The HeartThread Journal - May, 1996 Issue
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* The HeartThread Journal *
- The Journal of
Marriage,
Parenting &
International Family Traditions -
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Vol. 1, No. 5
May 31, 1996
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Published by FutureRealm Productions
* The HeartThread Journal *
- The Journal of Marriage, Parenting & International Family Traditions -
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Vol. 1, No. 5 May 31, 1996
"To promote and encourage the 'thread' of unselfish heart and love
that invisibly connects husbands and wives, parents and children,
and brothers and sisters."
------------------------------
From the Editor
...............
This month we are happy to have the opportunity to
alert our loyal readers that we have a new web address:
our very own domain! From now on, hop over to
"http://futurerealm.com" when you want to browse through
our web site.
At the same time, our email addresses have changed.
You can contact me at "peterbrown@futurerealm.com", and
my lovely wife Kim at "kimbrown@futurerealm.com". (Of
course both emails come to the same mailbox, but it does
sound nice to have one's own email address, doesn't it?)
The other big bit of news is that we've finally got
our newly modified seminar out of the starting gate. "The
HeartThread Seminar on Marriage, Parenting & Family" is
now available for public consumption! Previously, we were
just focusing on parenting, with the "Striving for
Parental Love" Seminar, but both Kim and myself felt that
we needed to integrate marriage into the same seminar.
The seminar is structured as a three hour program
(although it can be expanded up to two days in length.)
We will be placing the content outline on the web page,
for those who would like to explore it further.
We've got some great articles and columns this month
-- some from regular contributors and some from writers
that are new to us. I hope that you enjoy this issue!
Peter F. Brown
Editor & Publisher
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TABLE OF CONTENTS
* From the Editor, Peter F. Brown ......................1
* Home School and the Right-Brain Wonder,
by Claire Bowles .....................................5
* Culture Crisis and Youth,
by Vern T. Jordahl, PhD ..............................8
* Appreciating Our Loved Ones,
by Victoria Clevenger ...............................12
* Developing the Musical Child - In Every Child,
by Greta Ward - Part 2 ..............................14
* My Assignment, Please,
by Olga S. Hardman ..................................16
* Reflections on the Rails,
by Richard R. Radtke ................................17
* The Movie Mom's Guide to Movies
and Videos for Families, by Nell Minow ..............18
(Review of Flipper)
* Mother Linda's Rhubarb-Strawberry Crunch ............20
* HeartQuestions / Questions & Reflections
about Marriage, Parenting & Family Issues
by Peter F. Brown ...................................20
[The Eternal Castle of True Love]
* Anatomy of a Nickname, by Kim Korman Brown ..........23
* The HeartThread Resource Guide:
Resources for Couples, Parents & Families ...........26
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The HeartThread Journal Page 2
The HeartThread Journal
is published by FutureRealm Productions
Publisher and Editor - Peter F. Brown
Co-Publisher - Kim Korman Brown
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Visit our web page, "The HeartThread Resource Page", at:
"http://futurerealm.com"
or email us at: "peterbrown@futurerealm.com"
or: "kimbrown@futurerealm.com"
You can mail us at:
FutureRealm Productions
P.O. Box 4131
Virginia Beach, VA 23454 / USA
or you can call us at: (804) 468-6848
or fax us at: (804) 468-6461
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SUBSCRIPTION INFORMATION / Email Version & Printed Version
**********************************************************
The HeartThread Journal is a subscription-based publication
sent out through email on the Internet each month.
To subscribe, send an email to "peterbrown@futurerealm.com" with
the phrase "subscribe - HeartThread" in the body of the message.
To unsubscribe, send an email with the phrase
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Internet subscriptions are normally $12.00 per year for 12 issues.
For a limited time, Internet subscriptions are FREE.
Single printed copies are available for $4.00 ea. + $1.00 S&H.
Subscriptions to the printed version are available for $48 per year.
Please mail US Bank Check or Money Order to the above address.
The promotional free Internet subscriptions are not contractually
guaranteed for 12 months -- rather the subscription will
continue indefinitely for free until the publishers
end this special promotion and begin normal subscription rates.
Free subscribers will be notified when this happens,
and will be offered a regular subscription.
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WRITERS ARE ALWAYS NEEDED
*************************
If you want to write for The HeartThread Journal,
we will be happy to review your article, column or story.
Please review our "Writers Guidelines" on our web page,
and email us your proposal or actual work.
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The HeartThread Journal Page 3
ADVERTISING INFORMATION
***********************
Advertising products or services of value or interest
to parents, couples or families is encouraged.
Brief textual advertisements will appear in the
"HeartThread Resource Guide" at the end of this journal.
For a limited time, advertisements will be FREE.
When this special advertising promotion ends,
advertising rates will be published.
FREE ADVERTISING FOR AUTHORS
****************************
All authors receive FREE advertising space in
the issue that their article or column appears.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
COPYRIGHT INFORMATION
*********************
All materials contained herein are
(C) Copyright 1996 by FutureRealm Productions
except for individual articles and columns,
which are Copyrighted by their respective authors.
Individual authors retain all rights to their articles,
unless otherwise specified.
All Rights Reserved Worldwide.
No part of this journal may be used or reproduced
in any manner whatsoever without
written permission from the publisher,
or the individual authors
(in the case of their articles or columns),
except in cases of brief quotations
embodied in articles and reviews.
Opinions expressed by writers in The HeartThread Journal
are not necessarily those of FutureRealm Productions.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
*********************
Readers wishing to submit a letter should email it to:
"peterbrown@futurerealm.com"
or send it by regular mail to the above address.
