The HeartThread Journal - January, 1996 Issue
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* The HeartThread Journal *
- The Journal of
Marriage,
Parenting &
International Family Traditions -
----------------------------------
Vol. 1, No. 1
- Premier Issue -
January 15, 1996
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(C) Copyright 1996 FutureRealm Productions
* The HeartThread Journal *
- The Journal of Marriage, Parenting & International Family Traditions -
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Vol. 1, No. 1 - Premier Issue - January 15, 1996
"To promote and encourage the 'thread' of unselfish heart and love
that invisibly connects husbands and wives, parents and children,
and brothers and sisters."
------------------------------
Welcome!
It is my great pleasure to welcome you to the first
issue of "The HeartThread Journal."
I'm excited about this journal for a number of
reasons. First, the Journal has been established as a
forum for married couples, parents and those interested
in family issues to share their feelings and thoughts in
a constructive and helpful fashion -- with the goal of
learning from and helping others.
Second, although there are many, many newsletters in
the world, and a large number on the Internet, I hope
that this journal can establish a unique niche centering
on what I call "heartistic issues."
There is perhaps no graver issue facing America, and
the world today, than the restoration of the two-parent
family. With a fifty percent divorce rate, millions of
children are growing up with one or more step-parents.
Step-parents are often very loving, but it is still
unfortunate for those children that they don't have the
secure foundation of being loved by both natural parents
in a harmonious marriage.
This journal will deal primarily with "matters of
the heart" in its articles and columns. At the same time,
we won't ignore other, more external issues that affect
families. It will also seek to share different viewpoints
and traditions from around the world, so that we can all
learn from each other, and explore different cultural
methods of marriage or raising children.
Here's to the victories in our families that
we'll see in the coming year of 1996!
Peter F. Brown
Editor & Publisher
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The HeartThread Journal Page 1
TABLE OF CONTENTS
* Welcome, from the Editor, Peter F. Brown .............1
* Interview with Home-Schooling Mom, Claire Daugherty ..5
* Sex Survey Refutes Media Hype, by Richard Panzer,
Founder of Free Teens and The Center for
Educational Media ....................................8
* Unconditional Love, by Olga S. Hardman ...............9
* Jewish Families & Food, by Scott Marcus .............10
* Chopsticks, Anyone? Or Forks?, by Eugene Harnett ....12
* Don't Just Sit There, Do Something,
Civic Activism in Your Hometown, by Edy Iversen .....14
* The Movie Mom's Guide to Movies
and Videos for Families, by Nell Minnow .............17
(Reviews of Toy Story and Jumanji)
* HeartQuestions, Q&A about Marriage, Parenting
& Family Issues, by Peter F. Brown ..................20
[Telling a Step-Child that You are Not Her Real Parent;
What to Teach Our Children About Other Religions]
* Swoon Song, by Kim Korman Brown .....................22
* The HeartThread Resource Guide,
Resources for Couples, Parents & Families ...........24
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The HeartThread Journal Page 2
The HeartThread Journal
is published by FutureRealm Productions
Publisher and Editor - Peter F. Brown
Co-Publisher - Kim Korman Brown
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Visit our web page, "The HeartThread Resource Page", at:
"http://futurerealm.com"
or email us at: "peterbrown@futurerealm.com"
You can mail us at:
FutureRealm Productions
P.O. Box 4131
Virginia Beach, VA 23454 / USA
or you can call us at: (804) 468-6848
or fax us at: (804) 468-6461
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SUBSCRIPTION INFORMATION / Email Version & Printed Version
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The HeartThread Journal is a subscription-based publication
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Please mail US Bank Check or Money Order to the above address.
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Free subscribers will be notified when this happens,
and will be offered a regular subscription.
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WRITERS ARE ALWAYS NEEDED
*************************
If you want to write for The HeartThread Journal,
we will be happy to review your article, column or story.
Please review our "Writers Guidelines" on our web page,
and email us your proposal or actual work.
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The HeartThread Journal Page 3
ADVERTISING INFORMATION
***********************
Advertising products or services of value or interest
to parents, couples or families is encouraged.
Brief textual advertisements will appear in the
"HeartThread Resource Guide" at the end of this journal.
For a limited time, advertisements will be FREE.
When this special advertising promotion ends,
advertising rates will be published.
FREE ADVERTISING FOR AUTHORS
****************************
All authors receive FREE advertising space in
the issue that their article or column appears.
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COPYRIGHT INFORMATION
*********************
All materials contained herein are
(C) Copyright 1996 by FutureRealm Productions
except for individual articles and columns,
which are Copyrighted by their respective authors.
Individual authors retain all rights to their articles,
unless otherwise specified.
All Rights Reserved Worldwide.
No part of this journal may be used or reproduced
in any manner whatsoever without
written permission from the publisher,
or the individual authors
(in the case of their articles or columns),
except in cases of brief quotations
embodied in articles and reviews.
Opinions expressed by writers in The HeartThread Journal
are not necessarily those of FutureRealm Productions.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
*********************
A "Letters to the Editor" section will be included in future issues.
Readers wishing to submit a letter should email it to:
"peterbrown@futurerealm.com"
or send it by regular mail to the above address.
Letters may be edited for grammar or length.
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Interview with Claire Daugherty, a Home-Schooling Mom
.......................................................
