The HeartThread Journal - April, 1996 Issue
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* The HeartThread Journal *
- The Journal of
Marriage,
Parenting &
International Family Traditions -
----------------------------------
Vol. 1, No. 4
April 30, 1996
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Published by FutureRealm Productions
* The HeartThread Journal *
- The Journal of Marriage, Parenting & International Family Traditions -
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Vol. 1, No. 4 April 30, 1996
"To promote and encourage the 'thread' of unselfish heart and love
that invisibly connects husbands and wives, parents and children,
and brothers and sisters."
------------------------------
From the Editor
...............
The HeartThread Journal is growing and growing each
month -- we've got readers in Russia, China, Canada,
South Africa, England, and many other countries. In a
little over three months our subscriptions have increased
to 225 readers. Although one can't compare this to some
of the computer newsletters on the Internet, which reach
hundreds of thousands, I'm delighted with the amount of
readers that we're reaching in such a short time.
The HTJ is definitely a niche publication. I do hope
to make it a truly international publication (at least as
far as English can carry it, until we get calls to
translate it in the future.) As a journal that attempts
to cover aspects of "international family traditions" I
think that it will prove to be a valuable resource for
parents and couples who want to learn from other cultures
and traditions.
In this issue, we take a look at the historical
roots of family life in the Far East, first with a series
of excerpts about 19th century Japanese family life, then
with brief quotations about family life from the
teachings of Confucius. To a great extent, Confucius
provided the philosophical and ethical underpinnings of
family life in China, Japan, Korea and other countries in
the Orient. It's useful to examine these ethical roots in
order to gain an appreciation for the extremely strong
family- centered cultures in those countries.
On the lighter side, we've included advice from one
of the founders of modern Western etiquette, Erasmus of
Rotterdam, about the correct deportment of children in
polite society. When your children are acting up at the
dinner table, read them what Erasmus had to say way back
in 1530 -- and then ask yourself if children have changed
that much after all! I wonder about our four ...
Peter F. Brown
Editor & Publisher
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TABLE OF CONTENTS
* From the Editor, Peter F. Brown ......................1
* On Civility in Children, by Erasmus of Rotterdam .....5
- Selected advice on children's etiquette -
* The Surrender of Fort Fearless,
by Richard R. Radtke .................................6
* Peeps, by Olga S. Hardman ............................7
* Parent-Child Relationships in 19th Century Japan .....8
- Excerpts from "Unbeaten Tracks in Japan", by
Isabella Bird, published in 1880 -
* Family Relationships in Confucian Ethics ............10
- Excerpts from the Teachings of Confucius about
Family Relationships & Filial Piety -
* Developing the Musical Child - In Every Child,
by Greta Ward - Part 1 ..............................12
* The Movie Mom's Guide to Movies
and Videos for Families, by Nell Minow ..............16
(Review of James and the Giant Peach, and
Oliver and Company)
* Mother Linda's Bulgarian Apple Torte ................18
* HeartQuestions / Questions & Reflections
about Marriage, Parenting & Family Issues
by Peter F. Brown ...................................18
[Unselfish Love: The Engine that Drives
Successful Marriages and Families]
* The Nest on Tymon's Head, by Kim Korman Brown .......22
* The HeartThread Resource Guide:
Resources for Couples, Parents & Families ...........25
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The HeartThread Journal Page 2
The HeartThread Journal
is published by FutureRealm Productions
Publisher and Editor - Peter F. Brown
Co-Publisher - Kim Korman Brown
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Visit our web page, "The HeartThread Resource Page", at:
"http://futurerealm.com"
or email us at: "peterbrown@futurerealm.com"
You can mail us at:
FutureRealm Productions
P.O. Box 4131
Virginia Beach, VA 23454 / USA
or you can call us at: (804) 468-6848
or fax us at: (804) 468-6461
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Free subscribers will be notified when this happens,
and will be offered a regular subscription.
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WRITERS ARE ALWAYS NEEDED
*************************
If you want to write for The HeartThread Journal,
we will be happy to review your article, column or story.
Please review our "Writers Guidelines" on our web page,
and email us your proposal or actual work.
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The HeartThread Journal Page 3
ADVERTISING INFORMATION
***********************
Advertising products or services of value or interest
to parents, couples or families is encouraged.
Brief textual advertisements will appear in the
"HeartThread Resource Guide" at the end of this journal.
For a limited time, advertisements will be FREE.
When this special advertising promotion ends,
advertising rates will be published.
FREE ADVERTISING FOR AUTHORS
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All authors receive FREE advertising space in
the issue that their article or column appears.
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COPYRIGHT INFORMATION
*********************
All materials contained herein are
(C) Copyright 1996 by FutureRealm Productions
except for individual articles and columns,
which are Copyrighted by their respective authors.
Individual authors retain all rights to their articles,
unless otherwise specified.
All Rights Reserved Worldwide.
No part of this journal may be used or reproduced
in any manner whatsoever without
written permission from the publisher,
or the individual authors
(in the case of their articles or columns),
except in cases of brief quotations
embodied in articles and reviews.
Opinions expressed by writers in The HeartThread Journal
are not necessarily those of FutureRealm Productions.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
*********************
Readers wishing to submit a letter should email it to:
"peterbrown@futurerealm.com"
or send it by regular mail to the above address.
