sounds as if it belongs in an
elitist philosophical enclave. Wisdom also dwells in the
common sense world of everyday living. The core of wisdom
is order. "It belongs to the wise person to order
things," says Aquinas.
Each chapter concludes with a list of tips of 'how'
to do and 'what' to do to develop relationships between
grandparents and young people. The author points out that
all children need grandparents or grandparent figures and
encourages those of grandparent age to reach out to
others if they have no grandchildren of their own or if
their family lives far away.
Grandparents Are Forever,
published by Paulist Press, Mahwah, NJ, 1994
..............................................
Ann Iparraguirre is currently studying
for a PhD in education, and is the founder
of a private elementary school in Connecticut.
* * * * * * * *
More Girls Say No to Sex with Best Friends' Help
..................................................
by Cheryl Wetzstein
The first independent study of the Best Friends
abstinence program for teen-age girls has found that
nearly all of its D.C. participants strongly believe in
and practice sexual abstinence.
"I can say no in seven different ways," said one of
the 88 Best Friends teens in D.C. schools who
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The HeartThread Journal Page 10
participated in the study, conducted and financed by
David R. Rowberry for his doctoral dissertation at the
University of Colorado.
The Rowberry study could become an important
addition to research on the effectiveness of
abstinence-only programs.
In his yearlong study, Mr. Rowberry found that nine
of the 88 Best Friends girls, ages 12 to 18, had engaged
in sexual intercourse. One became pregnant.
In contrast, a 1993 survey of 990 D.C. public school
girls in the same age group found that 72 percent had had
sexual intercourse, with 200 becoming pregnant.
The District has the highest rate of unwed teen
births in the nation with 68 births per 1000, according
to the 1995 Kids Count survey, a project of the Annie E.
Casey Foundation.
Mr. Rowberry's work is the first independent
evaluation of the Best Friends program, which Elayne
Bennett founded in 1986.
"This validates us," Mrs. Bennett said of the study.
"We knew, by talking with the girls, that we were truly
making a difference. But now we have quantifiable
documentation from an objective researcher."
The privately funded Best Friends program, which now
operates in several states, serves girls in the sixth to
ninth grades. It teaches girls how and why to say no to
drugs, alcohol, violence and sexual intercourse. When
Best Friends girls enter the 10th grade, they can join
the program's less-structured "Diamond Girls" phase.
The Diamond Girls program is the "weakest" aspect of
the program, Mr. Rowberry wrote. Seven of the nine girls
who reported having sex were in high school.
Best Friends officials say that of the 400 girls who
have completed at least two years of the program, 1
percent have become pregnant.
Best Friends does not take the approach preferred by
most schools, which is a "comprehensive" message of
abstinence combined with information about how to have
"safe" sex.
The nation's teen birth rate has dropped by 4
percent since 1992, possibly because of increased condom
use, a federal official said. Research on dual-message
programs has shown that some are effective in getting
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The HeartThread Journal Page 11
teens to delay sexual activity, but none of the programs
has been shown to decrease teen pregnancy.
Moreover, a comparison of data from the Centers for
Disease Control and Prevention and state sex-education
profiles showed that states that eschew sex education or
stress abstinence in such programs appear to have fewer
teen pregnancies than states that promote condom use.
"There has been a pretty definitive shift in
interest and acceptance of abstinence as a viable option
for kids," said Stan E. Weed, a respected researcher on
teen sexuality and abstinence issues who is based in Salt
Lake City.
Still, there is reluctance to rely on
abstinence-only approaches because of the lack of
research showing whether such programs work, he said. To
get accurate pregnancy data for any prevention program,
he added, researchers have to track girls for several
years.
Mr. Rowberry, who received his Ph.D. in December,
said the Best Friends program's success appears to stem
from its:
* Unique combination of class work, group talk
sessions, one on one talks with mentors, role models,
aerobics classes and an annual "recognition ceremony"
where the girls are feted.
* Presentation of the "same, clear normative values
concerning sexual and social behavior" that the girls
would receive from religious sources.
* Consistency, with many girls staying through the
three year program and entering the Diamond Girls
program.
* Future-oriented approach that encourages girls to
plan on attaining an education, job and career, marriage
and family.