Letters may be edited for grammar or length.
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Home School and the Right-Brain Wonder
........................................
by Claire Bowles
There's been much discussion recently on left and
right brain function and which kinds of people are left
and which are right brain oriented.
The left, they say, controls a person's
understanding and abilities in such things as math,
handwriting, number and letter symbols for abstract
concepts, and it tries to keep a lid on the right brain.
The right side, on the other hand, is supposed to be
in charge of your artistic abilities. Pictures and
stories, humor, language skills and philosophical
concepts are picked up on this side of the gray matter.
A good example is this: my father is a "right brain"
person. Three times a week he would go to the store and
pick up milk for my children and me. Every time he went
I'd say, "Two percent milk, Dad," and every time he'd
bring me regular whole milk. After a few weeks of
drinking the wrong milk, I figured it out. The next time
he went to the store I said, "Purple-capped milk, Dad,"
and he never bought the wrong milk again. That's the
difference between the left and right brain.
Eight years ago I gave birth to a right brain
wonder. You understand that there is right brain and
there is "Right Brain"... as in, "the left side of the
head is empty."
We started to suspect something odd when, as a baby,
he crawled with his head tilted slightly to the right. At
ten months old, he said his first word, "Amen" and at
three years old he asked me, "If God only created good
things, who created Satan?"
At four, he asked me the difference between "brain
and mind." At four and a half we had a discourse on How
Fear Turns Good People Evil. At five he wanted to know
how subject and object relates to the planets. At five
and a half he understood the concept of God-inspired
evolution, and at six could explain the spirit world in
relation to man.
I'm not bragging. Oh, not!
I handed him a pencil at five years of age, (before
I knew he had no left brain) and I wrote ABC on a paper,
asking him to copy it. He scrawled a few marks on the
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paper, screamed something like "HELP!", threw the pencil
down as if it was Cleopatra's asp and ran from the room.
He didn't touch a pencil willingly again until he
discovered he could draw a fish.
At eight years old he can't tie a shoe, read a
clock, or do five math problems without getting one of
his "left-brained headaches." I homeschool him out of
necessity (he drove the teachers crazy.)
When doing his left brain studies, like math, he
suddenly becomes more monkey than boy. Standing on the
table, dropping his pencil 16 times every minute, crying,
accusing me of torture, looking at the clock to see if
the big hand and the little hand are both on the 12 yet,
and doodling wildly. He drifts off into space between the
numbers, which he writes backwards. I hold him to the
page through mind-meld, feeding him the answers
telepathically.
"Come on Kiddo...it's easy, 8 minus 3. Remember? You
did this ten times already."
"Um...8...mmmmm...I know, I know," (he hits himself
on the forehead to show me that he's thinking.)
"Go ahead, use your fingers," I urge.
"Um...minus 3...equals..."
"Hello, your mind is wandering."
"Oh yes. Let's see, 8, uh, minus 3."
"OK, OK, how about this? There were eight, huge
dinosaurs, lumbering along in a hazy swamp munching on
ferns and other pre-historic, now extinct plants.
Suddenly three of them were completely buried in a
glowing stream of molten lava, seething from a nearby
volcano. How many dinosaurs are there left?"
"Well, the three that were buried are left. Because
getting buried by the lava so suddenly, they probably
made great fossils. Scientists and archaeologists
probably could find the whole dinosaur skeletons and
reconstruct them. That is if there weren't any
earthquakes on that place."
By this time I'm ready to throttle him, so we go on
to history.
His face brightens up. I ask him questions about the
biography we read last month. He remembers where Paul
Revere's father was born and his grandfather's French
name. He knows what the Sons of Liberty changed their
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name to, and what was accomplished by the Boston Tea
Party. He remembers how many children Paul Revere had
from each of his two wives and which one of the kids had
smallpox. He knows where the all-important ammunition was
hidden and why Paul Revere changed churches. He even
knows some rudimentary, if theoretical silversmithing. I
could go on...he seems to have photographic memory all of
a sudden.
Back to left brain work: handwriting and keeping his
journal. More tears, spacing out, climbing all over his
chair, etc. He moans, "You're trying to kill me!"
Then to art: he designs 10 new toys for his toy
company (he asked me not to reveal the name of the
company until he has a copyright) while listening to his
favorite tapes, Bette Midler's "Beaches" (I erased the
bawdy songs) and J.C. Chen.
And science: he draws a perfect dodo bird in his
natural habitat from a book, without tracing, and reads
several chapters of "The Great Animal Kingdom Book."
I'm exhausted by one o'clock so I call a halt to
school. My son is so happy that he does his latest
stand-up routine and cracks himself up.
I wearily make him a snack and wonder if I should
start a "Parents of Right Brain Children" support group.
On reflecting about this accident of nature, I often
ponder where I went wrong. But my husband reminds me that
our children are each representatives of all the
different characters of people on earth. God needs all
kinds of people in what will be the lovely Garden of Eden
someday.
And in that Garden, my son will be the one lecturing
on paleontology and running a million dollar toy company
on the side -- just don't ask him what time it is.
...........................................
Claire Bowles and her husband John
live in Oklahoma with their four children.
She is a freelance writer and a gardener.
* * * * * * * *
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Culture Crisis and Youth
.....................................................