Letters may be edited for grammar or length.
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The HeartThread Journal Page 4
On Civility in Children
.............................................
- Selected advice on children's etiquette -
(published in 1530)
by Erasmus of Rotterdam
Some people put their hands in the dishes the moment
they have sat down. Wolves do that...
If you cannot swallow a piece of food, turn round
discreetly and throw it somewhere.
To lick greasy fingers or to wipe them on your coat
is impolite. It is better to use the tablecloth or the
serviette.
Do not be the first to touch the dish that has been
brought in, not only because this shows you greedy, but
also because it is dangerous. For someone who puts
something hot into his mouth unawares must either spit it
out or, if he swallows it, burn his throat. In either
case he is as ridiculous as he is pitiable.
You should not offer your handkerchief to anyone
unless it has been freshly washed. Nor is it seemly,
after wiping your nose, to spread out your handkerchief
and peer into it as if pearls and rubies might have
fallen out of your head.
... And from a text on etiquette by C. Calviac (based
heavily on Erasmus ...
The child should not gnaw bones indecently, as
dogs do.
It is a far too dirty thing for a child to offer
others something he has gnawed, or something he
disdains to eat himself, unless it be to his servant.
................................................
Erasmus of Rotterdam was a Christian philosopher
and educator and a great classical scholar of
the northern Humanist Renaissance
"On Civility in Children" made a tremendous impact
and was reprinted many, many times.
* * * * * * * *
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The Surrender of Fort Fearless
................................
by Richard R. Radtke
The old wooden fort stood in the corner of the yard,
a monument of sorts to childhood's passing. It stood
forgotten and alone, decaying day by day, but somehow
proud. I could remember the summer my father built it. He
cut and nailed each board with a loving hand, and boasted
how it would last long after he was gone. Sadly, he was
right.
The old fort held many memories between its battered
walls and fallen roof. There were countless nights that
friends and I had camped out under its roof and spent the
night talking of the things that children do; school and
ghosts and dreams that may or may not have come to pass
in the days since then. In the long hot days of summer
the Fort was the place where all the children of the
neighborhood gathered, and drank tall, ice filled glasses
of Kool-aid, with beads of water glistening as they
trickled down the sides of the glasses in the heat.
It was there that my sister and her friends played
house with their dolls -- but to myself and the other
boys of the neighborhood it was Fort Fearless. In our
minds its battered walls reached high into the sky and
from its ramparts we would save the world day after day.
How many desperate battles we fought there, throughout
the days of our childhood, with our imaginations
conjuring up war-whooping Indians circling around us,
their painted ponies at a gallop, the air thick with dust
and Indian arrows thudding into the walls of our fort.
Or perhaps the German Army approached our walls,
their Panzers firing on the move, with tank sprockets
squealing as they swerved back and forth in their
advance, and the smell of diesel heavy in the air. Yet, I
did not remember the fort ever being overrun.
The flagpole, from which our standard always proudly
snapped in the wind, was gone, perhaps shattered into
pieces by an imaginary cannon shell bursting close by,
but more likely it was gone simply because of age and
neglect. No longer did children play there. We were all
grown now, and all lived far from home. The fort built so
long ago still stood in the corner of the yard, waiting
for the children who would never come, who would never
play there anymore.
My brother and I dismantled the fort one day, at our
mother's request. I believe we each felt as though we
were doing something sacreligious each time we pulled a
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nail or a board from the walls of the fort. It was the
right thing to do, of course, as the years of neglect had
rendered the fort unfit for use. The wood on the floor
was rotten with age, and one side of the roof had fallen
in, during some forgotten winter. Yet the hidden children
that lived within my brother and I were crying and
screaming at each of us as we worked our mission of
destruction. By that evening the fort which had never
fallen in a single childhood imaginary battle, had
surrendered itself to the adult's hammer and crowbar.
I remember thinking then, as I gazed at the pile of
broken wood and childhood dreams, that when I had
children of my own, there would be a new Fort Fearless
for them to play in, and perhaps, just perhaps, the child
within me would forgive me then.
.......................................
Richard R. Radtke is a dad and a writer
* * * * * * * *
Peeps
.......
by Olga S. Hardman
As he cared for the newly hatched chickens, I
usually sat on a small green stool near the furnace and
watched. Father went about quietly putting the mash in
the trough, adding fresh water to the bottle, and
checking the electrical equipment in the incubator. I can
remember so well the feeling of security and warmth I
always had there. It was warmth that came from the
incubator, the brooder, and the adjacent coal furnace, as
well as from the love of this man who was my father.
Through these experiences in the basement, I learned
the meaning of the word gentleman. My father was indeed a
gentle man. As he placed the eggs on the shelves in the
incubator, he cradled each one with great care. His hands
were large and his muscles strong from years of
practicing his trade as a glass cutter. With only slight
pressure, he could easily have cracked the precious eggs.
I watched with awe as each little chick pecked its
way out of the shell when the time came. As each small,
wet, wormy-like chick dried off and became a beautiful,
bright yellow ball of fluff, shivers of delight went up
my spine. Daddy showed me how to cradle the "peeps" in
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the cup of my hand so that I would not harm them. Their
chirps filled me with unbridled joy.
Oh, that all children might be blessed with such a
father who could show the beauty of life and love through
his own respect for and devotion to all living things.