* Emphasis on the girls supporting and safeguarding
one another as "best friends."
Mr. Rowberry collected data via a confidential
questionnaire and selected interviews with the girls,
mentors, school officials, parents and neighbors.
Seventy-six of the 88 Best Friends girls reported
that they had not had sexual intercourse; three girls
declined to answer the question.
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The HeartThread Journal Page 12
Of the nine girls who said they had had sexual
intercourse, three said they had been forced into the act
and three said they were working toward "renewed
virginity."
Mr. Rowberry compared his findings with a 1993 Youth
Risk Behavior Surveillance Survey and a 1992-93 sexuality
study that used a CDC questionnaire.
The youth risk survey found that of 990 D.C. public
school girls, 712 had had intercourse, with most losing
virginity on or before their 15th birthday. The CDC-based
survey found that 299 seventh and tenth grade teens
believed that more than half their classmates were having
sex.
Mr. Rowberry cautioned that "care must be taken in
generalizing the results" of his study because of the
lack of comparable data and its small sample size.
TEENS AND SEX
.............
Doctoral candidate David R. Rowberry examined the
Best Friends abstinence program for girls and compared
his findings with two surveys of D.C. public school
students.
* Best Friends
............
Base: 88 girls, ages 12-18
Sexual intercourse: 76 said no, nine said yes,
three did not answer
Pregnancies: 1
* 1993 youth risk behaviors surveillance survey
.............................................
Base: 990 girls, ages 12-18
Sexual intercourse: 278 said no, 712 said yes
Pregnancies: 200
* 1993 evaluation of D.C.
sexuality education/HIV training
................................
Base: 299 male and female seventh and tenth graders
Sexual intercourse: 49.5 percent said no,
45.8 percent said yes, data not available for
4.7 percent
Pregnancies: not available
Source: "An Evaluation of
the Washington D.C., Best Friends Program",
David R. Rowberry, 1995
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WHAT BEST FRIENDS SAY
.....................
Teen-age girls who are part of the Best
Friends program told researchers why the program is
important to them:
* "A lot of the girls in the project
are doin' it. Some even laughed at me last
night 'cause I said I like being a virgin."
* "I don't want to be lonely like Mom
is, and I don't want guys always hangin'
round. I hate it when those men try to put
their hands on me."
* "One time, I was going to go with
this guy who had a great line, but they
(Best Friends girls) wouldn't let me. I'm
really glad. He got another friend of mine
pregnant and left her alone. She's sad. We
watch out for each other. I can say no in
seven different ways."
* "Once you (younger Best Friends
girls) get to high school, it's like all
the freshmen girls coming in are like new
meat. You are going to have to realize
that no matter what you say to a guy now,
if they want you, they are going to keep
trying."
* "If you don't respect yourself,
then they're not going to respect you. If
your girlfriend's out there sleeping with
everybody, they think you are too. Watch
who you associate with and watch out,
period."
Source: "An Evaluation of
the Washington D.C., Best Friends Program",
David R. Rowberry, 1995
......................................
reprinted with permission from the
Washington Times, January 16, 1996
Cheryl Wetzstein is a reporter for the
Washington Times, in Washington, DC
Email: dwetzstein@aol.com
* * * * * * * *
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The HeartThread Journal Page 14
All My Children
.................
by Sylvia Jo Smith
Before I married, I was told by our family physician
that I probably could not have children. Moving from
sea-level to the Bavarian Alps must have helped, because
I had four very healthy babies.
It pleases me that my children, who are grown and
married, are friends. They grew up singing together and
every great while in their busy lives, will break out the
guitars, piano, etc. We have fun. They are school
teachers (2), a business owner, and a poet -- who's busy
with three small angels.
When I reflect on days past, of being so tired I
would fall into bed almost whimpering from exhaustion, I
think of young women today and how much they miss.
I realize it is almost necessary for both parents to
work outside the home today. But I wonder if my children
would be anything like they are if they had been in Day
Care all their baby years.
I was too busy when they were little to be concerned
with a new car, new home, new wardrobe...new everything.
It would have been great to have it all, but not at their
expense.