[The following is an edited speech given to a group
of civic leaders at the Washington Times, in 1991.]
by Vern T. Jordahl, PhD
We are living on top of a potential earthquake in
Washington and in every major city in America -- a social
and spiritual earthquake. If there is any period in
history when the survival of civilization as we know it
has been more problematic, it is now. Kenneth Boulding,
the distinguished social scientist, has recently written,
"Humanity hangs in the balance."
I know a couple who both work downtown in DC. At the
end of the day they go straight to their fifth floor
apartment, the wife said, and lock themselves in. What
would they see if they stopped to look at the streets?
Drug dealing, murder and suicide. Right now, suicide is
the second most common cause of death among adolescents
in the U.S. Homicide is the first most common cause among
minority males ages 15-19. Why has suicide increased
300%, teenage pregnancies 621%, and teenage murders 232%
since the Second World War? Depression severe enough to
require hospitalization among teenagers has increased
300% in the past 10 years.
Franklin Ford, former dean of Arts and Sciences at
Harvard, says that young people today live in a "value
vacuum". The heart of the problem is a moral and ethical
vacuum that has intentionally and unintentionally drained
values and any sense of morality or ethics right out of
public education. I have taught Philosophy and Ethics on
the college level for the past 20 years at several
universities and colleges and as head of Virginia
College. I presently teach medical ethics to close to 300
nurses per year at the College of Health Sciences in
Virginia. This has given me lots of reading assignments,
but also a real sense of what is going on in the minds of
young people today.
The progressive deterioration of values is more than
obvious. I gave a test at the beginning of the semester
this fall and was appalled at how many failed to know
appropriate definitions of such words as "duty",
"absolute", "integrity", and "honor", just to name a few.
Senator Dan Coats, chairman of the Select Committee
on Children, Youth and the Family, commenting on "Code
Blue", a detailed study of the youth crisis in America,
written by a 1990 commission of educators, doctors,
businessmen, and politicians, concluded the commission's
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findings as follows: "The problem of youth is not illness
or economics. The problem is not childhood disease or
unsanitary slums. The most basic problem is profoundly
destructive behavior -- drugs, drinking, violence and
promiscuity. It is a crisis of behavior and belief, a
crisis of character."
The diagnosis is significant but the commission
didn't seem to know what to do about it. They lamely
prescribed better health care for adolescents. William
Bennett, former Secretary of Education, says this about
this report: "Code Blue identifies a crisis of spirit, a
sickness of the soul, and it recommends aspirins,
bandaids, and hall passes to visit the school nurse!"
What has caused this sickness of soul in America's
brightest hope for the future? There are four
intellectual explosions that have traumatized young minds
and sent permanent shock waves through public education.
They can be briefly enumerated as follows:
1. "The Communist Manifesto" of Karl Marx sent out
shock waves that divided the world and initiated more
than a century of conflict and genocide, after which men
no longer trusted traditional institutions of government.
The world had been violently changed and this generation
of young Americans has been deeply affected.
2. Darwin's "Origin of Species" gave empirical
credibility to man's insatiable drive for power,
competition and the survival of the fittest. This
intellectual theory not only shows that man has no divine
origin and value, but worse, that he has no future or
higher meaning.
3. Freud's work on Psychoanalysis has permanently
traumatized any optimism about the goodness of man's
nature. What was once whispered by intellectuals in
Freud's day is now experienced by school children as a
full blown sexual revolution.
While Marx said man is a victim of the hostile
forces of history and Darwin proclaimed that he is victim
to the hostile forces of the environment, it was left to
Freud to show that man is his own worst enemy, a victim
of the hostile forces within him.
4. Einstein's work on Relativity symbolizes the
fourth intellectual movement. (While the content of his
technical work may be shown to demonstrate otherwise,
including his belief in God) the popular conception of
Einstein is that he challenged fixity (and the
reliability) of the universe and established the
relativity of time and extension. His little understood
work has given cosmic confirmation to the moral and
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intellectual relativism that John Dewey and Horace Mann
had already injected into the fabric of public education
in the name of science.
Each of these intellectual revolutions has brought
about a radical view of ourselves and our world. Any one
of these movements is sufficiently overwhelming and
enough for any single generation to have to digest. It
has been reserved for the present generation to have to
cope with all four of these movements at once.
The outcome of this struggle is still problematic
but I believe that the youth who are the future of
America can be led out of this morass.
Ideas shape our lives whether we are conscious of
them or not, but events have also had an important impact
on the value vacuum in which young people find
themselves. Consider the effect of two decades of
undeclared war in Southeast Asia. No matter how history
judges that event, it created a deep moral trauma in the
minds of Americans, changed the thinking of young people
and brought back with it bitterness and a drug culture
which has now come to full fruition.
It is significant that during the Gulf War, where
drugs and alcohol were not permitted, things were quite
different. Dan Peterson, who was General Schwarzkopf's
chaplain, said that so many thousands of young men and
women turned to God, they had to have chapel services
around the clock. "You could cover the desert sands with
the quantity of bibles they were reading!" We have yet to
feel the impact of these young men and women when they
are fully integrated back into American life.
Non-real, emotionally laden events with which the
media saturates society also profoundly shape the
thinking of the young. It well known that experts now
estimate that the average teenager spends more than 80
hours per month watching television, and witnesses
thousands of murders, acts of violence and sex. A new
film, "The Cook, the Thief, his Wife and her Lover" was
recently reviewed. The opening scene shows the brutal
beating of a naked man who is urinated upon from head to
foot. The last scene shows the main character slicing off
a piece of carefully prepared and elegantly cooked human
corpse in an act of vivid cannabalism.