Interviewed by Kim Korman Brown
Q: Claire, you've been homeschooling for a long
time. Why do you homeschool?
Daugherty: One reason is because of religious
differences. Many people feel that the approach in
teaching in the public schools has become atheistic. In
the striving to separate church and state we seem to have
gone to the extreme of removing any vestige of religion
or spirituality from our curriculum. I think that is
culturally dishonest, because we do come from a culture
that is deeply rooted in Judeo-Christian values.
Over the past couple of years of homeschooling we've
studied pre-colonial and colonial history. It's been very
moving for us to see how our founding fathers were very
religious people. Their individual approach to religion
might have been different from one to the other, but in
all of them, there seems to be a deep sense of
spirituality.
Another important reason is that academic standards
are falling in the public schools. In an attempt to raise
the number of high school graduates, we seem to have
lowered the standards. We have seen SAT's consistently
falling. I want my children to learn some of the
classical information that was imparted to me as a child
and that is no longer a part of public school curriculum.
Q: Latin, for example?
Daugherty: Not necessarily Latin, but classical
literature. My children have developed a great interest
in Shakespeare. I know if my twelve-year-old daughter
Lena were in school and were to share with her friends
the latest Shakespearean drama or comedy she had watched,
she would be under a lot of negative peer pressure. It's
not an acceptable thing to like. So in homeschooling,
children are free to develop their own tastes and not be
concerned about what is fashionable or what is cool.
Another reason besides the academic is the socialization
factor.
Q: I was just going to ask you about that. That is
one of the biggest questions people ask. They think that
if you keep your children home that they won't grow in a
healthy way and they won't know how to relate with
people.
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Daugherty: I find the opposite to be true. I find
that the socialization that takes place in school is very
unnatural. By associating children only with their peers
they become very peer dependent and they become very
susceptible to peer pressure. They don't have a chance to
really be themselves. Children are more vulnerable to
this type of pressure at certain ages than at others.
Most of us would like our children to inherit our
values and our view of life. Of course, as adults, they
will choose to do that or not. We want a fair chance to
show them our viewpoint. In school that is not always
going to happen. If we have a viewpoint that is opposed
to what the mainstream is thinking or doing, they are
going to be constantly challenged, even as little
children, before they have the emotional maturity to
really decide what they want. In many cases what they'll
choose is whatever the majority is doing, in order to be
socially accepted.
When our country was very young, people lived on
ranches and farms in fairly isolated situations. They
learned to socialize in their church, they played with
brothers and sisters. Many times children attended a one
room school house where they were with children of all
different ages. They learned to work together. Children
who live in a civilized society have daily possibilities
for socialization, but it's in isolated, segregated age
groups, which is quite unnatural.
Homeschooled children have learned to play with
their brothers and sisters, where the older ones help
take care of the little ones, and help them catch up and
keep up. They learn to talk with adults, because they
have many opportunities to interact with adults
throughout the day. I have noticed that a common
characteristic of homeschoolers, when I have been with
large groups of homeschoolers, is that the older ones
don't tend to exclude the younger ones. If they are
playing a game, they will make allowances, or maybe bend
the rules a little for the sake of the younger children.
So they can participate. These children are used to being
in real life mixtures.
Let's face it, when you go to a job, they don't put
you in a certain office based on your age. You have to
work with all kinds of people who are different from you
-- older, younger, different races, different sexes.
Different backgrounds, religions, whatever. I find that
children who are homeschooling in the workaday world
every day, whether it's following their parents around on
errands, or being sent on errands by their parents, learn
to relate to people of all ages.
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They have plenty of opportunities to relate to
children their own age or close to their own age. That
can be done by joining homeschool groups and activities.
We take advantage of homeschool field trips. They go to
museums, special events, plays, roller skating. Also our
city recreation department offers classes for
homeschoolers. We go to a weekly art class -- this time
we are working with clay.
Q: You've mentioned a lot of things they can do one-
on-one, and things that they can attend. What about the
experience of being in a choir or a theatrical production
or being on a baseball team where they practice all
season and then compete at the end? Have they been in
some sort of group effort like that? That's a typical
socialization question.
Daugherty: In this area, there are sports teams for
homeschoolers, especially among high school kids. They're
called the Breakers. They have volleyball, basketball,
football. They compete against the private schools in the
area. My daughter has participated in performances with
her ballet class. My younger daughter performed in a
ballet production for the Joy Fund at Chrysler Hall. They
participated in a smaller church choir that performed
Christmas carols in nursing homes last Christmas.
Q: How many hours a day do you spend homeschooling?
Daugherty: Usually we set the mornings aside. The
rule is from breakfast to lunch. Sometimes things come up
and we might decide to skip a day. We take spontaneous
field trips -- sometimes if we get a late start in the
morning we might be working on things until late in the
afternoon.
Q: Each state has it's own laws and regulations.
What is the Virginia law? Are you accountable to the
state? Is there some type of testing your children must
go through to satisfy state standards of learning?
Daugherty: Virginia has many options, but the option
my family has chosen is the religious exemption.
Therefore my family is not accountable to the state.
Other options are available. However for my own
information I have my children tested yearly.
Q: How can you tell if you taught the required
amount?