What a priceless gift!
.........................................
Olga S. Hardman is a writer and a retired
music supervisor for the West Virginia school system
* * * * * * * *
Parent-Child Relationships in 19th Century Japan
..................................................
- Excerpts from "Unbeaten Tracks in Japan" -
first published in 1880
by Isabella Bird
(Editor's Note)
(Isabella Bird was born in Cheshire England, the
daughter of a clergyman. She traveled extensively around
the world, eventually going to Japan where she spent
several months in 1878. At that time she was a single
woman in her mid-forties. She wrote long, detailed
letters to her sister Henrietta about her travels that
were later published in book form.
The following excerpts are from her observations
about both the 19th century Japanese, and the "Ainos"
(Ainus), the original inhabitants of the island of
Hokkaido who were gradually absorbed into the Japanese
culture.
Although these writings are over 100 years old, and
are influenced by the English culture of Bird's time,
they serve to illustrate how old and deeply embedded the
family traditions in Japan have been -- providing the
foundation for today's family structure in Japan.)
-------------
Letter XXVIII
I am very fond of Japanese children. I have never
yet heard a baby cry, and I have never seen a child
troublesome or disobedient. Filial piety is the leading
virtue in Japan, and unquestioning obedience is the habit
of centuries. The arts and threats by which English
mothers cajole or frighten children into unwilling
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obedience appear unknown. I admire the way in which
children are taught to be independent in their
amusements. Part of the home education is the learning of
the rules of different games, which are absolute, and
when there is a doubt, instead of quarrelsome suspension
of the game, the fiat of a senior child decides the
matter. They play by themselves and don't bother adults
at every turn. I usually carry sweeties with me, and give
them to the children, but not one has ever received them
without first obtaining permission from the father or
mother. When that is gained they smile and bow
profoundly, and hand the sweeties to those present before
eating any themselves. They are gentle creatures, but too
formal and precocious.
-------------
There are twelve children in this yadoya, and after
dark they regularly play at a game which Ito says, "is
played in the winter in every house in Japan". The
children sit in a circle, and the adults look on eagerly,
child-worship being more common in Japan than in America,
and, to my thinking, the Japanese form is the best.
Letter XXXVI
The Ainos have two meals a day, and their breakfast
was a repetition of the previous night's supper. We all
ate together, and I gave the children the remains of my
rice, and it was most amusing to see little creatures of
three, four, and five years old, with no other clothing
than a piece of pewter hanging round their necks, first
formally asking leave of the parents before taking the
rice, and then waving their hands. The obedience of the
children is instantaneous. Their parents are more
demonstrative in their affection than the Japanese are,
caressing them a good deal, and two of the men are
devoted to children who are not their own. These little
ones are as grave and dignified as Japanese children, and
are very gentle.
-------------
Letter XXXVII
[among the Ainus]
Implicit and prompt obedience is required from
infancy; and from a very early age the children are
utilised by being made to fetch and carry and go on
messages. I have seen children apparently not more than
two years old sent for wood; and even at this age they
are so thoroughly trained in the observances of etiquette
that babies just able to walk never toddle into or out of
this house without formal salutations to each person
within it, the mother alone excepted...
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Their manners to their parents are very
affectionate. Even to-day, in the chief's awe-inspiring
presence, one dear little nude creature, who had been
sitting quietly for two hours staring into the fire with
her big brown eyes, rushed to meet her mother when she
entered, and threw her arms round her, to which the woman
responded by a look of true maternal tenderness and a
kiss. These little creatures, in the absolute
unconsciousness of innocence, with their beautiful faces,
olive-tinted bodies -- all the darker, sad to say, from
dirt -- their perfect docility, and absence of prying
curiosity, are very bewitching.
* * * * * * * *
Family Relationships in Confucian Ethics
....................................................
- Excerpts from the Teachings of Confucius about -
Family Relationships & Filial Piety
500 B.C.
(Editor's Note: The following is excerpted from the
"Analects", a book written by the followers of Confucius.
I have selected a number of quotes about filial piety and
family relationships, in an attempt to highlight the
importance placed upon these values in Eastern society.
These quotes may also provide a deeper understanding of
the way that Asian parents and children think about their
relationships within the family structure.
The influence of Confucian ethics in the Orient is
pervasive, and has deeply affected family life, as
illustrated by the description of Japanese family life
mentioned above. It's instructive to remember that the
Japanese of Isabella Bird's era were living 2300 years
after Confucius.)
-------------
The Master said, "A youth, when at home, should be
filial, and, abroad, respectful to his elders. He should
be earnest and truthful. He should overflow in love to
all, and cultivate the friendship of the good. When he
has time and opportunity, after the performance of these
things, he should employ them in polite studies."
...
Tsze-hsia said, "If a man withdraws his mind from
the love of beauty, and applies it as sincerely to the
love of the virtuous; if, in serving his parents, he can
exert his utmost strength; if, in serving his prince, he
can devote his life; if, in his intercourse with his
friends, his words are sincere - although men say that he
has not learned, I will certainly say that he has."
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"Hold faithfulness and sincerity as first
principles."
...
The Master said, "While a man's father is alive,
look at the bent of his will; when his father is dead,
look at his conduct. If for three years he does not alter
from the way of his father, he may be called filial."
...