The New York Times called this film "brilliant".
Time Magazine called it "excellent", "exciting", and
"extraordinary". The film media has truly joined the
celebration of violence and sadism. Is it any wonder that
its revenues are down 30% this past year? Thank God for a
paper like the Washington Times, which is breaking new
moral ground.
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Have you noticed that arrogance usually fills the
vacuum when moral sanctions break down in a society? We
need only look at the events in the U.S. Senate during
the last few weeks. Character assassination, trial by
"mudbath", self-serving "leaks" involving senators and
congressmen who themselves have been implicated in sexual
scandal, corruption and bad check writing only begin the
list. These are elected representatives who consider
themselves above the very laws they create. What is the
impact of this on young men and women who look to this
kind of example for leadership? Where are the guidelines?
Where are the standards? The lines are so blurred that
many have given up.
Are we really so different from the Soviet society
that has crumbled from a world power into factioning
pockets of ethnicity? I talked to several young Russians
in Switzerland this summer at a conference on "The
Family". I asked a journalist from Moscow why Communism
broke down. "They were all liars," he said. "There
standing in front of us were thieves, telling us to be
honest!"
A moral and spiritual revolution is absolutely
essential if families are to be remade and become once
again instruments of God for the strengthening and health
of our nation.
1. First, we must believe that God's heart goes out
to the young people of America, and that with His help we
can do something about it. There is enough power, enough
resources and enough of God's love to solve all of the
problems that young people face today. Our job is to make
it happen.
2. Secondly, we must change if we expect young
people to change and God to work through us. We cannot be
like the hypocrites that those young Russians saw through
or the hypocrites that American children see right
through as well. Our lives must be clean and straight if
we are going to help others.
3. Change does not mean "convert". This must be
emphasized. God's revolution is big enough for everyone.
Our purpose is to help people become better people, more
upright, honest, unselfish and loving, whatever they are.
4. There is no room for bigotry. Is there anything
that grieves the heart of God more than religious hatred
and denominational and political bigotry?
5. One last point about "ideology". Have you noticed
that it is over theological concepts and political
ideologies that people attack each other and argue? No
one complains however, when you give a child a piece of
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bread, pull someone out of a ditch or help someone
overcome an addiction. It is in this wide open field of
raising moral standards and helping one another that we
have our common ground as organizations and churches.
......................................
Dr. Jordahl is an Ethics Professor, a
Pastor, and a Retired Army Chaplain,
living in Roanoke, Virginia
* * * * * * * *
Appreciating Our Loved Ones
.............................
by Victoria Clevenger
So many silly things keep us from being happy during
each moment with the ones we say we love.
A teenage girl lost her temper with her
seven-year-old brother Timmy when she found him looking
at her lipstick, even though he was being very careful.
He tried apologizing several times, yet she continued to
be cold and cutting, to ...
"make sure he learned his
lesson... But as I hurried out the
door to school, something about the
sadness in his eyes brought a guilty
feeling, and I remember thinking,
`I'll make it up to him later.' That
was my trouble. I was always in too
much of a hurry to get close to
him... and I could have made time so
easily."
The next time she saw him, he was lying under a
white sheet, dead from a bike accident on his way home
from school.
She wept for days, remembering all the kind things
he had done for her. If only she had one more chance...
"...if I could just talk with
him for five minutes... And when he
would ask me, `Are you still mad at
me?' with his brown eyes studying my
face, I would take him in my arms and
say, `No, my darling, I'm not mad
anymore, and I'll never be mad at you
again.'" *
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My mother died of cancer when I was 20. Even worse
than the sense of loss was the wrenching regret that I
hadn't really conveyed how much I loved and appreciated
her, not as a teen nor during the process of her dying. I
remembered being resentful more than being kind - normal
for a teen, I guess, though certainly not desirable.
After her death, I became much more mindful of treasuring
the person and the moment, but I still forget too often.
In "A Sacred Dying", Barry "Bears" Kaufman
chronicles the true experience of a family dealing with
the 39-year-old mother who is dying of cancer. The
father, son, daughter -- and mother -- are trapped in a
lonely yet common pattern of denial and painful silence.
Then Sam, the 17-year-old son, begins long walks and
talks with Bears and learns how to transform his family's
last days with his mother into a time of closeness and
intimacy they never experienced before. With courage
gained from Bears gently helping him confront his fears,
Sam comes to his mother to talk ...
"about how I feel and you feel
and what we both think. That kind of
stuff." "I think I'd like that," his
mother asserted. "Before, when you
asked me what it feels like, there's
one thing I didn't tell you. It can
get very lonely being sick because
everyone's afraid of talking about
it. Even the person who's sick ..."
Fears, irritations, hurryings -- these pollute our
appreciation of loved ones. In this book, and in others
(e.g. "Happiness is a Choice"), Kaufman shares from a
deep source of emotional intelligence about how to make
love and happiness tangible and useful, even while
someone we love is dying. Living in such a way can help
prevent the "if only's", and the addictions and abuses
that blight our lives because we are starved for the
simple joy of warm human interactions.
* From "If Only," Anonymous, "The Art of Loving
Well", published by Boston University.
................................................