Daugherty: My daughter, for example, was tested by a
professional tester. This lady has a Ph.D. and teaches
special education to masters degree students. One of her
specialties that she teaches is testing. The instrument
she used only went up to the sixth grade -- my child was
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in the fourth grade when she took the test. Testing
can be very valuable. If you choose the option to turn
the results in to your local school board, testing is
then required.
Q: If you had unlimited funds, and you could send
your child to any private school or any number of private
teachers, would you still choose homeschooling?
Daugherty: I would still choose homeschooling. There
was a time when we tried Montessori and also Catholic
school. My stepchildren experienced different things. At
one point we were in one of the best funded school
districts in the country, Fairfax County, Virginia. They
had tremendous resources available -- even still, we
homeschooled and they did very well.
* * * * * * * *
Sex Survey Refutes Media Hype
...............................
by Richard Panzer
If you believe most of the media, especially the
movies coming out of Hollywood, it is suave and debonair
singles who are enjoying fantastic sex, while the married
set suffers a gray, passionless fate.
That is why the "Sex in America Survey", released in
1994, regarded as the most authoritative and
comprehensive survey on the topic, shocked many in its
findings. It stated that:
* 4 out of 5 married persons are faithful, i.e. have
never cheated on their partner.
* Married persons had more sex and said they enjoyed
it more than singles.
* 9 out of 10 of those married said that their sex
lives were "very" satisfying. About the same number said
their sexual relationships were emotionally satisfying.
* Those people with more than one partner in the
last year expressed the lowest rates of satisfaction.
* The study concluded that the vast majority of
adults were either abstinent or monogamous (8 out of 10)
and satisfied with their situations.
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Previous studies of sex in America by Kinsey,
Masters and Johnson, Playboy and Hite gave radically
different pictures of widespread infidelity. These were
biased, because they depended on volunteers who may not
be representative of the national population. The new
survey, conducted by the University of Chicago's National
Opinion Research Center, is considered more accurate
because the people interviewed were randomly selected.
This study, as well as others relating to the role
of marriage in society, are discussed in a program
released in 1995 by the Center for Educational Media. The
program is called "After the Sexual Revolution: The Role
of Marriage in Society." For more information, call
(201) 358-1504.
..................................
Richard Panzer is the
Founder of Free Teens and
The Center for Educational Media
* * * * * * * *
Unconditional Love
....................
by Olga S. Hardman
Today, I took Cricket, my West Highland Terrier, to
the nursing home to visit John. Most of the patients
Cricket encounters there love to pet her and talk to her.
A few, however, don't like dogs and don't hesitate to let
us know. They don't want us to get too close as we stroll
along in John's wheelchair, nor do they stretch out their
hands to pet her. Cricket, however, looks at each one in
the same way with her black eyes shining and anticipating
a friendly encounter. She doesn't really know or care who
likes her and who doesn't. She approaches everyone in the
same open way.
Today's visit told me a lot about unconditional
love. I really saw that those who are able to give love
unconditionally will elicit love in return. But giving
unconditional love is sometimes difficult, isn't it? Dogs
seem to be able to give it more easily than people.
(Unfortunately, everyone we meet is not lovable. It is
not too difficult to love those who are, but how about
the many who are not? Isn't this where the act of will
comes in?)
I don't know about this unconditional love my dog is
able to give, but I believe that for us humans, love must
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be an act of the will. Of course, it is often difficult
to will something if all the circumstances are not
pleasant. Lust, sexual attraction and physical desire are
something else, but I believe true love is an act of the
will and that the love of husband and wife requires that
it be.
For 25 years I loved John, despite the fact that all
of those years were not pleasant and toward the end I
completely lost faith in his judgment. After 25 years, I
divorced John, not because I stopped loving him, but
because living with him had become intolerable.
Now John is confined to a nursing home because of
senile dementia. I try to visit him weekly since I am the
only one in the area available to visit him regularly.
Until now, I thought it was a sense of duty that prompted
my visits. Today, however, Cricket taught me the truth. I
still love John, because 45 years ago before God and man,
I promised to do so until death do us part. This love be-
gan as an act of the will then and continues to be so now.
.........................................
Olga S. Hardman is a writer and a retired
music supervisor for the largest school system
in Central West Virginia. She currently operates
her own music studio for a select group of
piano, voice and solfege students.
* * * * * * * *
Jewish Families & Food
........................
by Scott Marcus
Jewish families eat. That's what we do whenever we
get together. At holidays. At weddings. At funerals - it
doesn't matter: food is the main event. People bring
food; people make food; people go out to get food when
all the food that was brought and made runs out. Food is
not, of course, the sole possession of Jews - other ethnic
groups eat at their family events as well. It's just that
with us, it takes on a "higher" meaning, and overshadows
everything else going on. The holiday being celebrated is
forgotten. The newlyweds are ignored. The newly deceased
is mentioned in passing, in between trips to the buffet.
There is one holiday where we don't eat for the
entire holiday - yet there are two big meals associated
with it. Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, is begun by
eating a huge meal before sundown on Erev (Eve) Yom
Kippur. Then, after thinking all day about food while
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The HeartThread Journal Page 10
fasting, we break the fast with a huge "Break-fast".
We're supposed to be thinking about our sins, and how to
be better people. I'm always thinking about a nice glass
of ice water, or a slice of pepperoni pizza. This makes it
a little difficult to concentrate on all the religious
stuff the rabbi is saying about being a good person, and
getting written into the Book of Life for the coming year.