The Master said, "In serving his parents, a son may
remonstrate with them, but gently; when he sees that they
do not incline to follow his advice, he shows an
increased degree of reverence, but does not abandon his
purpose; and should they punish him, he does not allow
himself to murmur."
The Master said, "While his parents are alive, the
son may not go abroad to a distance. If he does go
abroad, he must have a fixed place to which he goes."
The Master said, "If the son for three years does
not alter from the way of his father, he may be called
filial."
The Master said, "The years of parents may by no
means not be kept in the memory, as an occasion at once
for joy and for fear."
...
Tsai Wo asked about the three years' mourning for
parents, saying that one year was long enough.
Tsai Wo then went out, and the Master said, "This
shows Yu's want of virtue. It is not till a child is
three years old that it is allowed to leave the arms of
its parents. And the three years' mourning is universally
observed throughout the empire. Did Yu enjoy the three
years' love of his parents?"
...
"Now filial piety is seen in the skillful carrying
out of the wishes of our forefathers, and the skillful
carrying forward of their undertakings."
...
"Hence the sovereign may not neglect the cultivation
of his own character. Wishing to cultivate his character,
he may not neglect to serve his parents. In order to
serve his parents, he may not neglect to acquire
knowledge of men. In order to know men, he may not
dispense with a knowledge of Heaven."
...
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The HeartThread Journal Page 11
"When those in inferior situations do not obtain the
confidence of the sovereign, they cannot succeed in
governing the people. There is a way to obtain the
confidence of the sovereign - if one is not trusted by
his friends, he will not get the confidence of his
sovereign."
"There is a way to being trusted by one's friends -
if one is not obedient to his parents, he will not be
true to friends. There is a way to being obedient to
one's parents - if one, on turning his thoughts in upon
himself, finds a want of sincerity, he will not be
obedient to his parents. There is a way to the attainment
of sincerity in one's self - if a man does not understand
what is good, he will not attain sincerity in himself."
...
"The ancients who wished to illustrate illustrious
virtue throughout the kingdom, first ordered well their
own states. Wishing to order well their states, they
first regulated their families. Wishing to regulate their
families, they first cultivated their persons. Wishing to
cultivate their persons, they first rectified their
hearts. Wishing to rectify their hearts, they first
sought to be sincere in their thoughts. Wishing to be
sincere in their thoughts, they first extended to the
utmost their knowledge. Such extension of knowledge lay
in the investigation of things."
...
"From the loving example of one family a whole state
becomes loving, and from its courtesies the whole state
becomes courteous while, from the ambition and
perverseness of the One man, the whole state may be led
to rebellious disorder - such is the nature of the
influence. This verifies the saying, 'Affairs may be
ruined by a single sentence; a kingdom may be settled by
its One man.'"
* * * * * * * *
Developing the Musical Child
- In Every Child -
..............................
by Greta Ward
I am gritting my teeth, about ready to go insane. My
six year old, busy with the tape recorder, is alternating
back and forth between his two current favorites: a part
of Beethoven's Fifth Symphony and "Yakkety-Yak" from the
soundtrack of "Stand By Me."
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Yes, I do want my children to develop a well-rounded
awareness of music. And yes, repetition is the best
learning strategy, I remind myself. And look, this child
is controlling the learning, and that is the goal of real
education. I say all this half out loud to block the
sound a bit. Then after a while, I don't hear it anymore.
I go about my afternoon chores happy that the children in
this house love their music.
As a pianist, trained from the age of five in the
classical school, I know how vital it is to foster that
love of music and to nurture a basic music awareness.
Early childhood professionals agree; they universally
acknowledge the importance of music for young children.
WHY MUSIC?
**********
The greatest reason for introducing children to
music is to provide access to a creative mode for
acknowledging and expressing thoughts and feelings. While
listening, singing, or playing music, children are lifted
out of their ordinary frames of reference for a time.
They are freed up to feel jubilant, romantic, morose,
poetic, or just plain silly - whatever the music and the
mood evoke.
Music activates air waves, and the human response is
immediate. It's also pre-verbal, pre-educational, and
very special. The cognitive benefits become more apparent
as children learn music. The joys in making music as a
family and experiencing the new wavelengths of
communication that develop are incomparable.
How can you spark your child's involvement? Fill the
air with music. Then encourage listening, informal
participation, and formal participation if desired.
LISTENING
*********
Music awareness begins with listening, listening,
listening. You can help your child learn to appreciate
any kind of music simply by playing it often. I don't
mean announcing, "Son, your lesson in music education for
today is Tchaikovsky's 'Ninth Suite.'" I mean playing
music while everyone is going about their
business-as-usual around the house.
If you want to be organized about it, you can choose
one record, tape or CD, and play it once or twice a day
for a week. Chances are that your child will be humming
along with it by the end of the week. If days later you
announce - casually - that this music was written by a
Russian composer named Peter Ilich Tchaikovsky and that
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The HeartThread Journal Page 13
it goes along with a Christmas story about a magic
nutcracker, your comments will probably generate some
interest. Your child will no doubt start requesting the
piece, perhaps cavorting around to the rhythms or
shouting out the melody at the precise moment you want
peace and quiet, or even playing it over and over until
you begin to question the wisdom of music education.