Victoria Clevenger lives in Seattle, Washington
and is the Editor and Publisher of "HeartWing",
a family oriented newsletter. You can email her your
insights and experiences at "hrtwing@pacifier.com,
or write to: 12715 NE 7th Place, Vancouver, WA 98684
* * * * * * * *
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Developing the Musical Child
- In Every Child -
Part 2
..............................
by Greta Ward
INFORMAL PARTICIPATION
**********************
Music is not for ears alone; it is a full-body
experience. To encourage your child's natural inclination
to sing along and move to the sounds, try some of the
following ideas:
1. Do finger-play songs together. These are easy to
learn, enjoyable to do, and ever so helpful in the
development of manual dexterity. They are also invaluable
while waiting in long lines in busy offices. Check the
children's room at your library for a complete selection.
Three standards on the toddler circuit are these: "Eye
Winker, Tom Tinker, Chin Chopper: Fifty Musical
Fingerplays" by Tom Glazer (Doubleday, 1973); "Finger
Frolics: Finger Plays for Young Children" compiled by Liz
Cromwell, Dixie Hibner, and John Faitel (Gryphon House,
1983); and "Fingerplays" by Marion Grayson (Robert B.
Luce, 1969).
2. Move to music together. Bend, sway, jump, and
twirl around to your favorite recordings, Much of Hap
Palmer's work is specifically geared to body movement,
and children love his mellow, easy to follow style. Look
for Palmer's "Getting to Know Myself", "Creative Movement
and Rhythmic Expression", "Sally the Snake", and
"Learning Basic Skills Through Music" (vol. 1), all of
which appear on the Educational Activities label.
3. Form a family rhythm band. Triangles,
tambourines, castanets, small xylophones, finger cymbals,
maracas, and drums of all sorts are definitely worth
having around the house, Ask grandparents to give rhythm
instruments as gifts, or split the cost with another
family and trade them back and forth. Then create a
family band, and encourage free improvisation.
4. Dance with your children. Also let them "perform"
for you - in outlandish outfits fashioned from yard sale
remnants. And be sure to take the children to a ballet or
a family contra dance session.
5. Give your children folk instruments of their own.
Although an array of plastic instruments can be found in
toy stores, traditional folk instruments such as
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The HeartThread Journal Page 14
autoharps, ukuleles or small guitars, wooden flutes or
recorders, dulcimers, and kalimbas (thumb pianos) are
just as easy to learn to play, and often much more
rewarding. [For sources, see "For More Information."]
Children play for real on instruments that are for real,
whereas "pretend" instruments just don't sound or feel as
inspiring.
FORMAL PARTICIPATION
********************
The third level of involvement is music lessons.
Enrollment, though, is not the best option for every
child. For example, you may prefer to invest your money,
time and energy in athletics, dance, or second-language
studies for your child. If so, keep music appreciation at
the informal level. Young children can lose their
enthusiasm when they are lessoned to death. And busy
parents lose much of their enthusiasm when their energy
is widely dispersed.
Music lessons require a family commitment. And
because they do, they provide an enjoyable and rewarding
experience for the entire family. Children feel proud of
their accomplishments as they learn to play an
instrument. Later, with proficiency, comes self-esteem.
Parents today have the option of choosing between
traditional music lessons and a variety of recently
developed techniques. The Suzuki Method, for instance, is
an instructional approach designed specifically for young
children. Dr. Suzuki's ingenious program, incorporating
both games and an understanding of early childhood
development, is based on two main points. One is that
music development can be encouraged in the same way that
language development is encouraged: through listening
immersion and expansion into skills, all of which are
explored within the nurturing framework of the
parent-child relationship. The second point is that the
skills for each instrument can be broken down into
several components - among them, posture, fingering, and
note reading - each of which is taught separately,
reinforced, then combined gradually with the other
components.
Some parents choose music lessons for their children
because they themselves never had them and wish they had.
Other parents choose lessons because they did have them
and spent some memorable times playing music. Those
familiar with the intensity that flows through an
orchestra playing a Beethoven symphony, or with the
lively give and take of a Haydn string quartet, or with
the sheer fun of playing show tunes for musicals or of
improvising at a folk festival, want to open doors to the
same kinds of experiences for their children.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The HeartThread Journal Page 15
Yes, music can drive parents to distraction.
Especially the endless repetition of a child's favorite
tune. But it can expand upon basic intellectual ability
and body movement. It helps develop self-confidence,
creativity, and personal satisfaction. Simply said, music
goes a long way toward developing a child's potential as
a human being. Tune up your child's love of music, choose
your level of involvement, and head for euphony. Music is
one sure way to resolve discord and restore harmony - at
home and in the world.
FOR MORE INFORMATION
********************
Alcazar / PO Box 429 Waterbury, VT 05676 /
800-541-9904. Call or write to request a great catalog of
recordings, books, and music videos for children.
Andy's Front Hall / PO Box 307 Voorheesville, NY
12186. For information: 518-765-4193. For catalogs:
800-759-1775. Call or write for a comprehensive folk
music catalog with recordings, books, and instruments for
both children and adults.
Music for Little People / PO Box 1460 Redway, CA
95560 / 800-346-4445. Offers a good selection of
children's recordings, music videos, children's
instruments, costumes, computer software and kidproof
tape recorders. Call for a free catalog.
Suzuki Association of the Americas / PO Box 17310
Boulder, CO 80308 / 303-444-0948. Call or write for
information on the Suzuki method of music instruction, or
for a listing of local teachers trained in this approach.
.................................
Greta Ward lives in Wakefield, MA
* * * * * * * *
My Assignment, Please
.......................
by Olga S. Hardman
O, God,
Let me be teachable today.
Open my heart to kindness;
Open my mind to wisdom.
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The HeartThread Journal Page 16
Let love be manifest in the world through me.