Back then, the husband was "the breadwinner" and the
mother of the children could stay home and not feel
guilty for doing so.
When I was young, I learned from my mother and the
Irish nuns that being a wife and mother was a noble
profession.
It seems simple to me. Mary, The mother of Jesus,
swept floors, baked bread, washed clothes in a spring and
watched over Jesus as he grew.
Then she gave Him up.
Now, I'm no Mary and I have far from perfect
children, but the greatest gifts to me have been these
four. They love me, unconditionally, as I love them.
When my turn comes to face my creator, in my heart I
know He won't quiz me on my career, finances, new homes
or my intellectual level. It will be about what I did
with the four souls entrusted to me for a short few
years. Did I teach them to love? Did I teach them to
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The HeartThread Journal Page 15
forgive? Did I teach them about Him? "Is that all you
did, Jo?" "Yes, Lord, that's about all I did, besides
sing."
.........................................
Sylvia Jo Smith lives in Baton Rouge, LA.
She co-hosts a story telling web site at
mommydearest.com
* * * * * * * *
The Movie Mom's Guide to
Family Movies and Videos
..........................
by Nell Minow
Reviews for parents of the best of current films and
old movies available on video and cable, by Nell Minow,
author, film critic, and mother. Reviews will be updated
each week with recommendations and replies to questions
about movies on special topics, suitability of particular
movies for children, and movie trivia--try to stump me!
I'd also love your suggestions for a new book on movies
for families. The best kids' comments I receive will be
published. The Movie Mom (TM)
RECOMMENDED
***********
101 Dalmatians
..............
(1996) G (but a lot of "comic" violence, some potty
humor, characters in peril, and a scary villainess), 5
and up
Fans of the animated classic will enjoy this
colorful live-action remake, but will come away thinking
that the original is still the best. Once again,
dalmatians Pongo and Perdita bring together their human
companions, Roger (in this version an unsuccessful
computer game creator) and Anita (a designer for the
fashion house headed by Cruella De Vil.) Jeff Daniels and
Joely Richardson are perfectly pleasant as Roger and
Anita, as is Joan Plowright as Nanny, but the audience is
there to see Cruella (played to the hilt by Glenn Close)
and all those darling spotted puppies.
Cruella's henchmen capture Pongo's and Perdita's 15
puppies and 84 more, so she can use their fur to make a
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The HeartThread Journal Page 16
coat. With the help of animal friends, including sheep,
birds, a horse and an accommodating skunk, Pongo and
Perdita save the puppies, and the day, as Cruella and her
dim-witted henchmen are subjected to a series of "Home
Alone"-style booby traps. (It is not a coincidence that
the producer/screenwriter is "Home Alone's" John Hughes.)
Parents -- and some kids -- may find the mayhem too
violent, even by cartoon standards. The dogs do not talk
to each other, as they do in the animated version, which
makes their characters less distinctive and involving,
and their point of view is sorely missed. But the story
is still appealing, the Disney art direction is still
spectacular, and the puppies are adorable.
Space Jam
.........
Joe Pytka (1996) PG (for "mild cartoon language",
some potty humor and cartoon violence) 6 and up.
Many people believe that TV commercials are more
creative and interesting than the programming. This
movie, made by a commercial director (the witty Jane
Goodall HBO spot is one of his most recent), was actually
inspired by a popular commercial, featuring a one-on-one
game between basketball superstar Michael Jordan and Bugs
Bunny. Its origins remain clear, but once you get over
the idea that you have bought a ticket to see a
commercial, you can sit back and enjoy this very
enjoyable film, lots of fun for everyone in the family.
The premise is that evil aliens from an
interplanetary theme park (just one of several digs at
Warner Brother's rival, Disney) are sent to earth to
capture the Loony Tunes characters -- Bugs Bunny, Elmer
Fudd, Daffy Duck, Sylvester and Tweety Bird, and the
rest. Reasoning that the aliens are tiny and puny, Bugs
challenges them to a basketball game, and they agree that
if the Tunes win, they can stay on earth. The aliens
steal all the basketball talent from the NBA stars, and
only Michael Jordan (then playing baseball -- or trying
to) is left to help them.