I remember sitting at the kids' table in my grand
aunt's house back in New York when we'd get together for
the break-fast. For some arcane reason, you always eat
dairy for this meal - no meat. So I have this picture in
my head of all this white food - cream cheese and sour
cream and cottage cheese and milk and eggs. In my memory,
the whole event takes on a patina of white: tablecloths
and wallpaper seem white: everyone's dressed in white:
curtains and furniture and carpeting are all white. The
food has clouded everything else about the event
completely from my memory.
Then there's Passover. I don't even really know much
about the religious implications of the holiday. All I'm
sure about is that you can't eat bread (in any form) and
have to replace it with matzoh - a stale, dry, tasteless,
saltless cracker substitute. I think the whole thing is
actually a punishment for our love of and fascination
with food. You don't realize how many various forms bread
comes in until you go eight days without any.
The second defining characteristic of a Jewish
get-together (well down the list after food) is
everyone's health (actually, the lack thereof). Jews love
to outdo each other in describing their current ailments.
If you listen to a bunch of my relatives at an event,
you'll be hard pressed to believe that any of them are
still breathing! If it's a funeral, then you'd probably
come away thinking that the person being buried is the
healthiest one around.
The most often talked about disease among my family
is diabetes, and the complications arising from it.
Kidneys fail, eyes don't work, legs lose feeling,
bladders rebel, etc. Diabetes is a big Jewish disease.
You don't have to be Jewish to get it - but it helps.
Three of my four grandparents had it, my dad had it, and
the odds are that I'll get it. I'm almost looking forward
to it, so that I'll have something to discuss with all my
relatives. I feel so bad when I have to admit that I'm in
rather good health - I wouldn't stand out more if I were
wearing a big cross around my neck.
The strange thing is that many of these people are
in their eighties, and will probably live to be a
hundred! Some, of course are actually ill, but they, too,
relish the chance to tell us what bad shape they're in.
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I guess all the disease is God's way of punishing us
for all the good food we've eaten over the generations.
Maybe the move towards healthy eating by the entire
population is responsible for the drop in the number of
religious Jews in this generation. We just can't enjoy
food as much as we used to, and this eliminates the
entire driving force behind modern Judaism!
...................................................
Scott Marcus is a Technical Writer,
Computer Programmer and a Russian Linguist
* * * * * * * *
Chopsticks, Anyone? Or Forks?
...............................
by Eugene Harnett
Recently, my wife, Yoshiko, made some "killer"
lasagna for dinner, at least from my tastebud's
perspective. We had some extra that we brought the next
day to the weekly potluck after church services. Sure
enough, it was inhaled by the hungry mouths there. One
friend finally asked, "Who made this lasagna? Boy, it's
good."
Confirmed: Others think it's killer, too. When I
nonchalantly told him that my wife did -- she happened to
be out at that moment -- my friend didn't really hear my
true thoughts at such a compliment. Western dishes seem
only natural to those of us born with moms who cooked
spaghetti and meat loaf without recipes. But for my wife,
born in Nagoya, Japan, who can't tell the difference
between tomato sauce and tomato paste, cooking simple
American meals has taken all of her concentration for the
past thirteen years of marriage.
Only now has she found her joy. American meals are
so much easier and quicker to prepare than Japanese
foods. Maybe because spaghetti resembles Japanese
noodles, she loves to serve it. If you had been there
last Sunday, you would've tasted her lasagna, and would
now be trying to invite yourself over on our spaghetti
nights. Not to mention that her meatloaf demands thirds.
Then, of course, her native curry or gyoza always tops
the charts of our young children -- no small feat.
Nonetheless, she continues to learn more American
recipes each year. She has become more creative with her
sauces, if not more efficient. One meal she has happened
upon in the last three months is burritos. The Mexican
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The HeartThread Journal Page 12
style hamburger meat only requires her to add chili
powder, then grate some cheese, and finish by chopping
lettuce and fresh tomatoes. Warm up some burrito shells,
serve it with store-bought salsa, and voila!
This 15-minute meal has become one of our weekly
standards, usually Thursday evenings, because that's our
busiest day. I mentioned to her that since we use all
this salsa, we could learn to make it ourselves. She
picked up that idea and currently is hunting for recipes.
Gradually, over the years, suggestions like this have
stimulated advancement in her culinary skills.
This skill-building course of hers all began when
she once asked me, "What do you want for dinner?" We had
been married about three years at the time, and she had
tried out every conceivable Japanese delight for me. My,
how I loved the cultural experience, but my mouth
suffered from "nativous-tongue-death", a special disease
for those who loved just plain, greasy hamburgers once in
awhile and have forgotten what they taste like.
What I answered her rolled straight out of my heart,
the most natural and sincere answer possible: "Something
American." It must have struck her as limited and foreign
and difficult. What a unique thought: "Something
American." Like what?
I take pride that she learned to cook spaghetti,
then meatloaf, then baked potatoes, then lasagna, then
roast beef, then steak, then baked chicken, because her
original recipes for these dishes, of course, came from
my head. I used to cook dinners for my family when mom
worked late, growing up.
Yoshiko's "foreign" menu grew. And my mouth
experienced life again, with the waterfall of familiar
tastes crashing down upon my tastebuds. But, then again,
not all familiar to these American tastebuds of mine.