Master Teacher, help me to know my assignment for this day --
And grant me the grace to carry it out.
I am aware of all your gifts to me
And I thank you for my many blessings, especially:
My parents and grandparents,
My children and grandchildren,
My talent for words, teaching, and music,
My faith, my friends, my home,
And all of my senses which allow me to perceive
The beauty and loveliness of Your world.
Let your blessing be on all whom I love
And that I cherish.
.....................................
Olga S. Hardman is a writer
and a retired music supervisor
for the West Virginia school system
* * * * * * * *
Reflections on the Rails
..........................
by Richard R. Radtke
Two silver rails, set straight and clean, reaching
into the distance, the sun shimmering on their polished
surface as it slowly makes its journey below the horizon.
The ever-deepening darkness creeping onward, and the wind
silently rustling the boughs of the trees around us. In
the distance a dog howls, and lights flicker on the
horizon. My brother and I share this moment of beauty
together, no words between us as the dark night creeps
over us. We stand silently, each in our own far off
place, but yet only inches between us as we stare, trying
to see that distant point, that seems just out of sight,
where the two rails meet. We both know, even as we stare,
they don't meet and they never will. Rather, side by
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The HeartThread Journal Page 17
side, they run along forever, each one knowing the other,
each one depending on the other to give it the support to
carry out their combined purposes. They both run on --
straight and true, shining in the last dying rays of
sunlight.
After a time, my brother speaks. "There sits a
truth, you know, you have to keep on the track, go
straight and go on, don't stop. There will be times you
will want to take the detour or rest at the siding, but
life isn't like that -- you have to stay on the main line
to get anywhere." I nod my head in reflective
fourteen-year-old agreement at the wisdom contained
within his statement, as we both turn and slowly make our
way into the house, leaving the two moonlight rails
behind us.
As the years have gone by, I find that when I am
faced with a problem, that night outside with my brother
and the rails comes back into my mind. Am I taking a
detour? Am I sitting on the siding? Or am I still on the
main line? Over the years I suppose I have taken quite a
few of the detours. I know I have sat on the siding, but
so far I have always managed to find my way back to the
main line. I even wonder, time to time, if the rails are
still there. Are they still straight and true? Do they
still shine with a glistening gleam in the moonlight? Not
that it matters, because they will always be in my
memory. More important is that my brother is still here
and I know that when I need him he will be there, the
support that carries one on, through the place we call
life.
.......................................
Richard R. Radtke is a dad and a writer
* * * * * * * *
The Movie Mom's Guide
to Movies and Videos for Families
...................................
by Nell Minow
Reviews for parents of the best of current films and
old movies available on video and cable, by Nell Minow,
author, film critic, and mother. Reviews [on the Movie
Mom web page, see address below] will be updated each
week with recommendations and replies to questions about
movies on special topics, suitability of particular
movies for children, and movie trivia -- try to stump me!
I'd also love your suggestions for a new book on movies
for families. The best kids' comments I receive will be
published.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The HeartThread Journal Page 18
RECOMMENDED
***********
Flipper
.......
This movie version of the old TV show reminds me of
the punchline of the old joke: "I know what I have to do;
I'm just trying to figure out how to make it
interesting." For anyone who has seen "Free Willy," (or
even "Lassie," or any other kid and animal movie ever
made) there are no surprises here. Aside from that, it is
a perfectly pleasant family movie, with not too much
scary stuff, first-rate actors (Elijah Wood as the sullen
teenager and Paul "Crocodile Dundee" Hogan as his aging
hippie uncle), an exceptionally endearing dolphin
(portrayed by three different dolphins and a mechanical
replica), beautiful photography, and a satisfyingly
loathsome bad guy (not only does he have a shiny, fancy
boat, but he shoots dolphins, dumps toxic waste into the
water, and is willing to kill a kid.)
Wood is the sullen teen, Sandy, dumped on his uncle
while his mother copes with a divorce. When he makes
friends with Flipper (and with a pretty local girl), he
begins to feel less sorry for himself and becomes more
responsible. Hogan, whose idea of hospitality is bread
toasted with a butane flame, begins to think about
whether his commitment-free lifestyle could use some
improvement. His girlfriend, a marine biologist, has a
mechanical genius son who won't talk, but finally is
willing to say, "Flipper."
Kids may want to talk about the way Sandy feels,
being sent to stay with his uncle, and about how to help
the dolphins and prevent pollution (there is an 800
number at the end of the movie.)
For my list of the best movies for families, see "A
Practical Guide to Practically Everything", published by
Random House.
...........................................
Nell Minow writes the Movie Mom's Guide,
on the World Wide Web at:
http://pages.prodigy.com/moviemom/moviemom.html
"Movie Mom" is a trademark of Nell Minow
* * * * * * * *
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The HeartThread Journal Page 19
Mother Linda's Rhubarb-Strawberry Crunch
..........................................
by Linda Forristal
6 cups chopped rhubarb
4 cups sliced strawberries
1 1/4 cups sugar
1 1/2 cups spelt
1 1/2 cups Sucanat
1 1/2 cups oatmeal
1/2 tsp. baking powder
3/4 cup butter, melted
Mix rhubarb, strawberries, and sugar until the fruit
is well coated. Pour into the bottom of a greased
9x13 inch baking dish. Set aside.
Mix spelt, Sucanat, oatmeal, and baking powder well.
Add melted butter and mix until all the dry ingredients
are moistened. Pour over the top of the fruit; pat down
slightly. Bake at 350 degrees for approximately one hour.