The script has some weak moments, and some viewers
will wince when Bugs explains to Jordan that the cartoon
characters don't want to be slaves, but Jordan and his
fellow NBA-ers (plus ex-player Larry Bird and a visiting
Bill Murray) are good sports -- and the combination of
animation and live action is terrific.
Themes to discuss: helping others, believing in
yourself.
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The HeartThread Journal Page 17
Twelfth Night
.............
Trevor Nunn (1996) PG (for "mild thematic elements",
meaning gender-switching references and inexplicit
nudity) Recommended for 12 and up
The movie's advertising tag line compares it to drag
queen dramas "The Birdcage," "Priscilla, Queen of the
Desert," and "Wong Foo," but Shakespeare's gender-
switching comedy is about a young woman name Viola
(Imogen Stubbs) who dresses as a boy ("Cesario"), because
it is the only way she can take care of herself, after
she believes that her twin brother has been killed. She
goes to work for a handsome Duke named Orsinio, who sends
her to carry his message of love to Olivia. But Olivia
(Helena Bonham-Carter) falls in love with "Cesario." And
Viola has falled in love with Orsinio. In the midst of
all this, Olivia's uncle and lady's maid conspire to play
a trick on proud Malvolio, by making him think Olivia
loves him. And then Viola's brother, who has not been
killed after all, arrives on the scene to confuse things
further.
Set in the 19th century, this production has a
quieter and more intimate feeling than some of the
boisterous films of Shakespeare's plays with Elizabethan
settings. The themes of love, loss, longing, and identity
are superbly handled by an outstanding cast that includes
Ben Kingsley (as the jester) and Nigel Hawthorne as
Malvolio. Thoughtful middle- and high-schoolers will find
this an appealing and accessible film. Check out the Web
page too; it is exceptionally well-designed.
...............................................
The Movie Mom's Guide is on the web at:
http://pages.prodigy.com/moviemom/moviemom.html
"Movie Mom" is a trademark of Nell Minow
All material (C) 1996 Nell Minow
Email: nellm@aol.com
* * * * * * * *
- HeartQuestions -
Questions & Reflections about
Marriage, Parenting, Family & Society
---------------------------------------
The Heart Within a Gift
.........................
by Peter F. Brown
It's amazing how much meaning can reside in an
inanimate object. We spend long hours standing in awe in
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The HeartThread Journal Page 18
front of museum artifacts because of their solemn
history. Knight errants rode forth imbued with valor
because of the handkerchiefs knotted to their lances. And
when I was in the eighth grade I picked up a small rock
that the girl in front of me carelessly dropped on the
path -- because I was in love with her from afar. I no
longer remember her name -- and she hardly knew mine, but
I remember picking up the rock and treasuring it, because
she dropped it.
In the same way, gifts can have great value attached
to them based on the heart of the giver or recipient.
Sometimes people give gifts out of duty, with very little
feeling conveyed in the gift, beyond a sense of
obligation. Gift giving is an opportunity to give more
than a gift to someone. If we feel a strong sense of love
or affection for the recipient, then the gift can take on
a special meaning. Our heart is conveyed with the gift --
and our hope, in those instances, is that the recipient
will recognize our heart contained within the gift.
It's unfortunate that sometimes our heart is not
perceived by the recipient of our gift. It's also
unfortunate for the recipients of our gifts that
sometimes our hearts are only obligatory, rather than
enthusiastic and sincere in our gift giving. In a sense,
gift giving and receiving is one of the many barometers
of the heartistic atmosphere between people. Giving gifts
naturally requires more effort than receiving them, which
perhaps accounts for the fact that the act of receiving
gifts is more often beset by insensitivity to the heart
of the giver than the other way around.
It's easy to experience this scenario at Christmas
time. One of the busiest shopping days of the year is the
day after Christmas, when hordes of gift recipients flock
back to the stores to return or exchange their gifts.
It's almost an American pastime. Advertiser even cater to
this phenomenon. I don't really think that those who go
back to the stores with their gifts have any bad intent.
Certainly if an item doesn't fit, then it's reasonable to
exchange it for a different size. I think that over the
years, traditions such as this have developed in our
country rather haphazardly, perhaps caused in part by the
intense commercialization of Christmas.