More than occasionally, we had to fine tune the Japanese
cook's tastebuds to match the American palate. My wife
still prefers to eat her Japanese meals, her soba and
rice to my canned vegetables and baked potatoes. Her
breakfast to this day, some decade and a half since she
migrated to the United States, often consists of rice
mixed with leftover fish flakes or vegetable stir fry.
Invariably, she includes one of those salty Japanese
plums, while, sitting across from her, I'll be enjoying
my french toast and syrup.
That's what's so ironic. She doesn't eat American
foods as enthusiastically as she prepares them. Her
partner usually ends up heating the leftover lasagna four
or five times over the next week, one chunk at a time.
Likewise, she still finds it difficult to do things like
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The HeartThread Journal Page 13
add french bread as par for a spaghetti meal. And yet,
her ability to cook a solid satisfying meal exceeds
normal standards.
What this tells me is that she has poured out
herself to do something for me. She knows that secret to
a man's heart, which I thought never applied to me, for I
was above such nonsense. When she asks me today what I
want for dinner, I still have no specific thought, no
definite answer. Honestly, I have no time to think about
food. And I really don't care -- as long as it's good.
That fact I trust and love her for.
Somehow, after all these years of cultural kitchen
exchange, she has, mysteriously but definitively, proven
to me the truth of that old saying, "The way to a man's
heart is through his stomach." She has won me with her
cooking, hook, line and sinker, or I should I say, fork,
knife and chopstick. Seconds, anyone?
..............................................
Eugene Harnett is a writer
and political lobbyist, living in Alaska
with his wife Yoshiko and four children
* * * * * * * *
Don't Just Sit There, Do Something
- Civic Activism in Your Hometown -
.....................................
by Edy Iversen
You're sitting at home with your four kids watching
the local news at night, and you hear that your
legislator has just voted to pass condoms out at your
school. Or you pick up the newspaper and read that your
nice little community is planning to establish a gambling
casino or X-rated bookstore down the street from where
you live. You scream and yell and get frustrated and
wonder what this world is coming to. When you finally
settle down is the time to take action.
What can you do as a mother with children, or a
father with very little time, to affect political change
in your community, state or nation? Believe it or not,
you can change things and have a tremendous influence on
public affairs without even stepping out of your home.
You would be surprised by what one person with a big
voice can do.
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There are many different approaches to becoming
politically active in your community, and you have to
find the one that suits your character.
Are you a great letter writer?
Are you good at organizing other people?
Is your favorite pastime talking to friends on the
phone? Do you like going door to door?
Whatever your ability, you can use it to change
things for the better. Where do you begin?
1.) First of all, make sure to register and vote in
all local, state and national elections. If you don't
register to vote, it is impossible to change things
politically or to have a voice in what's going on. Your
legislators must listen to you if you are a registered
voter! Become aware of who your representatives are by
reading the newspaper and watching television. Usually
there is a section in the newspaper that will tell you
how your legislators voted on particular issues.
2.) Writing letters to your legislators is one of
the most powerful ways to be heard. All letters are read
and usually answered by an aide from their office. You
are their constituent. You put them in office and keep
them in office. Find out what political district you are
in by calling your local registrar of voters. Write a
brief letter with a specific request.
3.) Call your legislators. If you are concerned
about a particular issue, call their local office and
express your concern. Ask for the aide that is dealing
with your specific problem.
4.) Express your concern to that aide (e.g. "I'm
very upset that Cong. Finkelmeyer voted in support of
distributing condoms in the schools.") Then ask the aide
to express your concern to your legislator and ask them
to get back to you. Be polite, specific (I would like him
to change his final vote on H.R. 126), brief and to the
point. Get the name of the person you talked with.
Legislators are inundated with requests daily. Be
grateful and appreciative. The kinder and more
appreciative you are of their time and help, the more
they will want to cooperate with you.
5.) Don't give up! Sometimes you may have to call
five or six times just to talk to an aide about an issue.
Persistence pays. Follow up with a letter of gratitude
for any help or response you get. Very rarely do
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The HeartThread Journal Page 15
legislators or aides get thank you notes for their hard
work. In the future they will want to deal with you
again, and will remember you for your kindness. If you do
not get a response from the local office, call or write
their office in Washington, D.C.
6.) If your legislator still doesn't listen, write a
letter to your local newspaper encouraging others to
write to your legislator about your issue. Many
civic-minded people who share the same feelings you have
read the newspaper and will write or call their
legislators if requested to do so. Newspaper letters must
usually be under 200 words, but they can be very
effective in stirring up the community and getting
support for your view point.
7.) Contact your parents, neighbors or friends about
the issue and ask them to write or call their legislator.
The more people you get to call or write, the more the
legislator will have to respond. Start a petition and
take it door to door. Many times you find people who feel
the same way and are willing to help.
8.) If you have the time, you can even contact local
organizations and get their support. Call a few pastors
or the local Christian Women's Club, etc. and ask them to
start calling about the issue.
9.) Join something! Even if it is just one day a
month, join your local political club, PTA, Toastmasters
or other organization. It is important that we be
involved in our communities and see the needs and
problems we have in order to solve them. Even a
neighborhood baby-sitting co-op or a coffee klatch in
your home once a week can help you to become aware of the
problems in your community.