Repetition is a child's most effective learning
tool, and it works best when the youngster is
self-motivated to repeat the learning experience. Each
time the child hears the notes of a particular song, he
or she is actually refining basic music skills such as
pitch, rhythm, and dynamics. Repeatedly listening to
songs is as important to children as repeatedly
practicing a concerto is to a professional musician.
Familiarity also breeds interest, even
internalization. As children become familiar with pieces
they hear often, they incorporate the music into their
play and family routines. Several months ago, for
example, a favorite song in our house became a favorite
activity. Both children would act out Raffi's "Joshua
Giraffe" over and over again with the tape. Another
favorite, a collection of 1950's music became traveling
music. Whenever we were in the car we had to have that
music on.
Then there was the dancing music. For about two
weeks, neither one of my boys would go to bed without
first dancing to "Santo" from Paco Pena's "Misa Flamenca"
album. They would whirl around the living room, clapping
their hands along with the flamenco artists on the tape,
elated by the rhythms and the building tempo of the
piece. Then they would ask for it again, and again. My
six year old learned how to use the CD player one night
when my husband and I were a bit tardy about hitting the
replay button.
Listening to all kinds of music is important too.
Jazz, rock, folk, classical, rhythm and blues, country
and western, and opera all speak to different moods and
situations. Sometimes my son sings out jubilant strains
of "Eine Kliene Nachtmusik" while playing. Maybe he feels
the joy and merriment that Mozart must have felt while
writing it. Whatever his experience might be, it is free
of societal notions. He does not yet know that classical
music is supposed to be boring and dignified. Simply put,
listening to a broad range of styles at an early age can
help sustain a child's open-mindedness about music.
Little ones respond especially well to the melodic
quality and repetition of folk music. The following
recordings are universally acknowledged classics, and
children love them: "Songs and Stories for Little
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Children" by Pete Seeger (High Windy); "Peter, Paul and
Mommy" by Peter, Paul and Mary (Warner Brothers); and
"Shake Sugaree" by Taj Mahal (Music for Little People).
As for classical music, Prokofiev's "Peter and the
Wolf" and Saint-Saens's "Carnival of the Animals" were
written just for children. Other classical works that
young children respond to quickly include Tchaikovsky's
"Nutcracker Suite" and the "1812 Overture", Holst's "The
Planets", Rossini's overtures, Haydn's "The Sunrise
Symphony", Mozart's "Symphony No. 41", "Eine Kliene
Nachtmusik", and Wagner's overtures.
Most of the commercial music targeted for children
becomes unbearable after the thousandth hearing.
Fortunately, a new generation of folk-oriented musicians
is producing high-quality and wonderfully listenable
music. Among them is Raffi, whose songs are most
appropriate for children between the ages of one and
five. Favorite titles include "Baby Beluga"; "One Light,
One Sun"; "Rise and Shine"; and "Singable Songs for the
Very Young". Tom Chapin's titles are geared toward a
slightly older audience, kids aged one to ten, and focus
heavily on environmental themes. Titles include "Mother
Earth"; and "Moonboat."
Artists with enduring hits for the four-and-up set
are also beginning to appear. John McCutcheon's "Mail
Myself to You" (Rounder Records) is folksy and
sophisticated. "American Children" (Alcazam!) is a
wonderful crazy quilt of folk-blues songs by a variety of
artists. "Sweet Honey in the Rock's All for Freedom"
(Music for Little People) is a dynamic and superbly
crafted collection of African-American songs. Sam Wright
and Third World's Sebastian (Walt Disney) brings reggae
and calypso straight to the heart. Priscilla Herdman's
"Stardreamer" (Alcazam!) is warm, sensitive, and elegant.
Then there's "Free to Be ... You and Me" by Marlo Thomas
and Friends (Arista), which encourages children to
explore their feelings, hopes and dreams. Although this
recording is less folksy and more commercial, it sounds
good, and the words and ideas are inspiring.
One way to ensure long-term listenability is to cut
your own mix. Choose a beloved recording artist or
composer, and create your own "greatest hits" tapes. Or
exchange records with other parents, and record a
combination of styles on one tape.
(Next Month: Part 2:
Informal Participation, Formal Participation, & Resources)
.................................
Greta Ward lives in Wakefield, MA
* * * * * * * *
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The HeartThread Journal Page 15
The Movie Mom's Guide to Movies and Videos for Families
.........................................................
Just selected as one of the
*** Top 500 Film and Video Sites on the Web! ***
Visit The Movie Mom's Guide on the
World Wide Web at: (new URL)
http://pages.prodigy.com/moviemom/moviemom.html
by Nell Minow
Reviews for parents of the best of current films and
old movies available on video and cable, by Nell Minow,
author, film critic, and mother. Reviews will be updated
each week with recommendations and replies to questions
about movies on special topics, suitability of particular
movies for children, and movie trivia -- try to stump me!
I'd also love your suggestions for a new book on movies
for families. The best kids' comments I receive will be
published.
RECOMMENDED
***********
James and the Giant Peach
-------------------------
This movie may be too scary for kids under six, but
older children and their families, particularly fans of
the Roald Dahl book, will love this spectacular musical
fantasy. James has a blissful life with loving parents
until they are both killed by a rhinoceros. He then goes
to live with his horribly mean aunts, until a mysterious
stranger brings him a bag of magical crocodile tongues.