If the berries are especially juicy, it might take a
little longer.
.................................
Linda Forristal is the author of
"Ode to Sucanat: The First Sucanat Cookbook"
* * * * * * * *
- HeartQuestions -
Questions & Reflections about
Marriage, Parenting & Family Issues
-------------------------------------
The Eternal Castle of True Love
.................................
by Peter F. Brown
When I was a young child, one of my favorite
activities was to snuggle up in a soft, friendly chair
near a window and read story after story from one of the
many volumes of classic fairy tales that I found at our
local library. I enjoyed many of the typical "boy"
stories -- tales about knights and dragons and adventures
-- but one type of story impressed me the most. I have an
indelible memory of an image of a castle far off on the
horizon, surrounded by white clouds and magnificent
trees, with pennants whipped by the mountain wind.
Standing on the parapet are a man and woman -- a prince
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The HeartThread Journal Page 20
and princess, holding hands and smiling. They've found
"true love", and their story never ends, for they will
live "happily ever after."
This, I thought to myself, was something I wanted.
I believe that many people would consider that
vision attractive. The idea that we can find ourselves,
someday in the future, holding hands with our husband or
wife, knowing that the love between us will continue
forever and that we will live happily ever after, is a
dream that tugs at the deepest part of our hearts. Even
today, in an age when many people have become cynical
about marriage, hope has not been entirely abandoned.
Otherwise, no one would get married at all.
I like to think that the prince and princess were
standing on the wall of not just any castle, but their
very own "castle of true love" -- an environment that
surrounded them and buoyed them with the security of
home. The big question for me was, "how does one obtain
such a castle?" (They're not listed in the Yellow Pages.
I already looked.)
I've reached the conclusion that the castle of true
love must be built, brick by brick. The unique aspect of
this type of castle is that no one else can build it for
us. It's built with every kind deed or word, every smile,
every hug, every repentful tear -- every ounce of
unselfish love that the husband and wife give to each
other. Wonderfully large castles take a long time to
build, sometimes at the cost of great suffering. One
might say that castles of true love are sometimes built
"brick by *bloody* brick."
Why can't we just "fall in love" and suddenly find
ourselves ensconced in our castle? It is definitely true
that people do "fall in love." Their eyes meet, across
the room, and boom -- they're married. Emotions are
powerful, there's no denying that. The issue really isn't
whether couples love each other at the outset -- although
that is indeed very nice. The real issue is how to
maintain and build upon that love -- to turn an initial
emotional attraction into a burning, roaring furnace of
stellar quality love that will last literally forever.
Forever? Happily ever after? What about "'till death
do us part?" I believe that unselfish (and therefore
"true" love) didn't haphazardly evolve from inanimate
rocks and dust. It's illogical to think that the
powerful, invisible, boundlessly creative force of
unselfish love could have sprung from anything other than
a creative being. Let us assume then, that God not only
created love itself, but the very concept of loving one's
spouse in marriage.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The HeartThread Journal Page 21
A vital aspect of our love is that we want it to
continue forever. When a person whom we love dies, we
grieve, because we want to continue loving them -- we
want to be with them, more and more. It's also not
logical to think that the God who created limitless love
created it to terminate at the end of our physical lives.
That would be cruel. It makes sense to assume that God's
original desire would be that husbands and wives love
each other forever, continuing on after their physical
deaths, and expanding their love for each other
eternally, in the "spiritual world."
It may not be popular or common to state that true
love comes from God and that true love was created to
continue for eternity in the spiritual world -- but these
points certainly aren't negative factors when one
examines the prospects of marriage. The idea that
marriage can be eternal, and not simply "'till death do
us part" is an exciting, joyous concept that entirely
changes the way that we think about marriage.
Theology complicates matters here, for there are
many different views about where "fallen man" actually
goes after death. For the sake of this discussion let's
limit our range to the ideal situation that both God and
humankind would prefer to see happen. Let's use the
"heartistic logic" that God is a loving Creator and would
like the love of a husband and wife to continue forever.
This viewpoint also rests upon the premise that love is
an immutable, eternally attractive force that everyone
wants to experience.
The knowledge that we marry "for eternity" creates a
tremendous change in our perspective about our
relationship with our spouse. The subsequent commitment
to stay married for eternity helps one develop long-range
patience when difficulties in the relationship arise.
Difficulties are inevitable, aren't they? Why do married
couples struggle so much, even though they may have loved
each other deeply in the beginning?
We are waylaid by our own selfish, corrupted
natures, and by our wretchedly inadequate capacity to
love others. Are these words too strong? Not if we
compare our quality of love to what it should be.
Naturally, this viewpoint requires humility and
repentance -- which are hard to muster up. Arrogance is
horribly sneaky, and it's very easy to blame our spouse
for all of our marital difficulties. "If only he ... (or
she) loved more... ." It's true. He or she does need to
love more. But what about me? Have I really, really,
really loved enough? Determining, with repentance, to
love more will liberate us, and stimulate us to improve
our relationship with our spouse.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The HeartThread Journal Page 22
Although our spouse may, at certain times, inflict
suffering upon us (or vice versa), our own commitment to
love our spouse has amazing power. Love is like magic.
When we express beautiful, unselfish concern, care and
love for someone, and serve them with the same heart, the
other person can't escape the impact of our love. The
person may ignore it, or try to run away from it, but if
we give our love to the other person endlessly, without
limitation, the object of our love will inevitably
respond. Why? Because ultimately, everyone wants to be
loved, and to love in return. That one fact should give
us unlimited confidence in the power of unselfish love.