10.) When your legislators come to speak at town
meetings, go and visit them. Or attend school board
meetings. Introduce yourself to your representatives and
thank them for their hard work. Tell them you want to
help them and encourage them when they do something good.
They will never forget you for that.
Find your niche. Even doing a small thing is better
than doing nothing. Pray for your legislators that God
will guide them! Prayer is powerful and changes things.
You CAN influence political decisions in your hometown.
So, the next time you sit and scream at the TV, take
your pen or telephone in hand and realize that your voice
can make a difference.
..............................................
Edy Iversen has worked in the political arena
for the last ten years in South Dakota and Florida.
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The HeartThread Journal Page 16
The Movie Mom's Guide to Movies and Videos for Families
.........................................................
Visit The Movie Mom's Guide on the
World Wide Web at:
"http://pages.prodigy.com/VA/rcpj55a/moviemom.htm"
by Nell Minnow
These are reviews for parents of the best of current
films and old movies available on video and cable, by
Nell Minow, author, film critic, and mother. Reviews will
be updated each week [on Nell's web page] with
recommendations and replies to questions about movies on
special topics, suitability of particular movies for
children, and movie trivia--try to stump me! I'd also
love your suggestions for a new book on movies for
families. The best kids' comments I receive will be
published. Send email to "rcpj55a@prodigy.com."
TOY STORY
*********
This Disney release is the first-ever feature film
animated entirely by computer. While the dazzling
technology is especially well suited to a story in which
the major characters are made out of plastic, it is the
imagination, energy, and heart of the people behind the
story and the outstanding acting that make the movie an
instant classic. The story is about the toys belonging to
a boy named Andy. His favorite is a sheriff from the old
west named Woody (with the voice of Tom Hanks). He acts
as the leader of the rest of Andy's toys, including a
Tyrannosaurus Rex (voice of Wallace Shawn) and Mr.
Potatohead (voice of Don Rickles). All is going well
until Andy receives for his birthday an astronaut named
Buzz Lightyear ("Home Improvement's" Tim Allen). Woody
becomes jealous, and in an effort to keep Buzz from going
out with Andy accidentally knocks him out the window.
Woody follows, and the rest of the movie consists of
their efforts to get back home before the family moves
away.
Children may relate to the idea of the sibling
rivalry between Woody and Buzz, and the movie may provide
a good starting point for a discussion of jealous
feelings. And it may be fun for parents to point out some
of the favorites from their own childhoods, including Mr.
(and Mrs.) Potatohead, Etch-a-Sketch, a Slinky Dog and
Barrel Of Monkeys.
WARNING: This movie may be too scary for very young
children. The three-year-old with me insisted on leaving
less than halfway through, and it got scarier after that.
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The HeartThread Journal Page 17
Andy's next-door neighbor is a vicious and destructive
boy named Sid, who mutilates and tortures toys. His room
is filled with genuinely grotesque creations made from
bits and pieces of toys -- sort of Gepetto's workshop as
seen by Stephen King. Sid gets a relatively mild
comeuppance as the toys "break the rules" to scare him
into being kind to all toys in the future. Children may
also be troubled by the notion that the toys are "real"
whenever the humans are out of the room. This is even
more confusing because one of the movie's most clever
devices is that Buzz does not know he is a toy, and
thinks he really is a space explorer on his way "to
infinity and beyond." This movie is best for kids seven
or eight and up. Younger kids should at least be prepared
in advance with a detailed description of the story.
JUMANJI
*******
People sometimes say that in Hollywood the real art
form is the deal, and movies like this make it
believable. You can just see a group of people in
expensive suits sitting around a table dreaming this up
-- "Let's take a brilliant children's book (with about
one paragraph of text) and add some really neat new
computerized special effects. And, I know! Let's get
Robin Williams! It doesn't matter that there are no
adults in the book. He's great at the box office." The
problem is that each of those parts is fine, but all
together the movie is inconsistent and disjointed,
sometimes disturbingly so.
In 1969, Alan Parrish, the child of a wealthy
family, finds a mysterious board game, buried centuries
before. He is sucked inside, to emerge 26 years later (as
Robin Williams, who is wasted in this role), when the
game is found again by two other children. These two
children have moved into the old Parrish estate with
their aunt, who plans to turn it into a Bed and
Breakfast. They live with their aunt, because their
parents have been killed. Alan finds the girl he played
with (now grown up, as he is, played by the terrific
Bonnie Hunt), and as each player rolls, some huge and
destructive jungle curse descends, a lion, monkeys, bats,
a monsoon, poisonous plants, a British hunter (who
behaves more like the Terminator), a stampede of rhinos
and zebras. But they must complete the game in order to
get everything back to normal.
The "Jurassic Park" style computerized special
effects are very good, director Joe Johnston (of "Honey,
I Shrunk the Kids") keeps things moving, and everyone
lives happily ever after in a final scene that clears
everything up a bit too hastily (leaving the children I
was with asking a lot of questions). "Jumanji" can be fun
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The HeartThread Journal Page 18
for kids who won't be scared by the chaos and animals or
bothered by plot elements like a little boy lost in the
jungle for 26 years, a father who seems harsh and
unloving, or orphaned children. But expect to talk with
them about it afterward.
Also on The Movie Mom's Web Site:
----------------------------------
* The Movie Mom's Guide to Watching Family Movies.