James trips and spills them on the ground, near a tree
that then grows a giant peach. When James climbs inside,
he meets a collection of human-sized insects, including
the lovely Polish-accented spider (voice of Susan
Sarandon) and violin-playing grasshopper (voice of Simon
Callow).
The peach takes off, and, tethered to 300 seagulls,
flies to New York. Claymation, computer animation, and
special effects combine to create real movie magic. An
instant classic. Kids who love Dahl will also enjoy the
films of two other books, "Willie Wonka and the Chocolate
Factory" and "The Witches." Coming this summer is Dahl's
"Matilda," another story of a child overcoming cruel adults.
Oliver and Company
------------------
Loosely based on Dickens' Oliver Twist, this
animated Disney re-release is the story of an orphaned
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The HeartThread Journal Page 16
cat named Oliver, who is befriended by vagabond dogs led
by the dashing rapscallion, Dodger. Oliver is adopted by
lonely rich girl Jenny, whose prize-winning poodle,
Georgette (voice of Bette Milder), has a world-class case
of jealousy. First Oliver, and then Jenny are kidnapped
for ransom, but are saved from wicked Sikes by the clever
animals. While not up there with the Disney classics,
this movie has real pleasures, especially Dodger's "Why
Should I Worry" musical number, written and sung by Billy
Joel, as he leaps and dances through Manhattan traffic.
Some scary moments, but kids will appreciate the way
that Oliver takes care of himself, and the way that the
dogs take care of him, of each other, and of their human
friend, the hapless Fagin (voice of Dom DeLouise). You
might like to get the Academy Award winning musical
version of "Oliver!" or the David Lean drama "Oliver
Twist" to see a more authentic presentation of Dickens'
story.
NEW ON VIDEO
************
All About Helicopters
---------------------
Snowplows at Work
-----------------
Two videos by Bill Aaron, these are techno-kid
heaven. Narrated by children, each has a half hour's
worth of exciting and informative footage, showing both
men and women (but no minorities) operating the
machinery. The helicopter video includes some terrific
old footage of early "helos" and thrilling rescues by
medical and military crews. The snowplows will delight
kids the same way dinosaurs do -- huge and powerful. Both
videos include information about the machines and the
people who operate and maintain them, as well as
important safety tips. These are the kinds of videos kids
want to watch endlessly.
For my list of the best movies for families, see "A
Practical Guide to Practically Everything", published by
Random House.
...........................................
Nell Minow writes the Movie Mom's Guide,
on the World Wide Web at:
http://pages.prodigy.com/moviemom/moviemom.html
"Movie Mom" is a trademark of Nell Minow
* * * * * * * *
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The HeartThread Journal Page 17
Mother Linda's Bulgarian Apple Torte
......................................
by Linda Forristal
This cake is very moist, a by-product of yogurt in
the batter -- a very Bulgarian tradition. The original
eggless recipe was, in my estimation, a little too dense
for American tastes, so I added two eggs. Sucanat
beautifully replaces white sugar this time.
5 apples, peeled and grated
1 cup walnuts
1 tsp. cinnamon
2 cups (1 pint) yogurt
1 tsp. baking soda
2 eggs
1/4 cup oil
1 cup Sucanat
2 cups white flour
Peel and grate apples, squeeze out most of the
juice. Finely grind walnuts in a food processor and then
add walnuts and cinnamon to apples. Set aside. Combine
yogurt, baking soda, eggs, oil, Sucanat, and flour into a
batter. Pour half of the batter into a greased and
floured pan. Sprinkle apple mixture evenly over batter,
then cover fruit with remaining batter. Bake at 350
degrees for about 30 minutes or until done in the center.
.................................
Linda Forristal is the author of
"Ode to Sucanat: The First Sucanat Cookbook"
* * * * * * * *
- HeartQuestions -
Questions & Reflections about
Marriage, Parenting & Family Issues
-------------------------------------
Unselfish Love: The Engine that Drives
Successful Marriages and Families
................................................
by Peter F. Brown
If one counted all the marriages in history, on all
the continents of the world, how many, and what percent
would qualify as happy marriages? How many would be
classified as marriages of endurance, suffering, or
simply dull mediocrity? Nowadays, it's easier to quantify
the success rate in marriage, because couples no longer
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The HeartThread Journal Page 18
endure difficulties in their relationships as much as in
the past. Now, they get married on one side of the street
in Las Vegas, and divorced on the other side.
With a fifty percent divorce rate in America, more
and more couples are seriously investigating new methods
of creating successful marriages. That's good news,
because it reveals that our world really is changing.
Rather than stagnating in the prison of social
conventions and historical customs, husbands and wives
are asking hard questions about the internal content of
marriage.
My personal feeling is that the creation of a
successful marriage and family requires a great deal of
thought and reflection. It can't happen by chance,
because if it could, the historical record would be a lot
better than it is. Rather than chance, a victorious
marriage should be based upon determination, and clarity
of thought and heart.
If we were animals, our unions would be purely
instinctual. If we were only business machines, our
marriages would be reduced to contracts and the bottom
line. I think that most people, no matter how vaguely,
believe that human marriage is, and should be, based upon
relationships of love. The problem, of course, is that
love itself hasn't been generally clarified and codified
into a commonly taught system of "heartistic" laws and
principles. Everyone has their own opinion about love,
and their opinion is apt to change based upon their own
personal circumstances.