Parents encounter this tradition when their young
children gather around the tree in the morning, hastily
tearing the wrapping paper from their gifts -- and then
sourly pout, "I didn't want that one! I wanted the other
one!" It's happened with our children. I probably did it
to my parents. It's part of being a child, and wanting
what we want, immediately, without any thought of the
hearts of our parents who labored and perhaps went into
debt for six months to buy us the monster Tonka truck and
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The HeartThread Journal Page 19
all the rest of the toys piled into a mound in front of
us. I remember my mother working extra hours as a grocery
store clerk during the Christmas season. It never really
dawned on me why she did it, until much later. Someday,
when I see her "upstairs", I'm going to apologize to her
because I didn't understand her heart toward me.
When our children react with disappointment, Kim and
I have decided that we just can't let it go unchecked.
It's not limited to Christmas, by any means. Birthdays
are the next in line, followed quite closely by ordinary,
everyday sort of gift giving. Since our children are
still young, we've had experiences here and there of
returning home with a surprise gift for one or all of
them, only to be greeted by monstrous frowns and grumpy
faces. Don't get me wrong -- they love receiving gifts.
But once in awhile, the sky comes falling down and they
greet their carefully chosen gift with an upturned nose
and a glower.
They act that way because they don't know any
better. It's normal, because they're just children. Their
hearts want to receive love -- and sometimes love to them
means a Batman instead of a Superman toy. The issue
becomes, then, a matter of clarifying to them that love
really is being given to them -- even if it comes in the
shape of a toy they don't want.
Thankfully, children respond to heartistic
education. All they really need is a comprehensive
explanation about love and heart, given to them with
patience and respect and kindness. I think that children
are actually more receptive to guidance about love than
adults, simply because less damage has been done to them.
They've been hurt less, and usually still trust that
their parents love them more than the sun or the moon or
the stars. Or, as I tell my children, more than elephants
and tomatoes.
Teaching our children to value the heart within a
gift has far-reaching consequences. If life could be
divided into the realms of complaint and gratitude, which
side would we rather live in? Part of love is the ability
to recognize love when others give it to us. Instead of
coldly spurning others' gifts, or reacting with
indifference, our hearts should be so sensitized that the
smallest gift, given with a sincere heart, causes us to
thoroughly appreciate and value the heart of the person
who gave the gift to us.
Sadly, the world isn't like that yet. Gifts come in
many forms, some very obvious, and some as intangible as
a smile or a kind word. A cup of coffee could contain
within it the sincere heart of a person who is going out
of her way to care for us. Ultimately, gifts should be
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The HeartThread Journal Page 20
given and received as distilled expressions of heart and
love. Their value has the same value as the heart behind
them. For this reason, the gift should be valued forever,
even if it's an ugly tie, or a sweater that is the wrong
color. We may not be able to steel ourselves to wear it
every day, but at the very least we should honor the
heart of the person who gave it to us by keeping it as
the expression of love that it was. I think that the day
after Christmas should be a day when the stores are
almost completely empty, for why would we want to hurt
the hearts of those who gave us gifts by returning them?
If we can teach our children about the heart within
each gift, I believe that our children will increase
their appreciation and sensitivity to all the gifts that
life, and God, have given them. They will then be able to
live in the realm of gratitude, rather than complaint.
........................................................
Peter F. Brown is the author of the book,
"Striving for Parental Love" and lives in
Virginia Beach, VA with his wife Kim and their
four children, Tymon, Thea Grace, Ranin and Tadin
HeartQuestions is published as a weekly column on
The HeartThread Resource Page at:
"http://futurerealm.com"
Email: peterbrown@futurerealm.com
* * * * * * * *
Clothes Don't Make the Man,
Clothes Make Dirty Laundry
.............................
by Kim Korman Brown
Every time I am going somewhere that requires
dressing up, I go through a similar scenario of
aggravation trying to figure out what to wear. My limited
wardrobe sneers at me from the closet. Deja Vu, deja vu.
Already seen, already seen. Oh, would that I were Barbie.
"What should I wear?" I ask my husband, (with lots
of agony in my voice.)
"Wear your blue dress," he says helpfully.