How to get kids to watch movies that don't have
explosions, gunfights, or even Jim Carrey.
* The Movie Mom's List of the Best Movies for
Families. No one should grow up -- or be a grown-up --
without seeing these.
* The Movie Mom's Movie of the Month. This month,
"The Seven Faces of Dr. Lao," about a mysterious man with
magical powers who teaches the citizens of an old West
town about what is important -- and about themselves.
* The Movie Mom's Top Ten Web Sites. Movies and
parenting.
NEW ON VIDEO
************
"Apollo 13" - Recommended. This movie should be
called "Smart and Smarter" In addition to the thrilling
story, masterful performances, and impeccable technical
authenticity, it is a heartening story of the triumph of
smart guys with slide rules, a relief in this era of
movies about characters who triumph by being dumb.
"Clueless" - Not recommended. A cute satire for
adults (very loosely based on "Emma," by Jane Austen),
this is no movie for kids or even teenagers, with
consequenceless (and positively portrayed) drug use and a
cavalier attitude toward sex. Sample joke: "My doctor
doesn't want me to play tennis or do anything where balls
might fly at my face." "There goes your social life."
WARNING FOR GIFT-SHOPPERS
*************************
Third-rate video producers are creating video box
cover art to fool weary shoppers into thinking they are
getting popular and successful movies. Fakes of
"Pocahantas" and other animated Disney movies are all
over the place. And the miserable "Gordy" (the BAD
talking pig movie) is being packaged to confuse you into
thinking it is "Babe" (the GOOD talking pig movie). Warn
grandparents and well-meaning others who may think they
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The HeartThread Journal Page 19
are buying your children a movie they love. You don't
want "But that isn't the REAL Aladdin!" to spoil your
Christmas or Hanukkah.
For my list of the best movies for families, see "A
Practical Guide to Practically Everything", published by
Random House.
...........................................
Nell Minnow writes the Movie Mom's Guide,
on the World Wide Web at:
"http://pages.prodigy.com/VA/rcpj55a/moviemom.htm"
* * * * * * * *
HeartQuestions
----------------
Questions & Answers about
Marriage, Parenting & Family Issues
-------------------------------------
Send your questions by email to:
"peterbrown@futurerealm.com"
or by regular mail to:
HeartQuestions
P.O. Box 4131
Virginia Beach, VA 23454 / USA
....................................................
HeartQuestions is published as a weekly column on
The HeartThread Resource Page at:
"http://futurerealm.com"
by Peter F. Brown
[Telling a Step-Child that You are Not Her Real Parent;
What to Teach Our Children About Other Religions]
DEAR PETER:
How, and when, do you tell a child you are her
STEP-father, not her father? My wife's daughter (from a
previous liaison, not marriage) is almost eight. My mother
told me my "father" was my step-father when I was 12, and
it turned my world upside down.
R.M. from New York
DEAR R.M:
I spoke with a friend of mine who is a
child-adoption professional. She had a number of things
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The HeartThread Journal Page 20
to say about this issue that made a lot of sense to me.
The paramount issue, of course, is a child's confidence
that she is loved, and the child's trust in her
step-parent and parent, or foster parents.
At first I thought that it might be better to wait
until a child is twenty-one to tell her, so that she can
have an experience of being raised by what she thinks are
her parents. My friend pointed out to me that telling a
child when she's an adult will still cause her to feel
that her step-parent and parent kept something from her
-- the "you should have told me" reaction.
My friend suggested telling the child as soon as
possible. She mentioned examples where the child was
informed as early as three years old. Children are less
aware and more accepting at that early age. It gives them
time to get used to the idea without devastating them.
The trust issue is also taken care of. Your wife's child
is almost eight, which is better than waiting until
twelve, or her teens, when her emotions become even more
tender and confused.
The critical factor is how you tell her. My friend
stated that one method that has been used successfully
with step-children is to tell the child (with lots of
love), "I married your mother because I love her AND
because I love you! I really wanted to be your daddy,
because you're so wonderful. Because of you, I can be a
daddy. You're very special to me."
With this kind of approach, the child doesn't feel
that she's just extra baggage along for the ride.
Instead, she feels that you, her step-parent, directly
love her, and married her mom partly because she was the
daughter. Although she may never be able to forget that
her physical father left her, your love for her will be
her great solace.
DEAR PETER:
What should we teach our children about other
people's religion?
Carole, from Richmond
DEAR CAROLE:
Answering this question is in itself controversial,
because there are different religious beliefs about this
issue. Some people believe that all other religions
except their own are invalid (or worse). This belief has
lead to religious wars and untold human suffering.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The HeartThread Journal Page 21
We should teach our children to respect other's
beliefs and their right to believe the way that they do.
Religious freedom is an intrinsic right. Ultimately,
religious belief is between God and each person.
Ordinarily, I prefer to stay away from
denominational debate in this column. This particular
question, however, deserves an answer -- for it should be
everyone's desire to build a harmonious "world of heart."
Persecution of other religions will never get us there.
........................................................
Peter F. Brown is the author of the book,
"Striving for Parental Love -
A Practical Guide on Giving Parental Love to Children",
and resides in Virginia Beach, VA with his wife Kim,
and his four children, Tymon, Thea Grace, Ranin and Tadin
* * * * * * * *
Swoon Song
............
by Kim Korman Brown
Did you ever hear Luciano Pavarotti sing? I have
never been an opera buff, but sometimes I listen to it
deliberately to broaden my horizons. Most of my exposure
has come from things like Bugs Bunny wearing a viking
helmet and blond pigtails, clasping his paws singing,
"Figaro, Figaro Figaro."