Isn't it true that countless husbands and wives have
suffered emotionally because they haven't "been on the
same page" when it came to attitudes about love, values,
ethics, and the relationship between love and their daily
lives? Isn't it also true that many of these problems
were not caused by malevolence but by lack of thought,
lack of clarity, lack of communication, and even a
general disinterest in the discussion of love and heart?
Fortunately, people seem to share a basic and innate
desire to be good -- or at least to be known as good.
Society is changing, and humankind is becoming more
enlightened. Education about values, ethics, and "heart"
is becoming more and more interesting to people. People
want to know how to make their marriages work. At the
same time, it's the responsibility of all of us to ensure
that children, now and in the future, learn basic
principles of success in marriage before they're married.
What then, is the basic ingredient, or core
principle and ethic, of a successful marriage and family?
Can't that question be answered by reflecting about the
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The HeartThread Journal Page 19
primary ingredient of love itself? Love is generally
attractive to people because love should produce joy --
the joy that comes when one cares for others, and is
cared for in return. Isn't the joyful aspect of love
based upon a desire and commitment to be unselfish? If
two people were completely selfish, their relationship
would not commonly be regarded as an example of true
love.
Unselfish love for others, and the desire to bring
others joy and happiness by expressing love to them, is
an attitude and commitment that few would find
distasteful. Who doesn't like to receive unselfish love?
Who finds that giving love to others produces a feeling
of revulsion? I can't think of anyone. One could go on
and on, but the real evidence lies deep inside each
person's heart. Philosophers can debate about love in
wildly abstract language, and seem very profound indeed,
but finally, a child will kiss the philosophers' cheeks
and vanquish them entirely.
Many people today will agree that the ethic of
unselfish love for others is the highest value that
mankind can strive to attain. Many will also agree that
unselfish love couldn't possibly have evolved from rocks
and dust, but must indeed have been created, along with
the rest of our universe, by a higher being, or God. It
might be more technically correct to say that unselfish
love was not only created by God, but that God is the
actual power source of a universal atmosphere of love,
very much like air, that mankind can either help maintain
and expand -- or pollute with selfishness.
Even with a wide consensus that unselfish love is of
the highest value, marriages still fail, and families are
often quite miserable. There are large gaps between
generally agreed upon precepts, such as the Golden Rule,
and the daily and habitual practice of unselfish love.
Husband and wives don't set out to be cruel or
insensitive, but, to everyone's regret, it happens far
too often.
The first gap is the most difficult to cross.
Through a process of discussion, study, prayer, and truly
honest communication, the husband and wife need to reach
the point where they can look each other in the eyes and
agree that giving unselfish love to each other, their
children, and other people is indeed a central desire of
their lives. Both as individuals and as a couple, they
need to make the commitment that giving unselfish love to
others will become a habit, a way of life, and the root
of all their decision making.
This may sound intimidating -- but it's really not.
If we adopt unselfish love as the primary ethic that
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The HeartThread Journal Page 20
drives all of our decisions, won't our relationships
improve and grow to a much more joyful level? If
selfishness was our primary methodology, one can imagine
how cold and miserable our relationships would become.
It's the unhappy reality of many marriages and families
that the husband and wife are simply not thinking about
these topics very much at all, but are simply dragging
themselves through the daily grind of this "vale of
tears."
In order for this commitment to make a difference,
unselfish love needs to become a constant and frequent
topic of conversation, both between the husband and wife,
and the parents and children. Children are very, very
responsive to this topic. If the parents teach their
children, verbally and by example, that unselfish love is
the most wonderful thing in the universe, the children
will surprise their parents with the depth of their
hearts. My wife and I teach our children in simple
language. For example, they all know that "the rule of
heart" is to "never make anyone sad, and always make
other people happy." It's simple, but it's a principle
that's strong -- a spine of heartistic truth that will
guide them in the future.
When the husband and wife adopt unselfish love as
their primary and daily methodology, their love for each
other will grow more beautiful as the years go by. They
will begin to treat each other with increasing care and
consideration. To do otherwise would go against their
value system. When the husband and wife stop to reflect
that perhaps that day they didn't give enough, serve
enough, or love enough, they will repent, and try again.
This value system engenders humility, because one can't
be proud of oneself if it's so very clear that true
unselfish love is still a goal to be reached.
The common desire and commitment to give unselfish
love to others will become the "engine" that drives the
relationships between the husband, wife and children over
inevitable rough spots and misunderstandings. Unselfish
love will become the engine that creates a successful
marriage and family that not only will never run out of
fuel, but will expand and grow eternally as a family of
true love.
........................................................
Peter F. Brown is the author of the book,
"Striving for Parental Love" and lives in
Virginia Beach, VA with his wife Kim and their
four children, Tymon, Thea Grace, Ranin and Tadin
HeartQuestions is published as a weekly column on
The HeartThread Resource Page at:
"http://futurerealm.com"
Send questions to "peterbrown@futurerealm.com"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The HeartThread Journal Page 21
The Nest on Tymon's Head
..........................
by Kim Korman Brown
(Author's note: When our son Tymon was three years
old, he hated having his hair washed. I used to tell him
this story to convince him to wash his hair.)