After fourteen years of marriage to my wonderful wife, I
can see the walls of our castle rising around us, built
by our mutual commitment and effort.
When we're at the ground level of our castle of true
love, and we've just been hit by a falling brick, it may
be difficult to look into the future. We always have a
choice. We can stop building, and walk away,
relinquishing our castle, or we can determine to love our
spouse "beyond death", beyond any limitation or boundary,
for 1,000 years into the future (and more) until we and
our spouse have the most beautiful, magnificent,
delightful relationship of true love in the universe. At
that moment, I believe that the husband and wife will
have become so close in heart that their relationship
will be unbreakable and eternal. We will be a prince and
princess, gazing out over a beautiful realm of heart that
will continue forever.
........................................................
Peter F. Brown is the author of the book,
"Striving for Parental Love" and lives in
Virginia Beach, VA with his wife Kim and their
four children, Tymon, Thea Grace, Ranin and Tadin
HeartQuestions is published as a weekly column on
The HeartThread Resource Page at:
"http://futurerealm.com"
Send your questions by email to:
"peterbrown@futurerealm.com"
* * * * * * * *
Anatomy of a Nickname
.......................
by Kim Korman Brown
My brother was dubbed "Pud" when he was a baby. Both
of my parents have passed on, so I can't ask them where
they came up with that doozy of a nickname. His given
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The HeartThread Journal Page 23
name is Fenton, and he is the third Fenton in a line of
Fentons. He never liked his name. In high school he
called himself Baron Von Stompinboots, and later, he
became Dutch. I don't know where that came from either,
but now as he pushes the golden age of 50, he remains
Dutch.
We live in Virginia and I have noticed since we've
lived here that many of the politicians have nicknames.
Driving along country roads in Virginia, you see campaign
posters that read something like: Billy Bob "Lard-Boy"
Horseknuckles for Dogcatcher; Clarence "Ringworm"
Foggybottom for Tax Sniffer; or Lurlene "Tickly" Buford
for Hog Inspector.
I have often wondered where such nicknames come
from. In my family we have a few odd little names that
emerged as I was singing my children to sleep, or bathing
them or diapering their bums. Tymon became, "Tymony Boo",
(or Tymony Boop de Boo) which is sung to the tune of
"Winnie the Pooh". Gracie was "Gracie Gumdrop" and later
became "Gracie Goobadee" which turned into a little
jingle that goes "Gracie Gracie Gracie Goobadee, Scoobie
Scoobie Scoobie doobadee". (I love a song with deep
lyrics.) Ranin became "Raney Rooney" -- "He's a little
Raney Rooney, and he's such a little cutie pie; He's the
apple of my eye; He's a little Raney Rooney pie -- Chubby
bump bump bump." (He was also known as the "Chubby Bump"
or "My little Egg-Shaped Boy".) Tadin has been called
"Tadey Toodle" (or "Toody Loo") which transformed into a
song that goes: "Tadey Toodle like a noodle, Tadey Toodle
deedle doodle."
At the ripe old age of two and a half, Tadin has
started talking. Except for me, he's renamed everyone in
our house. I'm "Mama", but Tymon is "Deebah", Gracie is
"Dada", Ranin is "Ray-ay" and he called himself, "Weh."
Curious as these names are, the most peculiar is that he
calls his daddy, "Weo."
Peter says to him everyday, "What's my name?" Tadin
smiles up at him and says, "Weo." Peter says to him, "I'm
not Weo. My name is Daddy! What's my name?" And Tadin,
grinning because he knows it's not the right name, but
now a family joke, says, "Weo."
So Peter started calling him "Son of Weo." And I
took that further to, "Big Weo" and "Little Weo." Now
Peter calls him, "Little Wee." If we were Scottish, he'd
become "Wee Wee". Where does it stop?
I imagine Tadin grown up, the father of five
children, the husband of a lovely wife, the founder of a
thriving business. He gets the inspiration to run for
Congress. There it is, on all the campaign posters; Tadin
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The HeartThread Journal Page 24
"Little Wee" Brown. Can the public have faith in a
candidate with a name like that?
Peter might run for office in the future, so I
suggested to him that we give him a commanding nickname
that would bring him respect in Virginia, like: "Buck" or
"Pete Doggy Dog". Then Tadin could become "Little Buck"
or "Little Doggy Dog". Peter responded by offering to
give me a nickname like "Puddin'head" or something
equally dignified.
Oh well. Now I'm thinking of changing Tadin's
nickname to "Rambo" or "T-Rex". Anything will be more
merciful than forcing him to spend his entire adulthood
living down a name like "Little Wee."
........................................
Kim Korman Brown is a writer and a Mom,
living in Virginia Beach, Virginia
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The HeartThread Journal Page 25
The HeartThread Resource Guide
- Resources for Couples, Parents & Families -
...............................................
If you have any books, products, services, seminars,
or other helpful items that you would like us
to mention in this space, please email us at
"peterbrown@futurerealm.com".
Ad spaces are 23 character wide x 18 lines long.
Submissions should be formatted correctly and emailed.
This advertising space is FREE for a limited time.
Items do not have to fall within specific categories,
but we do reserve the right to selectively approve
any and all advertisements.
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The HeartThread Journal Page 26
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| "Striving for Parental | "The HeartThread | High Quality Websites |
| Love - A Practical | Seminar" on Marriage, | for Businesses and |
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The HeartThread Journal Page 27