"The belt does this weird thing," I say, (with
exasperation).
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The HeartThread Journal Page 21
"Wear the red one," he says.
"It needs to be dry cleaned," I say, (with
increasing mournfulness).
"Wear the other blue one," says he, with enthusiasm.
"I wore that one the last time I went there," I say,
(revving up for "pout" mode).
"Wear the green one," he says.
"It's a summer dress and now it's fall," I answer,
(the pitch of my voice rising in anguish.)
"Wear jeans," he says, patiently.
"Jeans are too casual, I need to wear something
nice," I reply, the whining tone increasing.
(Note here: If every function required jeans and a
T-shirt, I 'd be fine.)
"Wear the blue one," he suggests again.
"I told you, the belt does this weird thing," I
shriek, throwing my black pumps at the wall.
"I guess you need some new clothes," he says.
"Now you're talking!" I squeal gleefully.
This wardrobe problem is a constant chafe. First you
have to buy the clothes, then you have to keep them
clean. It's always something! Then you have to keep your
body the same size (or smaller) or else they don't fit
anymore. (Not that I've had any problem with that item.)
(HA!) Also, you have to try to remember how much you
liked an item when you bought it, so that you don't start
to hate it after you've worn it too often.
Many times I have looked down at a pile of dirty
laundry that I didn't feel like washing and asked myself
the rhetorical question: I wonder what would happen if I
flushed these down the toilet?
Back in 1960, Mrs. Kilbourne, my kindergarten
teacher, read our class a story about a man who hated
washing dishes. He ate out of every dish in his house,
even the flower pots, until the dishes piled up to the
ceiling. When he finally ran out of containers, he took
everything out onto his lawn and washed them in the rain.
And dad burn it, he done learnt his lesson! (Which was,
of course, to buy paper plates!)
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The HeartThread Journal Page 22
Which leads me to my next point. Why doesn't
somebody invent disposable fashions? There's wash'n'wear.
Why not wear'n'toss? Maybe they could even be flushable!
After all, I live in America! We've made convenience and
labor saving devices a national religion. Has anybody
besides me thought of this yet? Someone could invent
clothes like the ones they make for paper dolls. They
could clip over your shoulders with paper tabs. As long
as you're standing still, and nobody walks behind you,
you look great. You just have to remember to face
everyone you talk to, and never sit down on cold, metal,
folding chairs. (Or on hot, vinyl car seats, either, for
that matter.)
These fashions would be low-cost, and would allow
the consumer a much vaster range of styles and fashion
statements. The anguished moments of indecision would be
gone forever and the possibilities are endless. The
laundry problem would be solved too because you just,
"wear 'n'toss'!
There would be some drawbacks, though -- little
things like sudden gusts of wind, rain or snow
(particularly if they were the water soluble variety),
unwanted sunburn on one's backside, insect bites, and
possibly even, the occasional pinch.
The whole idea would work a lot easier if this
weren't a three dimensional world. Maybe we could all
pray and petition God to recreate us into cartoon form.
Actually that would have great advantages on the cosmic
level. He could take a giant eraser and easily eliminate
litter and toxic landfills. People whose noses are too
big, or who have a weight problem could ask for a close
encounter with the giant eraser too. It might take its
toll on the plastic surgery and lipo-suction industry,
but most of us would remain smiling and well-dressed.
We'd never have to do laundry again and it wouldn't
matter if anyone walked behind us.
Gee, it feels great to find workable solutions to
these pesky problems. I'm going to run for congress.
.......................................
Kim Korman Brown is a writer and a Mom,
living in Virginia Beach, Virginia
Email: kimbrown@futurerealm.com
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The HeartThread Journal Page 23
The HeartThread Resource Guide
- Resources for Couples, Parents & Families -
...............................................
If you have any books, products, services, seminars,
or other helpful items that you would like us
to mention in this space, please email us at
"peterbrown@futurerealm.com".
Ad spaces are 23 character wide x 18 lines long.
Submissions should be formatted correctly and emailed.
This advertising space is FREE for a limited time.
Items do not have to fall within specific categories,
but we do reserve the right to selectively approve
any and all advertisements.
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The HeartThread Journal Page 25