-------------
When Tymon was very little he didn't like having his
hair washed. Whenever he took a bath, his mother would
say, "Time to wash your hair, Tymon."
Tymon would yell, "No!" and try to make himself very
small in the far corner of the tub.
"Don't you want to have clean hair?" his mother
would say.
"No!" Tymon would yell, covering his head with his
hands.
One day Tymon's mother said, "Okay Tymon, you don't
have to wash your hair any more."
Tymon yelled, "Yippee!"
The first day he was very happy. He played in the
sandbox. He rode his tricycle. He ate a lollipop. Somehow
the lollipop got stuck in his hair. His mother had to use
scissors to remove it. The place where it stuck got hard
and sticky, but he didn't mind.
The next day he climbed a tree. He played with
blocks. He swam in the plastic swimming pool. His hair
got wet while he was swimming. Then he played in the
sandbox and got sand in his hair. It was a bit itchy, but
Tymon didn't mind.
After a week he couldn't comb his hair anymore. He
woke up in the morning and had a big knot on one side.
His mother got a hairbrush and tried to brush it, but it
hurt too much.
"Tymon, why don't we wash your hair."
"No!"
"Okay, it's up to you," said his mom.
After a month or so, Tymon's hair was quite
remarkable. Everyone in the neighborhood thought he was
wearing a new kind of hat.
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The HeartThread Journal Page 22
One day Tymon sat down on his back step. It was very
warm and sunny. He was a little bit sleepy so he leaned
against the railing quietly. Suddenly he felt something
land on his head. Then he heard some chirping. A bird had
landed on his head!
He became very excited and sat very still.
Then another bird landed on his head! "What are
those birds doing on my head?" Tymon thought. Soon the
birds began flying back and forth with pieces of string,
sticks and grass. It was a pair of robins, building a
nest! When he realized what they were doing, he sat very
still.
"Mommy!" Tymon said in a loud whisper. He walked
slowly into the kitchen. "Mommy, what is happening on top
of my head?"
His mother looked up from her coffee and newspaper.
"Tymon! How exciting! The mother and father robin built a
nest on your head. There's four blue eggs in it, and the
mother robin is sitting on them."
"Wow." Tymon said.
For several weeks Tymon had to walk very slowly so
the eggs wouldn't fall out of the bird's nest. If he made
too much noise or moved too much, the mother robin
scolded him.
He even had to learn to sleep sitting up.
Wherever he went, people would point at him and say,
"Look at that boy with the crazy hat!"
Or if they realized what it was they would ask, "How
do you wash your hair with those birds on your head?"
Sometimes Tymon's face would get red and he would look
away. Other times he would shrug his shoulders and grin.
The nest on his head changed his life. No more
jumping rope or somersaults. No more basketball and head
stands. He spent every day walking slowly, talking
quietly and sitting.
Finally one day, he heard a tap-tap-tapping sound
coming from the eggs. Little pieces of blue shell fell on
his shoulders, face and hands. Then he heard some high
pitched cheeping sounds. The little birds were hungry!
If Tymon thought he hadn't gotten any sleep before,
now he really didn't. The baby birds were always hungry.
The father and mother robin were constantly flying back
and forth getting worms and things for them to eat.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The HeartThread Journal Page 23
Tymon's parents had to leave a window in their house open
so the robin parents could get in and out. Tymon had to
keep brushing crumbs and worms off his clothes and off
his pillow.
After a while the baby birds were ready to learn to
fly. Tymon spent a few days feeling the baby birds
leaping from his head, practicing their flying. Finally
the last baby bird had learned to fly and the father and
mother moved out. He felt a little sad as he watched them
all fly away. But Tymon's head felt ten pounds lighter.
"Mommy," Tymon said, "I need to get this nest off my
head."
His mother smiled at him. "I wondered when this day
would come. Come on. I think you need a haircut."
They went to a barber shop and the barber raised his
eyebrows. "I have never seen such a nest on anyone's head
before!" he said.
Tymon and his mother smiled at each other. His hair
had grown quite long by this time, and it was tangled
with sticks and eggshells. The barber snipped and clipped
and Tymon's head felt lighter and lighter. When the
barber was finished Tymon looked like a movie star. He
admired himself in the mirror from different angles. "You
look very handsome," his mother said.
As they walked from the barbershop, Tymon touched
the top of his head and turned a cartwheel on the
sidewalk. "Yippee!" he yelled.
That night in the bathtub, Tymon said, "Mommy will
you wash my hair?"
........................................
Kim Korman Brown is a writer and a Mom,
living in Virginia Beach, Virginia
* * * * * * * *
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The HeartThread Journal Page 24
The HeartThread Resource Guide
- Resources for Couples, Parents & Families -
...............................................
If you have any books, products, services, seminars,
or other helpful items that you would like us
to mention in this space, please email us at
"peterbrown@futurerealm.com".
Ad spaces are 23 character wide x 18 lines long.
Submissions should be formatted correctly and emailed.
This advertising space is FREE for a limited time.
Items do not have to fall within specific categories,
but we do reserve the right to selectively approve
any and all advertisements.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
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The HeartThread Journal Page 25
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| "Striving for Parental | "The HeartThread | "Cost Free" Websites |
| Love - A Practical | Seminar" on Marriage, | for Businesses and |
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The HeartThread Journal Page 26