However, one day while driving I heard an ad for an
opera scheduled for broadcast on the radio. They played a
five second phrase of an aria and said, "Hear Luciano
Pavarotti in the role of Calaf in Puccini's Turandot."
Pavarotti's voice made me tremble in the moment.
That's all I heard. What impact from such a brief
musical phrase! It was like a lightning bolt shot through
the middle of my being. I was desperate to find out more.
I learned that the aria was on a recording called
Carreras, Domingo, Pavarotti in Concert, Terme di
Caracalla, Roma, conducted by Zubin Mehta. Disc jockeys
call it The Three Tenors for short. Out of curiosity I
bought the CD. I recognized stuff I had always associated
with opera. "O Sole Mio," and other shower songs. Then
came cut number twelve, Nessun Dorma, the aria from
Turandot, sung by Pavarotti.
Women, I warn you. Sit down for this one. Put your
head back against the couch and crank up the volume. I
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The HeartThread Journal Page 22
was not prepared for the physical effect of this when
heard full throttle.
The piece scales the height of human emotion. The
combined intensity of the orchestra and Pavarotti's
soaring voice gave me goosebumps and brought tears to my
eyes. The final words of the aria, "Vincero! Vincero!"
(which translates "I shall win! I shall win!") suggests
the incarnate voice of God. ("I have purposed and I will
do it.")
Husbands struggling to awaken a romantic response in
their wives should buy this CD. It's a real
swoon-a-matic. It can create the same symptoms in women
that Rudolph Valentino caused when he was first seen on
the silent screen: Quickened heart rates, shortness of
breath, loss of consciousness and drool. It does it to me
every time.
It takes creativity to be romantic when you're
exhausted. At the end of the day, I barely have a pulse.
My husband says, "I love you, Kimmy." "I love you too,
Petey," I reply, as my eyes roll back in my head.
Everybody wants to find ways to keep the fire
burning in their marriage. I'm trying to get out of the
habit of greeting my husband every day wearing a
sweatsuit. (At least it's not a housedress and curlers,
ala Carol Burnett's cleaning lady.) He brings me little
gifts. We try to ascend beyond the desks and diapers.
Most folks I know want to find ways to enhance their
romance. I figure if all else fails, couples could put on
viking helmets and listen to an aria. Who knows? The
worst that could happen is that they get an urge to eat
spaghetti.
........................................
Kim Korman Brown is a writer and a Mom,
living in Virginia Beach, Virginia
* * * * * * * *
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The HeartThread Journal Page 23
The HeartThread Resource Guide
- Resources for Couples, Parents & Families -
...............................................
If you have any books, products, services, seminars,
or other helpful items that you would like us
to mention in this space, please email us at
"peterbrown@futurerealm.com".
This advertising space is FREE for a limited time.
*****************************************************************
"Sex and Love:
Teaching Our Children in the Age of AIDS"
by Richard Panzer
A 60 page booklet which discusses different
approaches to AIDS and sex education in the U.S., their
underlying assumptions and track records. Essential
information for parents and teachers!
$6.95 plus $2 shipping and handling
$19.95 for the Video version of the booklet
To order: Call 1-800-221-6116
(credit cards accepted)
Or send check or money order to:
Center for Educational Media
P.O. Box 97
Westwood, NJ 07675 / USA
Also Available:
"Angels Bar & Grill" A new comic book. Two college
students, Bill and Sandy, returning from Woodstock II,
encounter Malcolm X, Marilyn Monroe, Sigmund Freud, and
Jack Kerouac, the 50's "beat" writer, at a mysterious
diner and discuss the roots of the Sexual Revolution and
the results 30 years later. Their personal stories
interact with contemporary history and conclude in an
important change in their relationship!
$2.95 plus $2 shipping and handling
5 copies or more for $2.50 each plus
$4 shipping and handling
($10 min. order for credit card)
*****************************************************************
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The HeartThread Journal Page 24
"Striving for Parental Love -
A Practical Guide on Giving Parental Love to Children"
by Peter F. Brown
Now Available! The newly printed Third Edition of
this easy to read book highlights the "heart" of
parenting, with ground-breaking methods to build a family
of true love.
$10.95 plus $4.00 shipping and handling
(VA residents add .045 % sales tax.)
Send US Bank Check or Money Order to:
FutureRealm Productions
P.O. Box 4131
Virginia Beach, VA 23454 / USA
*****************************************************************
"Striving for Parental Love Seminars"
Three hour seminars based upon the book of the same
name. Seminars can be held anywhere in the world, (if a
good local translator is available for non-English
speaking countries.)
Seminars are given by Peter F. Brown, the author of
the book. Fees can be structured to raise money for your
local organization, or any local sponsor.
A percentage of each seminar attendee's fee goes to
FutureRealm Productions.
For more information, call FutureRealm Productions
at: (804) 468-6848, or visit our web site at:
"http://futurerealm.com" or send us email at:
"peterbrown@futurerealm.com".
*****************************************************************
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The HeartThread Journal Page 25
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